Held Hostage by the Children!

Are you?

I have been reading/hearing about kids who rule the home with their behaviour and it makes me sad. In the name of LOVE, these children have been allowed to run amok and rule the home. They are the kings and queens that their parents have to pay homage to.

No wonder children are often not viewed as the blessings they are supposed to be.

Disclaimer : I am not saying that children should never misbehave. Or that my children are perfect. No way!

But misbehaviour and disobedience should be the exception and not the norm, especially when they are young. If they will not learn obedience and submission now, how will they be able to function in the world at large?

Are they going to be throwing a temper tantrum if their boss did not award them a high profile project/bonus/promotion/room with a view?

If they will not obey an instruction to go to bed, eat their food, brush their teeth, how are they going to obey society’s rules and regulations?

No, I am not saying we must spank to discipline. See Teach Obedience, Don’t Just Spank. But there must be discipline in the home. How you discipline is an individual family’s decision but there must be discipline, I say again.

If at 4 they dictate what time they want to sleep and what they want to eat, can you imagine them at 14? Scary! We must not be shortsighted when we parent. We need to project into the future. What we allow now has consequences. And please do not use the oft-used excuse of “But they are only children”. We need to be training them to be adults not keep them as children! So yes, they will make mistakes, “fight” with us and push boundaries. That is to be expected. But that doesn’t mean we give in to them.

That is not love. That is indulgence. A wise mom once said that as Christians, we are here to raise these little ones to be servants of the Most High King, not just make them happy.

 But most people (Christian or not) are busy entertaining their children or too afraid to offend them. So they end up raising children who believe that they are the most important creature in the world. Totally unlike what my mom used to say to me, again and again, “The world doesn’t revolve around you!”

In our home, bedtime, mealtimes, schoolwork and even household chores are non-negotiables. In time to come, when the older ones demonstrate maturity (I hope!) they can come and negotiate with us, respectfully.

I am really disturbed by the number of parents, especially moms,  who often tell me that they can’t get their child to sleep at a decent time. One finally managed to get hers to do so when she started school because the girl liked school! Imagine that! What if the girl hated school?!

Another mom I know used to prepare three different meals for her 3 children. Wow!

And then there are those who are held hostage by their children whenever they go out or when they have baby. In both cases, the child certainly shows them who’s the boss!

Let me have my way or I’ll scream and embarrass you infront of all these people. And you better pay attention to me and not the baby or I’ll make sure you feel so guilt ridden you can’t function!

Either scenario, the parent gives in, give up (?!) and the child rules the roost once again. YOU are the parent. YOU are placed over the child by God to raise him. You can’t do that if he does not respect you and if you constantly waver when he puts the pressure on you.

Stand firm. Parent. Love. But don’t be a softie. Don’t be held hostage.

*** If you need help in this area, I recommend the website Raising Godly Tomatoes and any child training books by Michael and Debi Pearl of No Greater Joy Ministries, including To Train Up A Child and No Greater Joy Volumes 1 – 3. Locally, you can order No Greater Joy products HERE and the Rasising Godly Tomatoes book HERE. Tell them that I sent you their way Another disclaimer – I don’t endorse everything they recommend but their principles have been very helpful.

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My personal musings can be found at Building An Ark in Singapore.