Pre-Natal Depression

While post-natal depression is more commonly heard of and dealt with, apparently pre-natal depression occurs at a higher rate! Just google “pre-natal depression” and you’ll see many articles attesting to this.

What exactly is pre-natal depression anyway? And how or what does one do about it?

I am no doctor and so I cannot and will not give any medical diagnosis. But I can share from my personal experience that it is a general feeling of being depressed and overwhelmed by the situation at hand.

On one hand, one is happy that one has been blessed with a child and yet on the other hand, one feels totally overwhelmed and unable to cope with what’s required. It is definitely not a happy place to be at.

I only started to feel this way from the fourth pregnancy. But I understand that some women feel overwhelmed even from their first pregnancy. My first few pregnancies were mostly smooth and uneventful. However, as our family size increased, feelings of being overwhelmed and exhausted seem to colour each subsequent pregnancy. By then, we had also started adding homeschooling to the mix of things I had to juggle.

One of most obvious symptoms for me was that I tend to burst into tears easily, which is totally out of character for me. And when I sat down and analysed my feelings and thoughts, I found that these were the things that generally got me down :

• there were more young children to deal with. Since we were blessed with a new addition every 1.5yrs, it meant that when I was pregnant with our fourth, I had 3 children, aged 6 months, 2 yrs and 4 yrs to handle. It was just physically exhausting. And nursing during a pregnancy has never been my favourite thing to do.
• there was more mess to deal with.
• there was more disciplining to dish out.
• there was more training to do.

In other words, there was more of everything to do! But there still remained only one of me and one of dh. And in the recent years, as God has blessed our ministry, there has been more ministry demands on dh which means that I have to shoulder more on the family front, especially when he had ministry trips or retreats overseas.

So how?

These are the principles that have helped me each time I feel overwhelmed. However, it doesn’t always work for me because I don’t always do what is right but what I feel like doing  If I follow through with them, though I may not eliminate all my negative feelings, I do end up with more good days than bad ones 

Perhaps the same principles may help you if you are feeling overwhelmed now, pregnant or not They are not in any order of importance except for #1.

1. PRAY and REST in Him

I strongly believe that God’s timing is always perfect. He knows what I already have to deal with and how weak I am. When I find that I cannot handle it, I must turn to Him. He will help me. He is my helper. The more I try to handle it on my own pathetic strength, the more it all falls apart.

Let’s face it, there are never enough hours in a day. I am never going to be able to do everything all by myself, on my own strength, no matter how organised I am. So I force myself to relax and to rest in Him.

Let me confess that this piece of advice is totally tough to follow because I am so used to being in-charge, in control. But I have  to let go. The more I try to hang on and push things through the more of a failure I feel since I just can’t get it done.

Much better to let go and just rest in Him. Besides, there have been many times I have been able to re-think how we do things in a more efficient way when I am forced to let go of the control freak in me

2. Simplify

On really bad, bad days when I feel exhausted and naseous, everything gets pared down to the minimum. To what has been termed “survival basics” Meaning, as long as the children are safe, clothed and fed (notice how I did not say what they are fed!), anything goes. Really.

Here are the areas I try to simplify :

a) household chores : first I try very hard not to be obsessive-compulsive about cleanliness Then I delegate the chores to the children (see point #3 below). I am quite certain that by the time this baby arrives, the house could run by itself pretty well if I manage to drill the children on their individual responsibilities consistently.

b) routines : I used to be very structured. But I have learnt to let go. Everyone is more relaxed this way. We go with the flow and not according to the clock, except for nap/bed times and mealtimes. Other than that, as long as the work portioned out is completed, it doesn’t matter when it is done. Or even how it is done!

c) homeschool : this is one big area that I was forced to simplify after the arrival of blessing #6. Once the grand plan of the year, for each child, is done using one of Donna Young’s forms, I print out individual lesson plans for each child to put into their own folders.

(I will be sharing how we plan our school in another post.)

Each child (aged 5 and above) is then responsible for getting the work listed done. I am then responsible to check that they did do what they claimed they did Do note that this didn’t happen overnight. It has taken months of training to get us to where we are today. And some children are more responsible than others

 

At the moment, our pared down school only has Bible, English (Language Arts), Maths, Science and Chinese. Field trips and arts and crafts are done during our week long break IF daddy is around to help out. If not, the kids just veg out and play with whatever is in the house during their break.

