Myth #6 : We Must Be Very Rich

I suppose if you follow the world’s rules and standards, we MUST be very rich in order to afford the 6, soon to be 7 children we have.

The other assumption people have when they look at us is to assume that we have reaped a windfall from the Singapore government and they are quickly doing their mental sums to see just how rich we are.

The Singapore government started a Baby Bonus scheme in 2001 to encourage its citizens to have more babies. Good deal, right? Well, the problem is we missed the boat! Yep! Out of the 6 children we have, we could only claim it for one child. ONE child.

You see, we were always ahead of our time We had our 4th child when their policy was extended to the 1st three children. We then had our 5th child when they extended it to the 4th child. In fact, we had to pay cold hard cash when we birthed our 4th child. No Medisave could be used for the hospitalisation fees.

Now that there’s the enhanced Maternity and Pregnancy Package, even more people are assuming we will benefit from it! From the moment it was released, I had congratulatory sms-es and emails. But if you read the No, No, No post in my blog, you’ll know that we don’t get a cent again. It is meant to benefit working moms and families who earn a much higher level of income than we do.

Yes, we will get up to $18,000 from the government if and only if  we are able to put in the same amount in the co-savings Children Development Account. It is not an outright cash gift as it is for the first 4 children (that we did not receive, except for ONE child). The government promises to match dollar-for-dollar up to $18,000 that we are able to put aside into the account for the 5th and subsequent child.

Sounds good, right? Read carefully. The co-savings plan means if we put in $5,000 we get $5,000 from the government. But if we have no money to put into the account, we get nothing from the governement. So do not assume that we will just get $18,000 from the government.

(Sorry for the lengthy explanation. I just need to explain this since there are many people who cannot believe that we didn’t reap this huge windfall from the government )

The moment dh stepped out for fulltime ministry work, we have been living a life of faith. This basically means we do not not where our money is coming from. It is both exciting and scary. We are not supported by any churches. We are not supported by our families. We are supported by Jehovah Jireh!

God has sent us love gifts through His many faithful children and servants. In cash, in kind. We have been blessed as we have obeyed His call on our lives. For those who have supported our ministry the past years, we say a truly heartfelt, “Thank YOU!” .

We are not rich by the world’s standards but we are comfortable. All due to the grace and mercy of our Lord. We have never lacked for the essentials. And many times we have been able to even have our wants satisfied.

So how do we manage to have such a large family and have mom stay at home on one fulltime ministry worker’s pay?

We live simply.  We do without many things that many people assume are necessary and normal.  Eg. holidays are a luxury, not a necessity. So if and when we do go for holidays, it is always to nearby countries. Enrichment classes are a luxury, not a necessity. Eg. swimming lessons are necessary (an important life skill) but not speech and drama classes. Yes we have a car but it is 7 years old. We do not have a maid.

Clothes are usually hand-me-downs or they are bought at sale prices. And we make sure the clothes we buy are quality, value-for-money ones that we can pass down to the next child. Each child does not have a wardrobe bursting with clothes. Neither does mom and dad Same with shoes.

We don’t buy the latest toys either. If we get blessed with them great. If we don’t we move on.  It really doesn’t matter in the greater scheme of things, does it?

The one thing we invest in is good books. And if possible, I try to buy them second hand. Afterall, a book doesn’t need to be brand new to be read. But nowadays shipping from the US is expensive so buying brand new may work out to make more sense than buying second hand. Or we go to the library.

So, no. One does not have to be very rich or even rich to have a large family. We certainly are not. But I believe that our eternal rewards in heaven is much!

For more on how we live you can read Being Frugal, Dealing with Rising Costs and Being Frugal – Groceries.

 

Check out the rest of the other myths HERE.

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For my personal musings, visit Building An Ark in Singapore

What Have I Learnt?

Just recently, it suddenly dawned upon me that I have been pregnant and nursing for 11 years, non-stop, since July 1997, except for a break of 4 months in 1999!!! Amazing! Praise be to God!

The Lord was gracious to allow me to conceive our 1st born in July 1997. He was born in April 1998 and weaned when he turned one in April 1999. The Lord then opened my womb and I conceived again in August 1999. Ever since then I have been pregnant or nursing! Wow! I am in awe of what He has done.

