Potty Training

This question has come up again and again in conversations with new moms so I guess it is time to share how we do it in our home.

Please note : this is how we do it. I am not saying it is THE correct or best way but merely the way it has worked best for us.

A little background. I read my books, did my research and decided that we should potty train our oldest at 18mths. He was a very bright child, able to comprehend instructions and converse with us clearly. It was a big mistake. Yes, he understood what he had to do but he wasn’t matured enough to interrupt his play to relieve himself. It took almost a year of wiping and cleaning before he was accident free. And this was when I had a baby to handle as well. It was not a pleasant experience at all.

Then came nighttime training. He told me he didn’t want to wear diapers to bed! I was not excited. In fact, I was horrified. I told him, “No, no. You have to put on your diapers!”  But he was insistent. He said he would wake me up if he needed to relieve himself. I still wasn’t enthusiastic about the whole thing at all. I was imagining myself stripping off urine soaked bedsheets 2 to 3 times a night. Yucks! But to my utter surprise he had all of 2 accidents in the 1st week of going diaperless. And then we’re home free. Wow! What a difference from his daytime potty training.

And so I learnt – never rush potty training unless you have the time and energy to keep cleaning up after them.

So this is what I’ve done after that fiasco. Just for the record, I have trained 2 boys and 3 girls.

First, I wait. Sure you can toilet train a 18mth old or even a newborn and many have done so. You can read more about it if you google elimination communication. But it doesn’t sit well with me – watching the baby all the time for her signals. Maybe if I had started when I had 1 child I would feel differently. But I much preferred to wait until the child is at least 2.5 if not 3 years old. The actual age depends on the maturity of the child.

Next, introduce them to the concept of peeing and pooping You see, when they wear diapers they were trained to ignore their peeing sensations. So now you have to re-introduce them to it. How? Eg. whenyou are showering them and they accidentally pee, tell them, “oh! that’s your pee pee” (or whatever you want to call it ) and tell them that they need to pee in the toilet and not on the floor.

Then hype up potty training as the thing all big children do. Meanwhile, buy lots (and I mean lots!) of briefs/panties. And stand by lots of cloths for wiping up. Do note that some boys dislike the airiness of loose briefs after the snugness of diapers so you” ll have to make sure his briefs are fitting.

Then start.

Mentally, psyche yourself up to the fact that there will be lots of accidents in the 1st 3 days, if not 7. If done correctly, the child would get it by the 3rd day. I’ve had one trained by the 1st day!

Here is also where I will back off and not persist if the child is not getting it or showing that she is not interested. If the child is ignoring the signs her body is telling her, I stop. I’ll wait a while more before re-starting. But I’ll tell the child (hence the need to wait till the child is older and understands) why she can’t progress to wearing panties. And somehow they like to not wear diapers after experiencing the “freedom” of going diaperless.

Some couldn’t be bothered. But others have insisted that they really want to wear their panties and then voila! they were able to go accident free the next few days! For those who were unmotivated, I just leave it and return to it in a month’s time or so. Usually the 2nd round is easier. The kid knows what’s expected and is ready to be trained.

Nighttime training

Again, I wait. Some of our kids have been amazing in that the moment they were trained in the day, they were also trained in the night. It just connected for them. But there some who needed more incentives. Again, their motivation is to get rid of their diapers. Perhaps they really dislike wearing wet soggy diapers? I had to use a chart for one of them. I told her that she could get out of diapers if she could be dry 7 days in a row. And it was with much glee that she presented me with a dry diaper every morning so that we could mark a cross on her chart.

Some just sleep through the whole night and only wake up to pee in the morning. Some have had to wake up and pee in the middle of the night. Since we live in an HDB estate, there is never total darkness and so we’ve not had a need to leave any nightlights on for them to find their way to the toilet. There is an occasional miss by the boys – not because there isn’t any night light but because they are so groggy that they don’t aim!

