The Blame Game

Then the man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.” And the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” Genesis 3:12-13

Since the very beginning we have been blaming each other for our own misdeeds. Adam blamed Eve and Eve blamed the serpent. Neither took responsibility for their own sinful act of disobedience. It is always someone’s elses fault.

Are you like that too? I know I am! And I know who I can blame that on too! But I shall hold my tongue on this!

I was even told of a man who committed adultery repeatedly but blamed his wife and in laws for it! Amazing? Yes, amazingly common I am afraid.

And I just noticed this (yes, I know. I am a slow learner!) my children playing the blame game too! The moment something goes wrong, they are quick to point out that it is the other person’s fault. It is not just their sinful self that causes this. They are also modelling after…me!

Notice how we blame them for shouting at them or for making us angry with them? Don’t we often say, “I have to shout at you before you will obey.” Or “You made me so angry.”

The thing is – they did a misdeed but we don’t have to respond in anger or with shouting. But we allow ourselves to. And then we blame them!

Isn’t it a terrible thing we do?

We need to start taking responsibility for our own acts of sinful behaviour and call a spade a spade. And what’s scarier is that sometimes this act of blaming someone else is so habitual we do not even realise it! That’s where our spouses can help us. And if your spouse is in the same place then you can make a pact to quit this habit together!

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My personal musings can be found at Building An Ark in Singapore.

News Flash!

This is a reminder that you will have to bookmark our new url in view of the administrative and technical problems I am having with my domain host

This is the new url
www.BuildingUpMoms.WordPress.com

I don’t think it would affect those who have subscribed to FeedBurner for updates but I can’t be sure. If it does, you’ll have to re-subscribe which I know, is a bummer!

I am so sorry about this!

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For my personal musings, visit Building An Ark in Singapore.

Sling or Stroller?

For me, both are important! Please don’t ask me to choose as both have their advantages, depending on the situation I am in.

I only discovered the sling when I had Child #2. And I have loved it since then. It meant that I could carry the baby and hold on to the toddler’s hand when we went out. And still leave the other hand free to hold bags of shopping!

And when I had 3 children, aged 3.5 and below, going out with them alone was still manageable coz I could hold on to 2 children’s hand and sling the baby! The sling is also useful when I am travelling alone (which is a rare occasion nowadays!) as I don’t need to struggle with all the stroller un-friendly places. I can move much faster with the baby in a sling than in a stroller.

Our babies all loved to be in their slings especially when they were 6 months and younger. But I also would start putting them into the stroller whenever I could.

Usually, in the beginning, they would protest. Afterall, all babies love to be held But I would persist and would put them in for short periods – 5, 10 minutes each time to let them get used to it. After a while, they not only got used to it but liked it. In the stroller, they could stretch out and observe things around them quietly, by themselves. It was also cooler for them and for me, on those hot and humid days.

The stroller is especially a lifesaver when we travel and when I am pregnant. When we recently went to Malacca, the toddler didn’t like sleeping in a strange bed so she decided to sleep in her stroller instead! And when she didn’t want to sit in it, the 3 yr old was more than happy to rest in there! The stroller is also helpful as the pregnancy progresses. As the belly grows, I get tired more often and faster and also my back aches more so I prefer not to carry the toddler.

As the baby grows bigger and heavier, the sling is used less and less and the stroller relied upon more. But even then, the sling has not been relegated to the back burner

The sling has been very helpful to me even now, at 8 months pregnant. I still sling the 18 mth old when I have to take the children to church by myself on Sunday mornings. I also sling her during the 30 minute worship session.

The only thing I have not mastered is nursing both sides in the sling. I usually take off the sling and nurse. I find the sling gets in the way and that it is easier to switch sides without bothering about all the cloth!

And in case you think that I have many slings since I love mine so, I don’t. I only have 2. One in cotton (from the year 2000!) and one in silk that I was blessed with when I had Baby #5. And both are from Moms In Mind. Nowadays you find many different types of slings available direct in Singapore either through online stores or even in places like Kiddy Palace, Robinsons and Takashimaya. Or if you are really creative, you can even sew your own!