So what have I learnt? Let me share them with you and see if what i have learnt helps you.

Pregnancy & Labour

Well, it is way easier to be pregnant in your 20s than in your 30s! When I was pregnant with my first, I didn’t experience nausea, tiredness or back ache. It was a great pregnancy! Then when I was pregnant with my second, I had that wonderful – not! excess production of saliva that made me nauseous (which has gotten worse with each subsequent pregnancy!). The niggling lower back ache also made its appearance then. Fast forward to this current pregnancy. Everything seemed to have been magnified! Bleah!

I have also learnt that no matter how many times one births, every single labour and delivery is different and one can never anticipate what it is going to be like. Which means one should never get complacent! But one thing that remained consistent was this – never rush to the hospital at the onset of labour. Trust me – it is way more comfortable to labour at home – even with the children milling around you, than to labour in the hospital.

And never assume that God will work in the same way every time! Eg. give you the exact same sign to know when to leave for the hospital. I have learnt that God wants me to trust Him, not a method! For the last birth, I had assumed I would just know when to leave for the hospital and that’s how I ended up birthing the last baby in the hospital lobby! It was fun and memorable but erm…I don’t think I want to do that again!

Breastfeeding

Never assume that just because you breastfed one baby successfully, you’ll be an expert with the rest and vice versa. Each baby is different. Some need more help in getting started than others. I know how to breastfeed but the baby doesn’t!

So this means that just because you had an easy/difficult time with one baby doesn’t mean the rest will be easy/difficult. I had an easy time with the first and had horrible mastitis with my second. TWICE! And I had blocked ducts with her and almost every baby, except this current nursling! Yes, despite knowing what to do!

Care of baby

Since every baby is different, the care of each one is also different. Some are easy going, others are high need. Some sleep easily others are woken up if you so much as look at them. Serious!

I have learnt to go with the flow, especially in the early months. No point angsting about it. I know, I know - 1st time moms have a difficult time grasping this concept I have been there, remember? But it helps everyone when you learn to relax from day 1.

OR … you could have 6 babies and learn by baby #6

 

a) Stop watching the clock!

I believe in scheduling the baby, especially to prevent them from snacking and falling asleep at the breast after 2 – 3 suckles. BUT I have learnt to relax. Sometimes, baby really needs to suckle to sleep – well, until she finds her thumb or fingers! And if the baby shows signs of sleepiness even if it is 10 minutes before its sleep time, please let the baby go to sleep! Same with the nursing. Bringing forward the baby’s nap or feeding by 15minute or delaying it isn’t going to bring the world to its end. It’s true! Sometimes the baby just gotta nurse/sleep!

b) Sleeping through the night is NOT the ultimate goal in life

Yes, we all function better with enough sleep. But what is enough sleep? Isn’t it a given that being sleep deprived is part of the deal of being a parent, especially a mom? I mean it is great that the baby sleeps through at 6 weeks on his own but to force it through?

I believe in sleep training and wrote a 2-parter on it. But it is really not the ultimate aim in my life. And it should’t be yours unless there’s a critical situation in your home/family. Making it the goal is stressful for everyone.

Besides it doesn’t mean that once the baby sleeps through you are home free. The baby will still have periods of wakefulness, bad dreams, illness, etc. And this goes on till they are 3? 10? 21?

c) You can’t rush a baby

Be it to start eating solids or to crawl or walk before he is ready. All you can do is provide him opportunities to develop. You may offer him some food but if he refuses, leave it. Stop forcing it. He may be protecting himself from allergies by refusing to start solids early. Try again later and don’t let it stress you.

Same with crawling and walking. Unless you are carrying the baby endlessly, a normal baby should show signs of wanting to move on his own in his own time! I know someone who put the baby in the playpen all the time and then worried that the baby wasn’t walking by one!

This applies to potty training as well. I have learnt that it is easier – on me and the child – if I just wait it out. I have nothing against those who choose to start earlier than I do – if the child is ready. Just because your neigbour’s kid was potty trained at 1 doesn’t mean your child is ready at 1.

