Depending on God

I have come to realise that without trials, one doesn’t need God. Yes, we pay lip service to how good and faithful God is but we don’t fully appreciate His goodness and faithfulness until we hit a brick wall and crumple into a heap.

No wonder James tells us to “count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” (James 1:2-4)

For truly, without trials, we don’t need to depend wholeheartedly on God. We can still rely on our own strength and capabilites.

Our faith is tested in times of trials. Do we get angry at God? Do we give up on God? Do we cling on tightly to God?

For me, there is no other God to serve. He is God. The one and only true God. I don’t understand why He does what He does most times but He is  a good God. He wants what’s best for me, His created creature – which may or may not include material possesions. But his ultimate goal is to transform me into the likeness of His Son, Jesus Christ.

And trials do that. Read James 1:2 -4 again, especially verse 4. “But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing”. He wants us to be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

He is not an indulgent parent, giving in to my whims and fancies. He wants me to reflect the glory of His Son to those around me that they too will want what I have. Then He can have the joy of having them in His Kingdom as well.

I may not always acknowledge Him, being carnal and proud but I depend on God for everything. One day I will post my testimony of His grace upon my life that I shared at the Metropole YMCA Lunchtime Fellowship.

A person with no trials in his or her life may seemingly have a good life but a faith that is not tested is not faith. As Reverend Francis shared in one of his sermons at Covenant Vision Christian Church, “How can you be an overcomer if you have not overcomed?”

May you sit and reflect on your life – the good and the bad and the in-betweens.

Do YOU depend on God? Or do you depend on yourself? Your parents? Your dh? The maid? Friends? Church?

Trials are not pleasant. They can be a downright pain in the you-know–where but it does bring us one step closer to God if we let Him do His work in us. If we resist, then we miss what He wanted to give us.

This is not being perverse, welcoming ill-fortune into our lives. No. This is not what I mean. I refer to the trials God allows, not trials that result from our foolishness or pride or sin. Although, even with those trials, God can work His miracle and blessings into our lives. If we would let him.

******

My personal musings can be found at Building An Ark in Singapore.

Held Hostage by the Children!

Are you?

I have been reading/hearing about kids who rule the home with their behaviour and it makes me sad. In the name of LOVE, these children have been allowed to run amok and rule the home. They are the kings and queens that their parents have to pay homage to.

No wonder children are often not viewed as the blessings they are supposed to be.

Disclaimer : I am not saying that children should never misbehave. Or that my children are perfect. No way!

But misbehaviour and disobedience should be the exception and not the norm, especially when they are young. If they will not learn obedience and submission now, how will they be able to function in the world at large?

Are they going to be throwing a temper tantrum if their boss did not award them a high profile project/bonus/promotion/room with a view?

If they will not obey an instruction to go to bed, eat their food, brush their teeth, how are they going to obey society’s rules and regulations?

No, I am not saying we must spank to discipline. See Teach Obedience, Don’t Just Spank. But there must be discipline in the home. How you discipline is an individual family’s decision but there must be discipline, I say again.

If at 4 they dictate what time they want to sleep and what they want to eat, can you imagine them at 14? Scary! We must not be shortsighted when we parent. We need to project into the future. What we allow now has consequences. And please do not use the oft-used excuse of “But they are only children”. We need to be training them to be adults not keep them as children! So yes, they will make mistakes, “fight” with us and push boundaries. That is to be expected. But that doesn’t mean we give in to them.

That is not love. That is indulgence. A wise mom once said that as Christians, we are here to raise these little ones to be servants of the Most High King, not just make them happy.

 But most people (Christian or not) are busy entertaining their children or too afraid to offend them. So they end up raising children who believe that they are the most important creature in the world. Totally unlike what my mom used to say to me, again and again, “The world doesn’t revolve around you!”

In our home, bedtime, mealtimes, schoolwork and even household chores are non-negotiables. In time to come, when the older ones demonstrate maturity (I hope!) they can come and negotiate with us, respectfully.

I am really disturbed by the number of parents, especially moms,  who often tell me that they can’t get their child to sleep at a decent time. One finally managed to get hers to do so when she started school because the girl liked school! Imagine that! What if the girl hated school?!

