It’s A God Thing

Many times I get asked – how do you do it? You cook and clean and homeschool and on top of that, you are a mother of 7!

First of all, let me tell you that I do not do it alone. At this point in my life, I have older children who are able to help out. And before I had these older helpers? I was younger! But seriously, I do not do it all. See 10 Myths Debunked.

But I have been thinking this through and wondering how I can be of help and encouragement to moms who are struggling. And I am reminded that it is a God Thing. 

I can’t do what I do on my own strength. I know that too well. There are many, many days that I try to and fall flat on my face and then rant and complain about it. Days when I feel like I am slowly going mad.

There are systems and routines we have set in place as a family. We have invested in training our children to be helpers and not just consumers in our home. We work as a team. The children are great helpers and I am thankful for them.

But other than that, it is truly God at work. How He sustains dh and myself when we are physically exhausted and mentally drained. And yet everyday we get up and do it all over again. His mercies ae truly new every morning. He certainly guides and sustains us as we do His work.

Is it easy? Nope. No way. And to top it off, it is tiring. I confess readily that there are days when I do wish I were somewhere far, far away doing my own thing. Then I need to re-focus. Tough but necessary. And turn to God. Afterall, it is a God Thing! So you can do it too.

Dealing with Discontentment

But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. 1 Timothy 6:6-7

In a society where we are always encouraged to upgrade – to the latest handphone, car, house, job, educational qualifications, etc. It is hard to be content with what one has. And yet Paul teaches that godliness WITH contentment is great gain. So we should learn to be content with what we have.

But it’s hard isn’t it?

And why are we discontent? Because we are unhappy with our lot. Why are we unhappy with our lot? Because we think we deserve better. Why do we think we deserve better? Because we deserve it. Why do we think we deserve it? Because we have worked very hard. Because we are good persons.

Notice how it is always about us? Where is God in all this?

NO.WHERE.

Who cares about God? It is all about what I want and deserve. It is all about me! Not very Christ-like, am I?

So what’s the solution? As I was mulling over this for the longest time (this post was drated 6 months ago!), I think the points below are worth considering.

Focus on God

Let us put God back into the picture. Into our lives. If we would always remember to ask ourselves, “What does God say to our situation?” This question, this focus, will eliminate alot of discontentment. Sure, God wants us to have the best. But is the best a bigger house? A newer car? More shoes? Or does He want us to work on being content and developing our Christ-likeness for His glory?

Focus on what we have

We need to focus on what we already have and not on what we don’t have.

So I would love to have a bigger place or perhaps live in a condo with nice facilities. But I don’t – not at the moment at least:) However, I do have a home to call my own which is truly mine and not the bank’s! And I can make it nice and neat so that there is space to move around in the home instead of tripping over clutter. Be Pollyanna-like if you will

Do we really need it?

This is one more question to ask. Do we really need to spend $200 to upgrade to the latest handphone? Or is it just something nice to have, so that we don’t look bad when all our friends are carrying the latest gadget?

 It is all about attitude and a mind set. Let us “set (our minds) on things above, not on things on the earth.” Colossians 3:2.

And this is a reminder to me as well! :)

How I Became A Christian

But by the grace of God I am what I am 1 Cor 15:10

So what’s my story?

Was I “born” a Christian? Did I “convert” because I married a Christian man? The answers to both questions is “no”.

Being a Christian is something I thought I’d never be. Especially when told by a stranger that I was destined to hell when I was a child. Proud and stubborn me did not take to that kindly. So be it then, was my first thought. Life was generally good. I had no need for God. Besides my dad had always taught us to be self-sufficient. Not to depend on others, much less God.

The turning point came after a marriage proposal from my then-boyfriend, Henson, that God revealed Himself. Henson said he wanted a Church wedding. But the problem was that we needed to be members of a Church before any Church would let us marry in it! To cut a very long story short, we went Church shopping and decided on Wesley Methodist Church as Henson’s home church was undergoing renovation on the date we wanted to get married on. And then he found out that he wasn’t really a member but just a friend of the Church!