And don’t let what others say shame you into forcing your child to start before he is ready. To those who exclaim that my 2 yr old should be potty trained, I ask them, “would you be so kind as to come and clean up the mess they make so that I can nurse and care for the baby?”

 

d) Discipline

Six children, all with different personality quirks. Yes, some are easier to discipline than others. But all children can be disciplined.

It really annoys me to hear that I am “lucky” or “blessed” to have such easy going children. My dh and I spend a lot of time and energy disciplining our children! True, some require more effort and creativity than others when disciplining them. But they all have been trained at a young age.

And I have learnt that the earlier you start, the easier it’ll be. Wait too long and ingrained bad habits are harder to re-train out of them.

e) Babies will fall sick/fall down

Yes, breastfed or not, babies will fall sick. Some more often than others. This is life And yes, babies will fall – sometimes off the bed, sometimes from the chair and especially when they are learning new skills.

It is OK!!!

Do the responsible thing – keep baby away from obviously ill people, watch over the baby and don’t leave the baby unattended, especially mobile babies! Use your common sense. But illnesses and accidents will happen.

f) Relax

Babies are very sensitive. They pick up on our feelings. Notice how the baby would just refuse to sleep when you need him to? He senses that something is up and is anxious too! That’s why an experienced mom is more often than not able to calm a baby than a new, anxious mom.

When you are relaxed and confident, the baby relaxes. The people around you relax. They’ll stop hovering around you and asking you well-meaning but endless questions

 

g) Enjoy your baby

Yes, I have said this repeatedly. Enjoy your baby. Doesn’t matter if the housework isn’t done – the baby doesn’t care. The people around you need to know that the baby comes first – at least for the first few months.

Doesn’t matter if school isn’t done the way you want it to be done. They’ll catch up. And if they are old enough they should take over being responsible for their own schoolwork. If they refuse/cannot be responsible, then perhaps you have been micro-managing too much. It is time they learnt to grow up and be independent and learn the meaning of consequences.

Spend time bonding and playing and just being with your baby when they need you the most. Once it is over, it is over. Then learn to let go and let the baby grow up and start separating from you. Don’t hold them back then!

And to end this piece on a lighter note …

h) It takes longer for the weight to come off after you hit 35!

It’s true! It took me 6 months to lose my pregnancy weight before I hit 35. After that, it took me 6 – 9 months to lose the weight. By the time I had #6, it took me one whole year to lose it! I can’t/don’t want to imagine how long I’d take to lose the weight after I turn 40!

Well, we’re expecting baby #7 in March 2009. I am sure I am going to be learning lots more with this baby! And praying hard that I will lose all the pregnancy weight!

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For my personal musings, visit Building An Ark in Singapore

Myth #5 : I Don’t Ever Shout at the Children

Hahahahahahahaha! Do you see me gasping for breath, tears rolling down my face and holding my sides as I rolled on the floor laughing hysterically at this one?

Not shout at the children – ever??? Oh my, oh dear….That would be a dream!

 

The fact that I stay home with the children should already clue you in that the chances of me shouting at them is a lot higher than a mom who’s out working and sees her kids 2 hrs a night. Why? Coz there are many, many, many more chances of the kids rubbing me up the wrong way. I can afford to be nice and pleasant when I only have to do it for 2hrs a day or even 4. But to be nice and calm all the time? Hmm…

Plus the fact that we homeschool is another big clue that I get even more chances to be annoyed by them. Have you tried tutoring your child? And not ever shout at them – even once? I salute you!!!

Unfortunately, I am not a patient person and I do end up shouting at them. Not all the time but I shout at them. Period. Nothing to be proud of but nothing to be ashamed of either. It’s a reality of life.

I have told you before and am going to tell you again. I am not perfect. I am a sinner, just like you. The children are not perfect and are sinners. Surely, surely, we will get on each others’ nerves sooner or later, usually sooner!

Now, this post is not an excuse for you to go shouting at your children, ok? It’s just to tell you that I shout. If you can not shout, good for you. But don’t judge the rest of us who do, ok?

 

Check out the rest of the other myths HERE.

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To find out what’s happening in our lives, check out my blog at

Building An Ark in Singapore