Another mom I know used to prepare three different meals for her 3 children. Wow!

And then there are those who are held hostage by their children whenever they go out or when they have baby. In both cases, the child certainly shows them who’s the boss!

Let me have my way or I’ll scream and embarrass you infront of all these people. And you better pay attention to me and not the baby or I’ll make sure you feel so guilt ridden you can’t function!

Either scenario, the parent gives in, give up (?!) and the child rules the roost once again. YOU are the parent. YOU are placed over the child by God to raise him. You can’t do that if he does not respect you and if you constantly waver when he puts the pressure on you.

Stand firm. Parent. Love. But don’t be a softie. Don’t be held hostage.

*** If you need help in this area, I recommend the website Raising Godly Tomatoes and any child training books by Michael and Debi Pearl of No Greater Joy Ministries, including To Train Up A Child and No Greater Joy Volumes 1 – 3. Locally, you can order No Greater Joy products HERE and the Rasising Godly Tomatoes book HERE. Tell them that I sent you their way Another disclaimer – I don’t endorse everything they recommend but their principles have been very helpful.

******

My personal musings can be found at Building An Ark in Singapore.

Discipline IS Hard Work!

Met a friend today and she said that I make disciplining the children sound easy. Hmm…did I do that? If I did, I am sorry!

Discipline is hard, hard work! Not just emotionally draining but physically tiring too! Especially when one is 9 months pregnant! Lol!

But seriously – discipline is hard work because it is not a natural thing for us to do. We are naturally lazy people and the other thing is we want to be liked. Disciplinarians are not usually well-liked.

To discipline a child consistently means we need to set aside whatever we are doing to quickly discipline as the moment calls for. It is much easier to just yell across the room for them to “stop it!” or to ignore them.

In the beginning, this means constant interruptions. In the early days, it can seem as though the whole day is just spent disciplining. And that causes you to feel drained emotionally (what’s wrong with my child? Why can’t he get the message?) and physically (walking/getting up and down to deal with the law breaker many times).

And at the end of the day, you feel like you have accomplished zilch. All you have to show for all that work you have done is a sulky child and an even sulkier mom

But I am telling you that it does bring rewards. However, disciplining is a long term project. It is not something that brings results after a few days. And it requires you to constantly be on your guard. Don’t give up. For if you do, you’ll have to start all over again! And remember, every once in a while the child will test and re-test his boundaries. So you have to be alert. That’s another reason why discipline is hard work.

Consistent discipline brings manifold blessings – to you the parent, to the child and to those around you.

You will reap many benefits if you consistently discipline your children. And the younger you start, the easier it is. It is much easier to train than to re-train.

To give you a personal example. I am able to take short naps during the day when I have to. And I do not wake up to a house that is thrashed or covered with blood Why? The children have been disciplined over the years to know how to play quietly and harmoniously even when mama is not watching.

It was not an overnight development. There were many days/months (?!) of being interrupted by loud screams or arguments in the midst of a nap. Resulting in a major headache for me, of course

But by the grace of God, consistent discipline has brought us to this point.

So I say again, discipline is terribly hard work. But don’t give up. Press on. Disciplining our children is not being mean to them. It is helping them develop character (the good kind!) and self-control. It may seem like we are party poopers but the Bible says their soul is at stake! 

Do not withhold discipline from a child;
if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.

Punish him with the rod
and save his soul from death.

(Proverbs 23:13-14)

******

My personal musings can be found at Building An Ark in Singapore.