3. Delegate

Yes, no matter how young a child is, he can be taught to be a help and not a nuisance in the family. The least that is required of any child is that he/she is not to make unnecessary messes. Toys/games are to be put away after playtime by the child. Even a 15mth old toddler can do that.

All our children have been taught to help around the house, be it as simple as bringing me the diaper for the baby to the washing of the dishes or even mopping the house. Yes, they often do not perform to the standard I like but hey! it is better to have household chores done than not at all!

 

The more children I have, the more I realise that I need teamwork to make this home run smoothly. In the meantime, the children learn valuable life skills for free! No need to pay someone to teach them how to fold clothes or clean up the house.

Besides, the more work the children are engaged in, the less time they have for picking on each other or creating unnecessary messes for mom to clean up.

I am always thinking of ways for the children to help out around the house. Here are some of the things they do : vacuum the house, pack up their toys and belongings, do the laundry, set up and clear up the table before and after mealtimes, and their own personal cleanliness.

The only thing I have not succeeded in training them is to cook! Once that is taught, I should be home free. Older and wiser MOMYS have taught me that I need to work myself out of a job. The children should learn how to run a home as early as they can. And that is most certainly my goal!

4. Discipline the children

The children are a blessing to me and to those around them when they have been properly disciplined. The more children one has, the more one needs to be firm in disciplining them. One child running amok is bad, 5 children running amok is truly insane! Lol!

And as I have said before, whatever discipline issues a child has, it needs to be dealt with before the baby arrives. So no matter how tired I am, I do force myself to deal with the discipline issue, to nip it in the bud before it escalates into a big problem.

5. De-Clutter

Clutter and being disorganised zaps me of my energy. Looking at a messy room makes me feel more overwhelmed and depressed. So I take advantage of a pregnant mama’s nesting instincts and clear out the house with a brutal, no-nonsense approach. This helps me in two ways -

1. I am getting something done and
2. the house is getting tidier and a more pleasant place to be in.

The less clutter there is in the home, the easier it is to maintain order and cleanliness.

One more thing…

Towards the end of each pregnancy, I crave to be alone. It is as if I need to re-group and prepare for D-Day. But it is a near impossible feat with a houseful of young children who need mom.

So I steal time out throughout the whole day to do my own thing! I make all the children rest in the afternoon. That gives me at least an hour of peace and quiet to do what I want.

Bedtime is staggered from 8:30pm to 10pm and once that happens, it’s ME time! I try not to do any more “work” such as household chores or even school prep. But just have time to chill and write or read, and of course spend time with dh, if he does not have any ministry commitments.

But as I wrote before, sometimes, I could be doing all I shared above and yet I could still feel overwhelmed. Then it is truly an act of will not to wallow in the misery I feel. Because, really, what good does it do except to make me feel even more miserable?

And I would like to add that if it is a health issue that is making you feel depressed (anemia/thyroidism/hormonal imbalance/poor nutrition/lack of exercise/pain), please seek medical advice. Don’t just moan and groan about it. And certainly, do not blame the baby.

And lastly, once in a while, a pep talk to yourself helps!

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For my personal musings, visit Building An Ark In Singapore

Homeschooling Helps from TOS

 There are two things going on at The Old Schoolhouse Magazine. First of all, you may be interested in their new eBook, What About Socialization? Dispelling the Myths.

Veteran homeschoolers and a homeschool graduate share their experience and responses to the tough questions, including:

• What is socialization anyway?
• Is our home a viable answer?
• How do I shelter and protect while providing opportunities?
• How do I find good opportunities for my children to interact with others?
• How do I evaluate whether they are receiving enough or too much socialization?
• What are some ideas that will help me provide opportunities for my children?

 AND

The Old Schoolhouse Magazine is having an amazing sale on subscriptions during their annual Black Friday Sale November 26 – 30. For those 5 days only, they are drastically reducing their one-year subscription price to $7.95! That’s the price you would usually pay for just one issue at a bookstore!

This is their lowest price ever on the magazine and they want all of you to take advantage of this offer and share the info with your friends.