So instead of simply just transferring his membership from his home church to Wesley MC, both of us ended up having to attend Wesley’s membership course. In my mind, I would just sit through the class and go through the motions just to gain membership into the Church to get married. Terrible, eh? But thankfully, God had other plans for me.

Somewhere between the 4th and 5th class, God touched me. No, there was no lightning and thunder ala Paul’s road to Damascus. But a very firm conviction that this IS the TRUTH. I don’t remember the exact point but I believe it was during one of Dr Aw Swee Eng’s Creation lectures. It just made sense. And when TRUTH stares at you in the face, you would have to just accept it. To deny it is foolish.

So I was baptised in November 1997. That membership class opened both our eyes in so many ways. You could say that was the turning point in our lives My husband is now a pastor of Covenant Christian Church. God has done many things with and through us since then.

And this is the story of how I, who was a lost and wretched sinner, became reconciled to God through Jesus Christ. Without fail, everytime I think back to those early days, I always, always marvel that God would in His infinite grace and mercy call and draw me close to Him. Thank you Jesus for saving me and for not giving up on me!

Why So Many Children?

So why do we have so many children? No, it is not that we absolutely adore babies nor am I in any way the maternal sort. In fact, I never wanted children.  So how did we end up with 7 children in slightly less than 11 years?

There are 2 main reasons :

1. Children are God’s rewards.

Sons are a heritage from the Lord,
children a reward from Him.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one’s youth.
Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame when they content with their
enemies in the gate.

Ps 127:3 – 5

Children are little blessings that the Lord sends down to us. We almost never say no to being rewarded with a fatter bank account or a bigger house or a bigger car. But how many times have you seen people shrink back in horror (mock or otherwise) when you ask them if they would like to have more children? What does this say about society and its view on children? As someone wrote in our local newspaper some time ago, children are often viewed as a liability, not an asset. I do not deny that the little people are hard work. That is a fact. But the work we do for them and with them has eternal repercussions. Working at the office does not

The Bible clearly say that children are blessings. But many, in today’s world, Christians included, do not see them as such. In fact barreness is celebrated! People try all sorts of ways* to not get pregnant. But when viewed through the eyes of scriptures, barreness is a curse from the Lord! Not something to covet.

2. God is the one who opens & closes wombs

We did not start out being quiverful. (The term “quiverful” is used when families trust in the Lord to plan the number of children they have and even the spacing between them.) Like all intelligent and practical couples  we were going to have the lovely perfect 2-child family. And lo and behold, when we had 1 boy & 1 girl, everybody told us that we can “close shop”.

But as I was pregnant with my 2nd child, I came across an email group that discussed being quiverful. It was a strange and alien concept to me. Afterall, God gave us brains, right? So why should we throw away our brains and let God lead and plan our lives? And remember, I did not particularly like children and have never been one to coo over babies. We definitely did not start out planning to have a large family. Two is more than enough, thank you!

And yet, something about the quiverful philosophy spoke to me and I shared it with dh. Both of us came to the same conclusion. We say we that we trust God, that He is in control and He knows best. We put our lives and souls into His hands and yet here we are trying to control our own fertility. (Do we actually have control over our fertility???)

So what does that say about our faith in Him? If we say that the Bible is right, that children are blessings and rewards from God, then why are we saying NO to more babies?

For me, there was only one reason why I was saying no – selfishness. Having more than 2 babies would inconvenience me even more than what I was dealing with! Children are hard work. Having more babies meant that I would have to postpone many of my dreams. The more children we have thelonger I have to postpone those dreams. And I would so love to be thin again! Like I said, they were selfish reasons

So in an act of faith, we decided to take God at His word and trust Him to plan out the number of children He has for us and even the spacing of the children. It has been an exciting adventure as we were then very quickly blessed with 7 children in 11yrs!