2009 Homeschool Curriculum Fair

If you are contemplating homeschooling or are already homeschooling and want to find like-minded people to hang around with the Singapore Homeschool Group is holding their annual Homeschool Curriculum Fair again. Details are below :

Homeschool Curriculum Fair 2009

DATE: 25 March (Wed)

TIME: 2:30-5:00pm

VENUE: Pandan Valley’s Lounge
(building along the tennis & basketball courts)

Map -

http://maps.yellowpages.com.sg/maps/scripts/default_new.asp?1=RadioButton2&building=cempaka,%20pandan%20valley

If you are coming by :

• BUS : please click on bus-stops on this map for details
• CAR : Tell the Security Guard you’re going to the Lounge (park in designated lots)

We currently have:

1. Angie (3pm) – An introduction to the Charlotte Mason approach of homeschooling (www.amblesideonline.org)
2. Mimi (3:15pm) – PSLE and beyond
3. Jenny (3:30pm)- An introduction to Math-U-See
4. Connie (3: 45pm)- Use of manipulatives from Right Start Math to supplement the local math curriculum
5. Possibly – Sarah (4pm) on Art and more

*These are approximate times only and please note that although the Panel Discussion may be about the local experience (if we’re able to get the speakers), the event is opened to all.

At the event:

• see a sample of curricula used by homeschooling families in Singapore
• meet VERY ORDINARY homeschooling mums/dads
• homeschooling kids who aren’t HERMITS and
• families of different nationalities/beliefs.

No registration required.

*** Please do not email me or ask me for other details as I am not the organiser of the event nor will I be there since I would most likely be in confinement Instead, do sign up with the Singapore Homeschool Yahoo Group for updates and if you have any questions about the event or anything pertaining to homeschooling in Singapore.

******

My personal musings can be found at Building An Ark in Singapore.

The Burden of Being A Mother

When a child misbehaves, there’s a Chinese comment that is literally translated as, “Mother didn’t teach”. I don’t know if there’s an equivalent in English or any other language. But with that one comment, the onus seems to be placed solely on the mother : to teach values and morals, amongst other things. So if the child misbehaves, no one ever points a finger at the father, only at the mother.

Isn’t this an awesome responsibility for us to shoulder? :::shudder::: Makes me want to run away!

Yesterday, I was reading an online Bible Study from Heart On The Matter called Walking Among Them. And the woman featured this week was Jochebed, mother of Moses. Yes the great man, Moses who was one of the few people who saw God and talked to God face-to-face.

As Lori says we often gloss over the fact that without Jochebed’s faith in God, there would have been no Moses. Someone else would have been raised up to be God’s man of the hour. Another mother would have been honoured. But Jochebed was the woman God chose. And because of her faith, her obedience, we have Moses, God’s specially chosen man.

And then came the thought provoking question Lori asked,

Jochebed raised faithful children. What does that say about HER faith?

• What do your children witness from you in regards to faith?
• Do you outwardly express your faith, your prayers, and your purpose to your children?
• Do you live as an example to your children?

Yikes!

As I pondered on these questions, I also remember that Sarah Edwards, beloved wife of Jonathan Edwards was credited for being the matriarch of the Edwards family, not because she was controlling or domineering but because of her faith in God.

In the book, Marriage to a Difficult Man: The Uncommon Union of Jonathan & Sarah Edwards By Elisabeth D. Dodds, there is a quote that says, “much of the capacity and talent, intensity, and character of the more than 1,400 of the Edwardss family is due to Mrs Edwards.” (p39-40).

Imagine that!

Am I that sort of a mother? A faith-filled mother whose children see God in my life and want to be like? Are you?

I know I am not. And I also know that with more children than most, I get more chances to screw up than most!

But I also know that I mustn’t give up. Most days I feel like giving up. These are some of the more common thoughts running through my head on those bad days -

• “It’s so difficult!”
• “It’s never ending and nothing I do seems to work anyway. So why bother?”
• “God must have chosen the wrong person to raise these children!”
• “I give up!”
• Why did I choose this life?”
• “Why did I all these children?”
• “No, scrap that. Why did I even have children?”
• “Faith? What faith? I just want to go and sleep!”

So why don’t I actually give up? Because…if I don’t bother? Who will???

Mothers are different from fathers. We fulfill a totally different aspect of parenting. Fathers have their own share of burden to carry. It may seem easier from our vantage point but until we walk in their shoes, we can’t compare.

Let us focus on ourselves before we go around begrudging everyone else of having a “better” life.

Yes, it is not an easy place to be at. But let us focus on pleasing God who has called us into this ministry and let us remember that this is one of the rare jobs in the world that carries eternal rewards!

Hang in there!

******

My personal musings can be found at Building An Ark in Singapore.