Common Issues New Moms Struggle With

Through my observations and questions thrown at me over the past almost 11 years as a mom, I have noticed that these are the more common issues  new moms struggle most with.

• Breastfeeding
• Crying Babies
• Non-sleeping babies
• Sheer exhaustion
• Interference from others

Breastfeeding

Because one can’t see how much the baby is taking in, breastfeeding can be the most common cause of stress for the new mom. This often leads to the mom giving up breastfeeding which is a pity since breastfeeding has so many benefits not just for the baby but for the mother as well.

The 1st question a new mom encounters everytime she mentions she is breastfeeding the baby exclusively is, “Do you have enough milk?”

The “Do you have enough milk?” question is constantly asked throughout the entire breastfeeding journey. After a while, even a confident mom will get worn out and/or demoralised hearing it over and over

The new mom could also be sabotaged by a well meaning but totally ignorant doctor from Day 1. In fact, after my recent birth, I overheard the ob-gyn telling my room mate that her milk would not come in till the 7th day and meanwhile she had to supplement 20 – 30 mls after every nursing session!

To counteract such inaccurate statements, a new mom ought to read updated literature on breastfeeding and talk to those who have breastfed successfully for at least 6 months or more.

So how is one to handle the perennial question of knowing how much milk the baby is taking or not taking? Simple - observe the wet diapers. Rule of thumb is 6 – 8 wet diapers by the end of the 1st week and that the urine colour should be clear or pale yellow. Also check that the lips are not dry and that the fonatalles are not overly depressed.

Do not pump to check!!! This is the most common mistake new breastfeeding moms make. They pump to check the amount of milk they are producing. It is always less than what the baby is taking. Why?

For one, breastfeeding at that point in time has not been fully established. Next the pump always extracts less than what the baby can! Also, the pump may not be able to stimulate the breast to have a letdown which means all the mom is getting out of the breast is the unimpressive looking foremilk. Not the thick creamy hindmilk. It is a very poor gauge of the amount of milk the mom is making.

Trust your body to produce the milk your baby needs. Eat properly, drink lots and lie down and rest as much as possible for at least the 1st 6 weeks.

Crying Babies

Closely linked to breastfeeding is the issue of crying babies. The 1st assumption many make is that a crying baby is a hungry baby. Therefore if a baby cries very often, he must be very hungry because breastmilk is not sufficient.

WRONG!

A baby cries for many reasons. Being tired is one of them. So is being overstimulated. Other babies hate to be dirty diapers and yet others cry because they are too cold/hot. Crying does not necessarily indicate a hungry baby.

And then there are babies who are high need and just cry more than other easily contented babies. If you have one of those, pray!

Or you may have a baby that loves to suckle. Suckling calms her down. So when she wants to sleep, she starts crying and rooting for the breast, not because she is really hungry but because she wants to suckle to soothe herself to sleep.

So what do you do with crying babies? For one, remain calm. babies are highly sensitive. They can sense the tension in us and react to it by fussing/crying even more.

Personally, I go with the eat-awake-sleep routine. This way helps me know why the baby is crying. If she’s near her sleep time and is fussing, I put her to bed. If she’s crying near her feeding time, I feed her. It takes a lot of the guesswork out of parenting. Also, this way, I do not end up offering the breast all the time.

Non-sleeping babies

I don’t know where these so-called experts get the idea that babies, especially newborn babies sleep alot. None of my 7 ever did.

Currently, our 7th baby is a catnapper. And to top it off, she catnaps at the breast! Something that I absolutely dislike! But she is all of 3 weeks old. So I refuse to get overly stressed about it for now. And that is the same advice I would give to new moms.

Yes, I believe in setting a routine and sleep training. BUT not now. Not when they are so young. IF they need to nurse every 2hours so be it. If they need to nurse/rocked to sleep, so be it.

The milk supply needs all the stimulation it can get to produce sufficient milk for the baby. And the baby needs time to adjust to the family’s rhythm. Give everyone a chance!

You can start setting the routine but if it doesn’t happen, chill out. Try again later. Sleep training can wait at this stage.

Sheer exhaustion

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – You do not know what exhaustion is till you’ve had a baby!

If you are breastfeeding, dealing with a crying and non-sleeping baby, I can almost guarantee that you’ll experience sheer exhaustion by the end of the 1st week. Well, unless one’s totally hands-off and has an army of help. So what’s one to do?

Well, it is much easier when you are dealing with just one baby. You just nap when the baby naps. Even if you have to nap with the baby on you or attached to you. You just nap coz you need the sleep. Forget about the chores, forget about answering emails and telephone calls. Just go and sleep when baby is sleeping.

But what if you have more than one child?

Ah! That’s when scheduled naptimes or quiet times for the older child/ren is most helpful. In our house, we have a time when everyone is lying down and napping or resting. That’s when I nap with the baby, if necessary.

On days when the scheduled quiet time does not coincide with the baby’s nap then I will lie on the couch/floor while the kids play around me while the baby naps in her cot. Yes, it isn’t really restful but it is better than nothing. I have found that my body needs to be in a horizontal position at least once a day even if it is just for 10 – 15 minutes. And when I am really tired, I’ll even fall asleep in the midst of all the noise!

Everything seems more miserable, more overwhelming, more negative when one is exhausted. So put resting before chores and even school in the early days. You can reinstate everything else when you’ve had some rest.

One more thing. You may be tempted to drink coffee or tea or ginseng to perk you up but if it affects the baby, you would be creating another problem for yourself. So do check if your baby is affected by these stimulants before taking them.

Interference from others

As a new mom, there will be plenty of “help” and “advice” given – whether you asked for it or not These advice can cause great stress to the new mom and dad. Especially when the advice given are conflicting. And if you live with your parents or parents-in-laws, then you’ll have to navigate extremely sensitive grounds.

If you do live with your parents or your parents-in-laws, it is best if the “ground rules” were laid out from the very beginning. I do not have any real life experience of living with either set of parents as yet but from what I have observed, you’ll have to decide – with your dh – what are the issues that are important to you and stick to them. On less important issues, learn to close both eyes – and ears!

With regard to advice dished out by others, learn to smile and move on Don’t get on the defensive. You don’t need to explain why you do what you do. Unless they are truly interested.

Don’t let these common issues spoil your enjoyment of the little blessing God has given to your family. As you wrestle with them to find your footing as a new mom, don’t forget to pray! Pray for strength to see you through the day even though you are down to your last ounce of strength. The early days are tiring but it will pass! Talk to those who understand and seek encouragement from like-minded people to make this season a little easier to bear.

* You may want to read Struggles of  New Moms *

And if you know someone who has just become a new mother, do encourage and support her. Some helpful pointers can be found in “What A New Mother Needs“.

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My personal musings are found at Building An Ark in Singapore.