Birth Story #7

*** For my 6 other birth stories, go to My Birth Stories ***

 

 As we celebrate baby’s one month on 12th April, I thought it would be timely to add her birth story on this site as well. So if you have read it before, please feel free to skip it. But if you never tire of reading birth stories, you are most welcomed to read it again

The labour and birth of our seventh child brought a new meaning to me on depending on God for birthing and not on man. You could say that our seventh birth was an unplanned, planned homebirth If you had read My Homebirthing Journey, you would have known that I had not planned for a homebirth at the beginning. All along, I had planned to go to the hospital.

However, there were a handful of people who asked if I was planning a homebirth this time since our 6th labour and birth was so quick. Even our older children started to ask us to birth at home!

That was when I started to think that perhaps I should prepare for one in case I birth even faster this time round. So I started to read up (articles as well as natural birthing forums) and view homebirth videos and asked questions of those who had birthed at home in Singapore, UK and the US. And as I packed my hospital bag, I prepared a homebirth “kit” of sorts as a standby as well.

These are the stats :

• EDD : Friday, 6th March 2009
• Date of birth : Thursday 12th March 2009
• Weight at birth : 4.3kg (our biggest baby!)
• Head circumference : 36cm (again, the biggest!)
• Length of labour : 20hours from start to end (longest labour ever!)

And here is how the labour and birth panned out.

Wednesday, 11th March 2009 (40 weeks 5days)

We saw the dr in the morning and he casually mentions that this baby is much larger than my previously 3.5kg  large baby (#4). The u/s showed a possible 3.7kg baby. At that point I was unfazed as I’d already thought that the baby was about 3.8kg from the size of my belly. 

About 6pm

Early labour started as we left for our 14th wedding anniversary dinner just before  6pm, I had very mild contractions every 10 minutes apart. But I didn’t say anything coz I wasn’t sure. 

About 8pm – went to the toilet.

Thursday, 12th March 2009 (40weeks 6days)

Midnight – went to sleep with contractions still coming on every 10 minutes. A little more intense now. Feeling urge to empty bowels but nothing happens.

12:35am – woken up with urge to pee. Almost immediately felt intense contraction. Managed to go right back to sleep after relieving myself.

3:10am – contractions woke me up. Contractions seem to have moved closer. Every 5 minutes. Urge to go to the toilet again. Successful! Started to time length of contractions. 30 – 45seconds long. Pressure on rectal area is felt.

Lying down was not comfortable at all. Stood and leant against the bed with pillow and bolster as props.

4:10am came downstairs to get a drink. Contractions continue at 5 minutes apart, 30 – 45 seconds long. Went back up to rest. Feeling rather restless though. Contractions still 5 minutes apart. Realising that there was no breakfast in the house (we were planning to have breakfast out), I started to write out what to order for whom from MacDonald’s and stuck it up on the whyte board.

When dh stirred at around 7plus am, I told him that the morning’s plan of visiting the chiropractor and Science Centre was off Told dh to call Mac’s for breakfast instead.

I started to sms friends to inform them that labour is established and to pray for me In my mind, it would be all over in 1 – 2 hrs. But what did I know!

The contractions started to last longer but not closer. From 30 – 45 seconds to 45 seconds to 1 minute. All this while I was walking and getting on all fours and rocking. I even sat on the toilet bowl to labour!

10:25am – went to the toilet and passed out mucous plug. Was most pleased coz from past experience, it meant labour was very imminent – for me, that is. At that moment, dh popped his head in & I happily told him – soon!

Contractions began lasting 1 minute 15 seconds to 1 minute 30 seconds long but still at 5 minute intervals. No urge to push. I was starting to get tired and annoyed. Afterall, I hadn’t slept since 3am and had no appetite for any food. And the fast labour I had anticipated was just not happening. I kept asking God, “What is happening???”

All this while I was labouring alone in the room – I much prefer it this way. Meanwhile dh was popping his head in every now and then to check my progress. Each time he was met with a shake of the head, indicating no progress! The next time he popped his head in, I told him, I was going to sleep!

So I lay down & promptly fell asleep, waking only upon each contraction. At about 12:30pm, I felt a gush of stuff coming out of me. I thought my waterbag had broken. Then I looked, it was just a small puddle. Dh said, “so little?” Lol.

Contractions became a little more intense after that. Each contraction pushed out more mucous. I now got up from bed to walk, rock, go on all fours, squat – whatever I’d read that can help labour progress. But nope! things remained the same. Frustrating. Still 5 minutes apart!

I began to suspect that my baby is not facing the correct position (baby was ROA throughout the pregnancy) and hence there was a lot of movement inbetween the contractions and I was feeling a lot of back aches, totally non-existent in my previous 6 births.

At that point in time I was still wondering when to make a move to go to the hospital. In my mind, going by past experiences, I had planned to make a move to the hospital once I started to feel the urge to push but so far, I have had no urge to push and the contractions were not getting any closer at all.

But at about 1:00pm, I decided to sms my dad to make his way over to our home to watch the children, regardless of the stage of labour.

Shortly after that, when dh popped his head in again and I told him, “I think  the baby is not in the correct position and that’s why we’re not progressing. And my back is aching!” He started to pray and command Anna to get into the right position. After that he massaged my back a little then the doorbell rang!  My dad was here!

1:50pm – As dh left the room to open the door, I felt a movement down into my cervix (the head?!) and then an intense contraction which broke the real waterbag. This time it was a huge gush. (I have no idea what the previous gush of water was!) The bed was soaked. The back ache was gone! And then I felt the urge to push!

The Birth

Well, at that point, I wasn’t about to make my way to the hospital for sure! Dh walked in and saw the mess on the bed. I climbed down from our bed to the mattress I had specially prepared on the floor. I immediately got on all fours and started to push with the contractions.