Is it easy? Nope! And let me tell you, it is tiring too. But the faith walk is never easy and we thank God that He knows how weak our faith is and is ever so gracious to meet us at our level. We freely admit that sometimes we worry that we could have 12 children or more at this rate till I hit menopause. Especially on those days when everything that can go wrong, goes wrong. But this line of thought is presumptious and boastful. It may or may not happen.

May this challenge you if you are thinking about having another child but think you are being impractical. Following God does not seem practical. What He calls us to do may not seem wise. But whose standards are we following when we say something is impractical or unwise? God’s? Or the world’s system?

Yes, little people are hard work. Little children that need to be trained drains away your energy. But and I say this to myself all the time when I am feeling down – God has a purpose for each of these little people and He gave them to you and me to raise them up for Him. What an honour to be chosen! What a privilege. And how cute they can be

So that is why we have the number of children we have. Will we have more? I am content to stop here. And I have been content to stop way back when we had 2. But I don’t know what the Lord has in store for us. I can only pray for His strength and wisdom to raise them right.

* I’ve also learnt that almost all chemical and hormonal contraceptives act as an abortifacient. These contraception methods work on 2 levels – a) prevent the egg from being fertilised by the sperm and b) if that fails and fertilisation should occur, make the uterine wall hostile to the embryo so that it is unable to attach itself to the uterine wall. Meaning it causes your body to abort the baby.