We’ve also had a few accidents due to sleep walking. They walk to where they think the toilet is and peed. Really unpleasant but I guess part and parcel of parenting.

Some Other FAQs

• How do I decide when to start?

As I’d mentioned, I usually wait till they are 2.5 years old or older. You can check out BabyCenter’s potty training readiness signs here. I will also look for a time convenient to me (no newborn babies, not going for a vacation, not the Christmas/Chinese New Year period). Then I would just start. And pray! Don’t underestimate the power of prayer even in such trivial issue such as potty training.

• Do you use rewards?

No. So far, we’ve not had to. We just do lots of praising and clapping of hands. It doesn’t hurt that the older siblings are happy for them to. And of course when daddy is home, I would proudly announce, infront of the child, his achievement to daddy.

• What about pull ups?

I personally feel that pull ups work exactly like diapers. In other words, the kid feels that he has on a diaper and would not bother to tell me when he has peed in it. So it backfires on the effort to train him. I only use pull ups out of convenience for toddlers when we’re out  and not for a child in potty training.

• What about passing motion?

It helps if your child goes at regular times. Ours unfortunately do not So it is rather stressful when I start the potty training process. Lots of yucky messes! Worse when there’s a crawling baby in the house!

The thing is they would tell us after the deed is done not before. So again, lots of reminders that they need to tell us before. And standby dettol for major sterilising after the deed is done!

• Do I use a potty?

Yes, I did but only in the beginning. I bought the most basic one – no bells & whistles:) But now I try not to unless the kid feels really insecure sitting on the adult potty. This eliminates the need to transition them from the kiddy potty to the adult one. Also it allows them to pee in those dreaded public toilets. I also do not use a potty trainer seat. I just place them directly onto the adult potty and hold them till they are done.

• What about wiping up?

In the beginning, I’ll wipe up after them and then teach them how to do it once they are able to balancre on the potty steadily. For poop, I still wipe up after them till they turn 4 or so. I just prefer to be sure that they’re clean

• What about naps times?

I would put on diapers on them for naps, especially those who liked to take longer (by that I mean more than 1.5hr long) naps. Then if they were consistently dry, I would let them go to nap in their briefs/panties. Of course I would make them go potty before napping.

• Do I limit drinks in the evenings?

Yes I do. They drink all they want after dinner and may get just a sip of water in the interval between dinner and sleeptime. That is one reason why I do not encourage them to drink lots of milk or water once they are weaned.

• What about waterproof sheets?

Yes, obviously put a waterproof sheet over the mattress to protect it. One trick that is helpful for those middle of the night accidents - line your mattress this way : bedsheet-waterproof sheet-bedsheet. This way, when an accident happens, all you have to do is strip the bedsheet and waterproof sheet off and you already have a clean bedsheet in place.

If you are concerned that another accident may occur after that, then line your mattress this way : waterproof sheet-bedsheet-waterproof sheet-bedsheet. And during this time, limit the number of items on the bed. Perhaps only one stuffed toy instead of five.

• What about going out?

This one is really tricky. But in that one week that you are potty training the child, you would have known how long he can wait before he really needs to go. It would be good to remind him that he should not wait till the last minute to tell you he needs to go. Again – that’s why I wait till they are 2.5yrs old or older.

Obviously we make the child pee before we leave the house. We may or may not make him pee again upon reaching our destination and meanwhile keep a lookout for toilets. And definitely make him pee before you leave.

• What about using public toilets?

I think for boys, this is generally a non-issue. But for girls, it is a very daunting thing to have to bring our daughters to pee in public toilets I carry a de-sanitiser in my bag for the really gross toilets. Otherwise, I would just use a normal wipe to wipe the toilet seat and carry them to sit on it and tell them not to touch anything. Then of course make them wash their hands with soap after that.

And that is how I have done it with 5 out of our 7 children. #6 is due to be trained soon – shudder! Because, no matter how many times I have done this, I still dread it and wish I could pay someone to do this for me I hope some of these tips will help you as you potty train your child/ren.