Please don’t miss out. Your one-year subscription will pay for itself time and time again as you receive practical tips and Biblical encouragement to keep going strong in your commitment to homeschooling and to the Lord. Since it’s a quarterly magazine, they even have a monthly subscriber’s only E-Newsletter called Teacher’s Toolbox that will give you seasonal teaching ideas and a free E-Book download! It’s like joining a unit study of the month club! The free E-Books alone are valued at almost $250/year. It’s really perfect for people who are homeschooling on a shoestring or just wanting to add in some little extras to your teaching.

Plus during the Black Friday Sale, they have all kind of bonus gifts when you spend $50, $75, $100, or $150. Some are electronic downloads that you can download immediately, while other are physical products mailed from various vendors directly to your home.

AND, their Win Big contest is going on so if you just happen to be customer 67,000, you will receive a prize package valued at almost $500 which includes a $150 gift certificate to the Schoolhouse Store! Who couldn’t use that? And you can qualify to win it no matter how much or how little you spend!

Mark your calendars for November 26 – 30th and do a little shopping from your seat, not your feet at the Schoolhouse Store’s Black Friday Sale!

www.TheOldSchoolhouseStore.com

*** Do note that the promotion is valid for US customers only. International customers can still save by subscribing to the digital version of the magazine. Singaporean customers, if you prefer a magazine to hold in your hand you may wish to check out the charges of companies like vPost or comGateway to enjoy the promotional price.

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For my personal musings, visit Building An Ark in Singapore.

Clearance Sale at The Book Store

I’d like to first thank those of you who have contributed to the maintenance of this site by purchasing books through us. THANK YOU!

However, in view of baby #7 making her arrival in March 2009, God willing of course, we will be closing down The Book Store.

Since Christmas is fast aproaching, this will be a good time for you to help me clear out my inventory plus stock up on Christmas presents for your family and friends! And to make sure you get value for money, all shipping (via normal SingPost) will be FREE!

There are limited quantities of certain books so do grab them early if you can. I would appreciate it if you could help me pass the word around as I would really like to finish clearing them quickly before the baby arrives!

Please check out The Book Store to see the discounted prices on individual books.

*** Bear in mind that unless payment is made, there will be NO reservation of books. Thank you for your understanding.

Myths : Conclusion

And so we have come to end of the 10 common myths associated with our larger than normal family.

The purpose of debunking these assumptions people have of our family is to share that we truly are a normal average family that happens to have more children than most people. We are no superheroes nor are we cultic What we seek to do is to give God the glory as we walk in His ways and obey His call on our lives. And we pray that it may inspire you to seek Him out and know Him.

As I share how we run our home and homeschool, it is not to discourage you but to encourage you that if we - imperfect, sinful, self-centred people can do this, so can you! Not because we are stronger-willed than most but because of the God we serve and love.

No, it is by no means easy but God’s ways seldom are, especially when compared to the tempting light of the world. But God is faithful and gracious. And indeed,

“(His) grace is sufficient for (us), for (His) strength is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9.

Check out the rest of the other myths HERE.

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For my personal musings, visit Building An Ark in Singapore

Myth #10 : Homeschooling goes on perfectly everyday

Ahhh! Another one of those assumptions that has me laughing hysterically.

On some days I’d be glad to get ANY teaching done! And on the other days? I wish they would all go to school! Yes, even the baby!

Someone told me that she had never ever entertained thoughts of sending her children off to school. Ah!! Wouldn’t that be nice to be able to say that? But I can’t. I wouldn’t be honest if I did.

There have been many, many, many times I have entertained that thought, only to be held back by the reminder of what God has called us to do.

Does it mean we’ll never banish send them off to school? Well, never say never! Who knows what the future brings. I don’t know where and how far this homeschooling journey will take us. Do we send them off in secondary school? Junior College? University? I don’t know. All I know is that until God speaks, we’ll keep on homeschooling.

In case anyone thinks homeschooling is just a total pain in the you-know-where, I must say upfront, it is not. But, like everything else in life, there are the highs and the lows. Some days are just great and it is just so rewarding to watch your children catch a concept, solve complicated problems and learn to read, among the many things they are learning at home. I wouldn’t exchange it for anything! But on those other days, it is a miracle no one gets murdered!

Teaching one’s own children is always a challenge but I can’t deny the fact that it is a wonderful exercise God uses to mould us and them IF we would let Him.