 

~~~ Adapted and updated on 30th June 2009. This post was originally published on 9th September 2006 as “Are They All Yours?” ~~~

Depending on God

I have come to realise that without trials, one doesn’t need God. Yes, we pay lip service to how good and faithful God is but we don’t fully appreciate His goodness and faithfulness until we hit a brick wall and crumple into a heap.

No wonder James tells us to “count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” (James 1:2-4)

For truly, without trials, we don’t need to depend wholeheartedly on God. We can still rely on our own strength and capabilites.

Our faith is tested in times of trials. Do we get angry at God? Do we give up on God? Do we cling on tightly to God?

For me, there is no other God to serve. He is God. The one and only true God. I don’t understand why He does what He does most times but He is  a good God. He wants what’s best for me, His created creature – which may or may not include material possesions. But his ultimate goal is to transform me into the likeness of His Son, Jesus Christ.

And trials do that. Read James 1:2 -4 again, especially verse 4. “But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing”. He wants us to be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

He is not an indulgent parent, giving in to my whims and fancies. He wants me to reflect the glory of His Son to those around me that they too will want what I have. Then He can have the joy of having them in His Kingdom as well.

I may not always acknowledge Him, being carnal and proud but I depend on God for everything. One day I will post my testimony of His grace upon my life that I shared at the Metropole YMCA Lunchtime Fellowship.

A person with no trials in his or her life may seemingly have a good life but a faith that is not tested is not faith. As Reverend Francis shared in one of his sermons at Covenant Vision Christian Church, “How can you be an overcomer if you have not overcomed?”

May you sit and reflect on your life – the good and the bad and the in-betweens.

Do YOU depend on God? Or do you depend on yourself? Your parents? Your dh? The maid? Friends? Church?

Trials are not pleasant. They can be a downright pain in the you-know–where but it does bring us one step closer to God if we let Him do His work in us. If we resist, then we miss what He wanted to give us.

This is not being perverse, welcoming ill-fortune into our lives. No. This is not what I mean. I refer to the trials God allows, not trials that result from our foolishness or pride or sin. Although, even with those trials, God can work His miracle and blessings into our lives. If we would let him.

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My personal musings can be found at Building An Ark in Singapore.

Why We Don’t Do Yoga or TCM

I have been wanting to write this post for the longest time but never found time to craft it properly. But with the amount of distraction I have been facing lately, if I don’t write this now, I guess I’ll never write it.

And I do think it is important enough that I am posting this here and on my blog.

In a nutshell, we do not do yoga or TCM simply because we personally feel it does not glorify God and may in fact lead to open doorways for our adversary to enter into our lives.

Why do I say that?

All that I have read about both indicate that the roots of both are based on a religion contrary to our Christian beliefs. Yoga has its roots in Hinduism and TCM in Taoism.

Yes, one may say that one is not praying to the gods of either religion but you are participating in part of their worship ritual. If you ask any one who has participated in yoga heavily, you will realise it isn’t just an exercise. And whether you chant or not, you are participating in something that has spiritual roots.

With TCM, don’t get me wrong. I am not against the use of herbs or even massage to heal and as an alternative to Western treatment. But again, its basis on qi is not biblical. According to what I have read, the so-called qi needs to be balanced – positive with negative, male with female. No where in the bible does it ever mention this concept.

I have no doubt yoga or TCM works – in certain cases – but we need to ask a very important question : WHY does it work? WHO is behind the healing?

You may read more about this lady’s experience with yoga and her conviction against it. Read her interview with CBN.com HERE.

This is an excerpt, “These are postures that are offered to the 330 million Hindu gods. Yoga postures really are; they are offerings to the gods.”

Removing parts of something that has spiritual roots does not remove the fact that there IS a spiritual force behind it. It would be naive to think that there will be no repurcussions on our own spiritual walk. And just because it didn’t seem to have affected you, does not mean the spiritual power is not at work. Just as you happened to dash across the road and didn’t get knocked down does not mean that it is therefore safe for everyone to dash across the road.

So no, no matter how good and effective these alternative options seem to be, we would like to avoid treading onto dangerous grounds. Even if it means being made fun of by those around us who have accepted these practices and swear by them.

If you are interested to explore this further, do check out Living in Deceptive Times by Reverend Francis Khoo. He outlines what our Christian response should be to Deceptive and New Age Medicine, Chinese Traditional Medicine, Acupuncture, Reflexology, Aromatherapy, Yoga, and Non-Christian Meditation. It costs $20.30 for a set of 5 CDs from Covenant Vision Centre’s eStore.

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My personal musings can be found at Building An Ark in Singapore.

Using ourselves as THE yardstick