* Some moms I know swear by their Ergo carriers. I have not tried it and at this point in time, have no need for it as I understand that it is great for carrying the baby/toddler for long (4 – 6hrs) periods of time. I almost never go out for that long and even if I do, I do not sling the baby for that length of time either. She either goes to daddy or into the stroller.

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For my personal musings, do visit Building An Ark in Singapore.

Please take note…

… that if you cannot check out the website in the upcoming weeks, you should key in this url :

www.BuildingUpMoms.WordPress.com

This is due to some administrative problem with my domain host – again!

Some of you may remember a similar fiasco one year back that resulted in my switch to www.WordPress.com.

Anyhow, this is to let you know in advance so that you won’t be caught unaware.

My personal blog at

Building An Ark in Singapore at www.MamaLim.WordPress.com

is unaffected.

Some freebies

I received an email from the great people at Menu Planning Central giving away some free stuff that can help you in your household management duties.

Check out Free New Years Success Pack for Moms for free information on how to organise your fridge, lose weight and menu plan!

Remember menu planning is very helpful in both managing stress and your food expenditure!

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For my personal musings, visit Building An Ark in Singapore.

Is Your Home A Place of Sanctuary?

Or is it a place of chaos?

Do your children love to be home? Does your husband look forward to coming home? Or do they all prefer to be out as often and as long as they possibly can?

Please note that I am no Martha Stewart And neither do you have to be her. But all of us can strive to create a peaceful and harmonious home with whatever resources we have.

As we approach the Chinese Lunar New Year in 2 weeks’ time perhaps you can use it to prod yourself to start beautifying your home so that it can be a place of sanctuary?

I know what you are thinking, “Please! I don’t even have time for myself, who cares about the house!” But you will find that as you remove the chaos from your home, you will feel less stressed.

Start small. Start simple. Don’t run out and start buying decorations and ornaments yet! The first thing you need to do is de-clutter! Yes, de-cluttering is on my mind!

Just go around the house, room-by-room with 1 box/basket and 1 trashbag and start packing. Things that are to be thrown away go straight into the trashbag. Things that don’t belong to that room go into the box/basket. Then start putting away the things to where they belong.

This is not the time for deep cleaning – unless you have the time and energy to do so. What we are aiming for is removing surface clutter so that the eye does not see piles and piles of stuff everywhere but instead it sees clean, open spaces.

Don’t know where the things belong? Ask yourself – do you need this item? Why are you keeping it? Please leave all your guilt in the trashbag, ok? Don’t keep a gift coz it was given to you by a well-loved relative/friend but you hate it coz it is hideous/does not go with anything in your home/is totally impractical. You need to be heartless unless you have the luxury of space in your home or are willing to rent storage space.

Rule of thumb in any organisational book/website* will tell you – if you really can’t decide, put it away for 6 months. If at the end of the 6 months you have not used it at all, then it is time to throw or donate it away.

Once you have removed the clutter, you can start beautifying your home. Perhaps a vase of flowers. Matching hand towels. A new table cloth. A new bedside lamp. New bedsheets. New photo frames. New curtains. And it doesn’t have to be expensive to be beautiful.

Basically, a neat and organised home is what you are aiming for. No point having a lovely vase of flowers when surrounding it are piles of paper and toys! The vase of flowers, instead of a thing of beauty, becomes another piece of clutter.

Then if you have more time or if you are now totally motivated you can start de-cluttering what’s inside your cupboards and drawers. You may find that you now have 2 or more extra empty drawers/shelves. So now you can remove even more surface clutter!

I would also encourage you to make your bedroom a place of peace and sanctuary. Your bedroom shouldn’t act as a de facto storeroom. It is a place where you can go to to retreat and re-charge yourself.

If the baby/children are in there and you can’t do that, then look for another nook in the house. Everyone of us needs a personal space/chair/desk that we can go to to read or to space out. Think out of the box. We have at the moment 8 bodies in a 1500 sq ft apartment (including stairs!). If we can create a (small) space for ourselves, I am sure you can too!

Remember your home should be a place of sanctuary!

* There are so many books and websites out there to help you on de-cluttering and beautifying your home. To start you off, you may want to check out Edith Schaeffer’s The Hidden Art of Homemaking. The library also has tons of homemaking books if you don’t want to add another piece of clutter in your home

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For my personal musings, visit Building An Ark in Singapore.