In my case, it is my perfectionist tendencies that often results in clashes with the children. And daily, I wrestle with myself on this. I have certain expectations of the children and unfortunately, some of them are just not realistic. So I have learnt that in order for homeschooling to work the way God wants it to work, I have to lower my unrealistic expectations, chill out and listen to God.

Whenever that happens, homeschooling is pleasant. Everyone is happy. And everyone learns! But the moment I start putting the pressure on – either on them or on myself – I can feel the dynamics changing and tension rising in the home.

With the addition of baby #6 into the family last year, I have had to pare down our homeschooling to the very basics. There are many things I would like to do with them but can’t due to the circumstances. And so I don’t do them.

Do I feel guilty? Yes. But I take it and leave it at the cross. I tell God – “You have led us to walk this path. You have to make it work. All the gaps that are there, Lord, You have to fill it up.” And it has become less stressful. And now with baby #7 coming next year, our school will be even more relaxed!

Bearing in mind that our oldest child will be taking the PSLE the year after and I have many eyes watching, I get somewhat tensed and worried, as theoretically (like all other parents in Singapore), I should be preparing him for it next year but can’t. Again, I can only go back to the Lord and lean on Him.

Is it easy? Nope. Relinquishing control is always not easy, especially for me. But as dh likes to remind me – when we obey God’s call, we have to walk God’s way. And I remember the words of Jahaziel as King Jehoshaphat was preparing to do battle with Judah’s enemies:

“You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the LORD, who is with you…” 2 Chronicles 20:17

I should not need to worry. I just need to position myself and God will do everything for me. So even as homeschooling at our home is not perfect, I know that I, and my children, are being perfected day by day into His likeness as we choose to walk His way.

May this encourage you as you homeschool.

Check out the rest of the other myths HERE.

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For my personal musings, come and visit Building An Ark in Singapore.

And if you are looking for more homeschool encouragement, may I recommend the digital version of The Old Schoolhouse Magazine? Click on the banner below for more details.

 

Cutting down your laundry load

One way to cut down your housework and your power bills is to pare down the amount of laundry done daily. Laundry is something that should not be accumulated since it is definitely much easier to tackle a day’s worth of laundry than 3! Laundry is also something safe that a child of any age can learn to help out.

At the moment, we have 2 adults and 6 children. We do one load of laundry per day unless it is bedsheet changing or towel washing day. I only iron once a week on a Monday for at most, 2 hours each time. We use a Thomson, 5kg, top loading washing machine and sun/air dry our clothes.

There are many household chores I am behind But thankfully, laundry is not one of them. Let me share with you how I keep my sanity with our laundry and may it help you re-think the way you do yours.

Whites/Lights vs Blacks/Coloureds

Firstly, we separate our laundry into just 2 bins – whites/lights and blacks/coloureds and they are washed on alternate days, everyday, except on Sundays. This is the only category we separate the clothes into. Undergarments of both genders are thrown into the machine as well*.

Dirty clothes are immediately sorted into lights and darks by each child/adult when they take a shower. Every morning, after everyone has showered, I would bring down one basket of clothes to be put into the machine and start the machine. Oh to have a laundry chute, eh?

 

Our Thomson machine takes 1hr 40min for a full cycle and once completed, either the assigned laundry helper or myself will remove the clothes from the machine into a plastic basket to be hung up on hangers, which I will hang up on window grilles all over the house to be air and/or sun dried. Our machine is a top loading one and it is difficult for the children to close the catch of the drum properly. I learnt this the expensive way when I had to spend almost S$80 to get the drum repaired after the assigned laundry helper (6yrs old) decided to help me start the machine without closing the catch properly After that incident, I told them that I would load and start the machine myself but they can unload the machine on their own. 

One load per day?!

How do we keep to just one load of laundry per day? There are certain things we do that help us do this without compromising on hygiene. But if you are a super clean mom, then you’ll have to skip this part For one, we do not change our pyjamas/nightgowns daily. Unless someone has soiled themselves or it has been an extremely hot and sweaty night. We change them twice a week. The children are required to start unwinding and doing only quiet activities after they have showered and changed into their pyjamas. Dh and I also shower and change into our pyjamas just before we sleep.