As sinful and prideful human beings, we tend to judge others based on our own beliefs, values and practices. And then conclude that the other person must be wrong if they do not follow what we do or believe. But I have learnt that this is not always fair or correct. After all, as the saying goes – you need to walk a mile* in his/her shoes before you should even begin to judge a person.

Take the sensitive issue of being a stay-at-home-mom. Some like to think they have the nobler job of sacrificing their all to be there for their child/ren. And look down with disdain at the working mom who must be definitely a self-centred mom who loves her job more than her child/ren. Is this necessarily true?

Or the other sensitive issue of breastfeeding and co-sleeping. Just because one does not breastfeed or co-sleep, does that make one a more selfish parent than one who does?

When we use ourselves as THE yardstick, we tend to become very biased and even closed-minded. We forget to be matured and open-minded to accept that there are many options out there for each family, each individual. And we should not put down the other party who does not believe what we believe.  Please note though, that I am talking about trivial, non-salvation issues, not obvious sins

 

Therefore, unless the other person does something obviously wrong and/or objectionable, we should strive to be pleasant to one another and stop using ourselves as THE yardstick. We can state nicely and respectfully that we disagree with their choices/actions and why but we need not look down on the person.

Romans 12:18
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

And if we are the ones being judged, don’t get offended. Every family is different. Every family is called to do something different. If we are truly obeying the call of God in our lives and doing our best to live it out, no one has the right to put us down or to judge us. But on our part, let’s not judge others just because we wouldn’t dream of doing what they are doing.

I know, I know. It is easier said than done! Many times I have judged someone too, especially on issues that I am passionate about. May this be a reminder to you and to me the next time we want to comment on any topic but especially those we are passionate about.

Afterall, as we feel hurt that we were judged, so do we hurt those we judge without finding out their reasons behind what they do.

* I prefer the funnier version of this saying that goes - don’t judge a person till you have walked a mile in his shoes coz by then you would be a mile away and you would have his shoes!

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For my personal musings, visit Building An Ark in Singapore.

What Have I Learnt?

Just recently, it suddenly dawned upon me that I have been pregnant and nursing for 11 years, non-stop, since July 1997, except for a break of 4 months in 1999!!! Amazing! Praise be to God!

The Lord was gracious to allow me to conceive our 1st born in July 1997. He was born in April 1998 and weaned when he turned one in April 1999. The Lord then opened my womb and I conceived again in August 1999. Ever since then I have been pregnant or nursing! Wow! I am in awe of what He has done.

So what have I learnt? Let me share them with you and see if what i have learnt helps you.

Pregnancy & Labour

Well, it is way easier to be pregnant in your 20s than in your 30s! When I was pregnant with my first, I didn’t experience nausea, tiredness or back ache. It was a great pregnancy! Then when I was pregnant with my second, I had that wonderful – not! excess production of saliva that made me nauseous (which has gotten worse with each subsequent pregnancy!). The niggling lower back ache also made its appearance then. Fast forward to this current pregnancy. Everything seemed to have been magnified! Bleah!

I have also learnt that no matter how many times one births, every single labour and delivery is different and one can never anticipate what it is going to be like. Which means one should never get complacent! But one thing that remained consistent was this – never rush to the hospital at the onset of labour. Trust me – it is way more comfortable to labour at home – even with the children milling around you, than to labour in the hospital.

And never assume that God will work in the same way every time! Eg. give you the exact same sign to know when to leave for the hospital. I have learnt that God wants me to trust Him, not a method! For the last birth, I had assumed I would just know when to leave for the hospital and that’s how I ended up birthing the last baby in the hospital lobby! It was fun and memorable but erm…I don’t think I want to do that again!

Breastfeeding

Never assume that just because you breastfed one baby successfully, you’ll be an expert with the rest and vice versa. Each baby is different. Some need more help in getting started than others. I know how to breastfeed but the baby doesn’t!

So this means that just because you had an easy/difficult time with one baby doesn’t mean the rest will be easy/difficult. I had an easy time with the first and had horrible mastitis with my second. TWICE! And I had blocked ducts with her and almost every baby, except this current nursling! Yes, despite knowing what to do!

Care of baby

Since every baby is different, the care of each one is also different. Some are easy going, others are high need. Some sleep easily others are woken up if you so much as look at them. Serious!

I have learnt to go with the flow, especially in the early months. No point angsting about it. I know, I know - 1st time moms have a difficult time grasping this concept I have been there, remember? But it helps everyone when you learn to relax from day 1.

OR … you could have 6 babies and learn by baby #6

 

a) Stop watching the clock!