Homeschool Planning

Just in case you didn’t know, we school all year round and we usually start our school in August and finish in July. I decided to follow this format in view of the fact that we are often blessed with a pregnancy and baby every one-and-a-half years So if we follow the normal Singapore system, I’d be very stressed to finish all that is required.

Once the school year has ended in July, I’d take 2 to 3 weeks off to plan for the next school year. This plan is obviously not set in stone. I would review it in December and tweak the necessary kinks.

So here we are in December and since I was on the roll from the last post about planners I thought I should share how I plan our homeschool.

A word about curriculum used and subjects covered in our homeschool :

From aged 6 onwards all children will use Student of the Word for our Bible study and English. Then, once they reach primary school level (aged 7 and above), we follow the Ministry of Education’s syllabus for Maths, Science and Chinese.

Why?

Simple answer – in order to homescchool and be exempted from the Compulsory Education Law, we need to send our children to sit for the PSLE exams when they reach 12 years old.

I personally feel that in order to prepare them adequately, I need them to know the local syllabus well before venturing out to learn the “extras”. Besides, in this season of my life, I do not have the luxury of time to let them learn another syllabus and then cramp the local requirements on the child in the last 2 years before PSLE.

Full Year Planning

I do a full year of planning for the kindergarten and primary school levels only. And I have found that the best place to get all the required MOE textbooks and assessment books is from Popular Bookstore. I must say that the main branch at Bras Basah has the best and most comprehensive books. The rest tend to carry dribs and drabs of certain publishers books only. Makes for very frustrated shopping since I can’t finish it in one session.

And in order to save even more time (and temptation!) I’d usually have my own booklist in hand first and then go shopping. After many years of trial and error and from talking to more experienced mothers, I usually zoom in on a few quality publishers.

After I have all the books in hand, I would then divide up the lessons into the number of weeks we are schooling for that particular year. We school for 4 weeks and take 1 week off throughout the year. We also take 2 weeks off for Christmas and Chinese New Year. Public Holidays and birthdays are also no-school days.

An easy example is this - if there are 100 lessons in Science to be covered in 50 weeks, then I need to cover 2 Science lessons per week. But if there are 200 lessons of Maths to be covered in 50 weeks, then I need to cover 4 lessons of Maths per week.

I do this for each subject for each child. I key all these into Donna Young’s typeable calendar. Looks much neater than when I used to write it out!

This full year planner is only for my eyes. The children have no idea what they are going to cover at this point in time.

Weekly Lesson Planner

Once the full year planning for each child is completed, I will transfer it week-by-week into each child’s personal planner file. I would transfer 4 weeks’ worth of lesson plans each time. Then I would transfer another 4 weeks’ worth during our one week break.

I used to do up 6 months’ worth of lesson plan each time. Not only would it stress me, it also didn’t allow me to make any modifications if the child should skip school due to illness or some other unforseen occurence. This way afforded me much more flexibility.

I also combine all the children’s weekly lessons into my own DIY Planner. This way, I know what they are supposed to do without me taking out my master planner file OR ask them what they are supposed to do. Also it keeps me accountable. I will make notations on my DIY Planner to indicate if I have graded their work and/or if they have done their required corrections. Being accountable is very important to me coz I tend to slack off as the days go by

Each child then has his/her own planner pages to tick off when they have completed their assignments. This teaches them to take responsibility for their own work and lifts some burden off me. However, I need to be very diligent in checking that they really did do what they ticked off!

Half-yearly Review

Come December I would re-look over the full year planner and see if we are on target and check to see what needs to be tweaked or thrashed. Some assessment books look good but may not agree with the child’s capabilities. Then it means I’ve got to spend more time at Popular Bookstore or surf the net for more appropriate books.

And that’s how we plan our homeschool for the kindergarten and primary level children. For the nursery level (3 & 4 yr olds), I am even more relaxed I don’t do full year planning at all. I just gather a few books that I like while browsing around at the bookshops or online and then we do a few pages a day.

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For my personal musings, visit Building An Ark in Singapore.