Clothes we wear at home are of course changed daily. For me, I shower and change 3 times a day. So actually I churn out the most laundry of all! Clothes we wear for going out are worn at least twice before they are thrown into the wash. Unless of course they are badly stained or dirtied.

What about towels? We wash them once a week. Each time after they are used, they are spread out and hung up to dry on towel racks. So no stale smells or mould. Bedsheets/pillowcases, soft toys and blankets are washed once every 2 to 3 weeks.

Yes, we do have more children than the average 2-child family but I also now have the luxury of having older children to help out compared to when I had 3 children. Currently, I have 2 children (10yrs & 6yrs) assigned to hang up the clothes onto hangers after the machine is finished with them. Another child (5yrs) sorts out the clean clothes into individual baskets. Each child (10 years down to 3 years) is responsible for folding and putting back their own clothes into their wardrobes. The 3 year old has been doing it since she was 2. Do not underestimate your child’s capability!

Obviously when we cloth diapered, we would have to run more than 1 load per day. The diapers would be washed every other day. Which meant that we run 2 loads or 1.5 loads (depending on the number of soiled diapers churned out by the baby) every other day. These would go through a rinse cycle first and then a full cycle before being hung out to dry in the sun on a clothes rack.

Ironing

I only iron clothes that we wear to go out. So I do iron t-shirts that we wear out. But, no, we do not iron our pillow cases or bedsheets. And not our pjamas either!

To ensure that I can be productive and efficient in my once a week ironing session, I make sure that I shake out the clothes before I hang them up on the window grilles to dry in the sun so that a lot of the creases are “shaken out”. Also, I do not let the clothes sit in the washing machine for a long time, or the creases will “set”, making it more difficult and time consuming to iron.

I do not use a steam iron. I actually find it more time consuming to use a steam iron than a basic, old-fashioned and heavy iron. Yes, heavy. It has to be heavy so that business shirts can be easily pressed without me using much strength. I just spray the clothes with lots of water from a simple spray bottle and iron them. After many years of practice, I am able to iron very fast which helps.

I hope this gives you some ideas on how you can cut down your family’s laundry load. Besides just wearing your clothes more before throwing them into the wash, the best way to cut down your load is to share it with your children! 

* Many Asian people view female undergarments as “dirty” and so would never dream of washing male and female undergarments together.

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For my personal musings, visit Building An Ark in Singapore.

Myth #9 : Our homeschooled children are geniuses

After teaching 5 children, 4 of whom can read independently now and mostly above their level, I have come to the conclusion that children learn whether you teach them or not. One way we have helped them to learn is make available to them various resources for them to explore and find an interest in.

I have also learnt that some children are easier to teach than others and some children learn faster than others. There isn’t really much I can do to hasten it. Just like one can’t force a child to a child talk and walk before he is ready. But what homeschooling does is that it gives the children lots of time at home – to be bored! Well, in our family at least So what this means is that they figure many things out on their own ands also, read more books on their own.

Why?

Coz they are bored! You have heard that necessity is the mother of invention, right? Well, so is boredom! That is why it is critical to provide quality books of various topics, both fiction and non-fiction, around the house. It is also important that these books are easily taken out and read. Yes, it means that our books are in less than pristine condition but books are meant to be read, right? I just need to be more diligent in teaching them to care for their books better.

Homeschooling also allows the child to progress at the rate that challenges them. For example, if they are quick in maths, I can choose to skip a grade and offer more challenging types of problem sums. Similarly, if they are having problems with reading and comprehension, then I slow down. So they may not be placed in the same grade for all subjects the way they are forced to in a public school.

And sometimes, this freedom from following a set syllabus rigidly gives the child more self-confidence as he is always learning at his own pace, not a pace set up by some “experts”.

But I do bear in mind that in Singapore, I need to prepare them for PSLE* and so I do. And for that, they need to be ready by 12, not 8 or 9. They may not be able to get P3 work at P3 but they may suddenly take off and have a growth spurt (in their brains!) the next year. And if they don’t, we’ll just keep on keeping on.

So no, our children are definitely not geniuses. And even if they were, I would not like to to label them so. For what purpose does it serve except to feed their ego.

 

Check out the rest of the other myths HERE.

*PSLE – Primary School Leaving Examinations is taken by all children nationwide between the ages of 12 to 15.

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For my personal musings, visit Building An Ark in Singapore.