I believe in scheduling the baby, especially to prevent them from snacking and falling asleep at the breast after 2 – 3 suckles. BUT I have learnt to relax. Sometimes, baby really needs to suckle to sleep – well, until she finds her thumb or fingers! And if the baby shows signs of sleepiness even if it is 10 minutes before its sleep time, please let the baby go to sleep! Same with the nursing. Bringing forward the baby’s nap or feeding by 15minute or delaying it isn’t going to bring the world to its end. It’s true! Sometimes the baby just gotta nurse/sleep!

b) Sleeping through the night is NOT the ultimate goal in life

Yes, we all function better with enough sleep. But what is enough sleep? Isn’t it a given that being sleep deprived is part of the deal of being a parent, especially a mom? I mean it is great that the baby sleeps through at 6 weeks on his own but to force it through?

I believe in sleep training and wrote a 2-parter on it. But it is really not the ultimate aim in my life. And it should’t be yours unless there’s a critical situation in your home/family. Making it the goal is stressful for everyone.

Besides it doesn’t mean that once the baby sleeps through you are home free. The baby will still have periods of wakefulness, bad dreams, illness, etc. And this goes on till they are 3? 10? 21?

c) You can’t rush a baby

Be it to start eating solids or to crawl or walk before he is ready. All you can do is provide him opportunities to develop. You may offer him some food but if he refuses, leave it. Stop forcing it. He may be protecting himself from allergies by refusing to start solids early. Try again later and don’t let it stress you.

Same with crawling and walking. Unless you are carrying the baby endlessly, a normal baby should show signs of wanting to move on his own in his own time! I know someone who put the baby in the playpen all the time and then worried that the baby wasn’t walking by one!

This applies to potty training as well. I have learnt that it is easier – on me and the child – if I just wait it out. I have nothing against those who choose to start earlier than I do – if the child is ready. Just because your neigbour’s kid was potty trained at 1 doesn’t mean your child is ready at 1.

And don’t let what others say shame you into forcing your child to start before he is ready. To those who exclaim that my 2 yr old should be potty trained, I ask them, “would you be so kind as to come and clean up the mess they make so that I can nurse and care for the baby?”

 

d) Discipline

Six children, all with different personality quirks. Yes, some are easier to discipline than others. But all children can be disciplined.

It really annoys me to hear that I am “lucky” or “blessed” to have such easy going children. My dh and I spend a lot of time and energy disciplining our children! True, some require more effort and creativity than others when disciplining them. But they all have been trained at a young age.

And I have learnt that the earlier you start, the easier it’ll be. Wait too long and ingrained bad habits are harder to re-train out of them.

e) Babies will fall sick/fall down

Yes, breastfed or not, babies will fall sick. Some more often than others. This is life And yes, babies will fall – sometimes off the bed, sometimes from the chair and especially when they are learning new skills.

It is OK!!!

Do the responsible thing – keep baby away from obviously ill people, watch over the baby and don’t leave the baby unattended, especially mobile babies! Use your common sense. But illnesses and accidents will happen.

f) Relax

Babies are very sensitive. They pick up on our feelings. Notice how the baby would just refuse to sleep when you need him to? He senses that something is up and is anxious too! That’s why an experienced mom is more often than not able to calm a baby than a new, anxious mom.

When you are relaxed and confident, the baby relaxes. The people around you relax. They’ll stop hovering around you and asking you well-meaning but endless questions

 

g) Enjoy your baby

Yes, I have said this repeatedly. Enjoy your baby. Doesn’t matter if the housework isn’t done – the baby doesn’t care. The people around you need to know that the baby comes first – at least for the first few months.

Doesn’t matter if school isn’t done the way you want it to be done. They’ll catch up. And if they are old enough they should take over being responsible for their own schoolwork. If they refuse/cannot be responsible, then perhaps you have been micro-managing too much. It is time they learnt to grow up and be independent and learn the meaning of consequences.

Spend time bonding and playing and just being with your baby when they need you the most. Once it is over, it is over. Then learn to let go and let the baby grow up and start separating from you. Don’t hold them back then!

And to end this piece on a lighter note …

h) It takes longer for the weight to come off after you hit 35!

It’s true! It took me 6 months to lose my pregnancy weight before I hit 35. After that, it took me 6 – 9 months to lose the weight. By the time I had #6, it took me one whole year to lose it! I can’t/don’t want to imagine how long I’d take to lose the weight after I turn 40!

Well, we’re expecting baby #7 in March 2009. I am sure I am going to be learning lots more with this baby! And praying hard that I will lose all the pregnancy weight!

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For my personal musings, visit Building An Ark in Singapore

Quotes to Live By

Here are some quotes that one would need to think upon when the going gets tough!

Dorothy Morrison, My Turn, Newsweek, October 17 1988. p14

Homemaking is not employment for slothful, unimaginative, incapable women. It has as much challenge and opportunity, success and failure, growth and expansion, perks and incentives, as any corporate career.

Maya Angelou for Success

What you’re supposed to do when you don’t like a thing is change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Don’t complain.

Dorothy Kelley Patetrson, Where’s Mom? The High Calling of Wives and Mothers, Crossway Books, 2003, p20

The best way to make homemaking a joyous task is to offer it as unto the Lord; the only way to avoid drudgery in such mundane work is to bathe the tasks with prayer and catch a vision of the divine challenge in making a home, helping husband, and nurturing a child.

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Check out my Blog, Building An Ark in Singapore, to see what we have been up to.

Choosing Friends

Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Cor 15:33 (NIV)

Blessed is the man
Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,
Nor stands in the path of sinners,
Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;
Psalm 1

I have been thinking about this for a while. These verses reminds us that who we mix with has an effect on us – good or bad. We need to be mindful who we choose we friends.

So when a reader of the website wrote to me commenting that :

It’s important that we keep around friends that will always bring us back to the counsel of God. So if we feel that certain people’s company drag us down by causing us to engage in gossip, malice, or make us discontented by comparing to others, then we should either try to exert a godly influence over them, or if not, keep away from them.

I thought that was God’s reminder to me to write this post!  

There’s no denying that birds of a feather flock together. And one usually can tell the type a person is by the friends he/she keeps – for better or worse.

So not only do we need to choose our friends wisely, we need to guide our children to do the same. How many times have we heard stories of good kids turn bad due to the negative influence of friends? Sadly, we hear much less of bad kids turned good.

Choosing Our Friends

As SAHMs, we need to choose our friends wisely or we will be pulled down by thoughts of coveteousness and envy. I know someone who was happy to be a mom of many till she met up with other mothers who had less children and more cash. She started wanting to be like these other moms who had time to go for high tea, chit chat and shopping instead of being housebound with her very young children.

Let’s face it, as SAHM with a 24/7 job, which one of us hasn’t entertained thoughts of going back to the workforce? Especially when things at home aren’t going as well as you want it to be. Who you choose to confide in can impact your attitude.

On some really bad days, I would sms a friend and tell her that I quit and shall leave the kids and go back to work. But she would always remind me that we are made of sterner stuff! Then proceed to tell me how she wanted to throw in the towel too! Lol!

My point? A godly friend who builds you up can sympathise and even commiserate in your agonisingly bad days but is always there to help break up the pity party and point you back to God. We need godly friends like these.

We need our friends to build us up, not tear us down. Our friends may not agree with our convictions or parenting method but they need not tear us down. Our friends should be mature enough to agree to disagree instead of taking potshots at us, especially when one is down.

But in practical terms, it is much easier to be with friends who share your beliefs and lifestyle. So choose wisely and be very careful whom you take counsel from.

What about our children’s friends?

If your children attend public school, it is difficult to choose their friends for them. So you may have to counteract the influence of their friends regularly.

If you’d read a recent article in The Sunday Times, a parent commented that because they attend a upmarket pre-school, their children have started to ask for more overseas holidays and branded items.

A friend I spoke to 2 days ago commented that her daughter picked up a lot of flirtaious behaviour when attending pre-school! She has since pulled her out and is homeschooling her.

Another friend did not like her son’s behaviour and speech after attending a particular school. She had to make special appeals to transfer him out of that school.

If your child’s close friend is obnoxious and rebellious but fun to be with, I can guarantee that your young child will be influenced by that kind of behaviour. It appeals to his natural, sin nature.

Yes, friends have an impact on us and our children. The mroe time we spend with these friends, the greater their impact on us.

Beacons of Light?

Ideally, we are to be such beacons of light that people are drawn to us and are changed by us instead of us being changed by them. But realistically and sadly, this is rare. 

What About Evangelism?

But does this mean we only mix with godly people? What about the lost? Don’t we have a responsibility to reach out to them? Of course we do! The fine line is to lead them to Christ not have them lead us away from Christ.

Core Circle

My solution to this dilemma? I choose my CORE circle of friends very carefully while befriending the lost and unsaved. And definitely take my counsel from godly, spirit-filled friends.

May this spur you to think about the friends you have. It may be time to lessen contact or even terminate relations with friends who are exerting a less than godly influence over you.

And you would definitely want to  remove ungodly friends from your child/ren while you still are able to. If they are matured enough, teach them how to choose friends (one day they will get it! Lol!). So that in time to come, you can release them and trust that they will, under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, be prudent in their choice of friends.