But guess what? Each contraction was still very far apart. And as I pushed, I would feel the slight ring of fire at the cervix and just as I thought I could bring forth the head, the contractions would stop and and the baby would slip right back in! Argh! I did this 3 times! I was getting increasingly fed-up

When the next contraction came, I told myself, I am going to push her out, with all I have got. So I did – or thought I did. I felt the stretch of the perinium but couldn’t see what was happening so I asked dh for a description. I was hoping that the head was completely out and all I had to do was wait for the next contraction to push the shoulders out. Nope!

After that huge effort of pushing, all I got was was just the rim of the head, just before the eyebrows! Oh man! Frustration is an understatement!

Then I felt another contraction and I pushed. This time, I felt the burning sensation all around and it hurt for a while. Then the sting subsided. No more stinging. But the head was not out either!

What was happening?! I was very puzzled. With my previous births, once I felt the ring of fire, the head would be out and in a twinkling of an eye, the shoulders and the rest of the body. But not this time. And why was the interval between the contractions taking so long??? * I tried to push some more on my own but of course nothing happens and then I tried to breathe her out. Nothing happens either!

Then I felt more contractions coming along but very mild. With each contraction, Dh would go, ”I see the eyes now”, “the nose”, “the lips”.** Then NOTHING!!! I’m like, “huh?” It was like a slow motion movie!

Dh asked, “Do I do anything?” “No!” came my quick reply! “Just leave her alone. Don’t pull her!” Meanwhile, she was just stuck in me. It was highly awkward and uncomfortable.  I asked hopefully, “Are her shoulders out?” ”No, it isn’t.” Grrr…. 

I asked dh,”So what do we do now?” Of course he had no answer! Lol! I tried shifting around slowly but no position was comfortable except on all fours. So I stayed in that position and waited for the next contraction to come that seemed to take forever! Talk about total and complete dependence on God!

Although neither of us knew what to do, what was awesome was that I was very calm* inside. No fear. No pain. No panic. All glory to God!

Then comes the next awesome part, I felt her turn very slowly. Usually this part happens so fast I don’t feel it but this time I did! I remember yelling at dh, “Don’t pull her!” And he goes, “I’m not doing anything! She’s turning on her own!”

And then there was a pause.

I prayed for contractions to re-start, while dh was praying for Anna to cooperate with my body.

A mild contraction came on, one which result in some liquid coming out of me, not the shoulders. Another contraction, more liquid, no shoulders. Suddenly felt huge contraction coming on, I pushed with all my might and the shoulders slid right out. Hurray! baby is out! (Dh said that as the baby turned, he saw something white pushing through. It was actually one of the shoulders! Cool, eh?)

Dh caught the baby and she lay on the mattress. I looked at the baby lying there. She looked a bit shell shocked, spitting out stuff from her mouth. She lay very quietly, looking all around. Dh handed her to me and she was very quiet. Dh handed her to me and I rubbed her back, as I’d read before and asked for a clean towel to be wrapped around her. Then she started to cry and wouldn’t stop! Haha!

Dh then went outside and called all the children up. They were so thrilled! Our 21 month old kept going, “baby, baby!” And “wet, wet!” referrring to the amniotic fluid that had flowed off the the mattress and onto the floor.

Immediate Post Partum

I tried to nurse her but she was too busy crying. As I sat next to the bed rubbing her and admiring her, I felt a slight contraction and something whoosed out of me. I thought it was the placenta but it was just some blood clots. So I told dh I was going to sit on the bed instead of the mattress on the floor.

So I climbed up and sat down with the intention to nurse the baby once I was comfortable. In my mind, I was going to put the designated placenta basin under me to catch the placenta when it comes out.

But before I could do anything, I felt a contraction. I lifted up myself slightly and it slipped right out of me, effortlessly! My poor dh had to scoop it up – all warm, squishy and slimely into the basin

Then the baby started to nurse a little. But she wasn’t very interested. So I told dh that I wanted to go wash up and put on some clothes. I was starting to feel cold.

As I stepped off the bed and took a step towards the bathroom, a huge gush of water and blood flowed out and splashed all over the floor, walls, standing fan, dresser….It looked like a crime scene from the show CSI

While I made my way slowly to the bathroom, I started to feel giddy and started to hear voices drifting off. Not a good sign. I was going to faint. I quickly knelt down on the toilet floor and the giddiness went away. I managed to shower off most of the blood and made my way back to the bed to lie back and nurse the baby. This time she was very interested in nursing!

Meanwhile, dh had to clean up the entire mess all by himself! He’s been just so great! He not only had to clean up the bed and floow and walls, he also had to hurry since I wanted to get to the hospital.

As he finished off, I got up to rinse off more blood that had pooled as I lay nursing. Little did I know that as I stood up, I deposited another huge puddle of blood on the floor! He had to clean up AGAIN!

Again, I felt that I was going to faint, so I quickly changed and made our way down to the car as quickly as possible so that I wouldn’t faint on him!

And yes, we didn’t cut the umbilical cord. So we carried the basin containing the placenta with the baby to the hospital.

Admission to Mt Alvernia

Admission into the hospital was really funny though. They didn’t know what to do with us. Haha. The nurse on duty first asked me, then dh, “Do you have an apppointment?” Like huh? I just had a baby. I need an appointment?! They couldn’t figure out if I should go into the Delivery Suite or not.

In the end, dh just told them, “We’re going to the Delivery Suite.” Once there, they did their usual procedures while I waited for the dr to come and check on me. That was when we found out what a big baby she was!

The dr stepped in after a while and confirmed that I didn’t tear – Praise God! But advised that I should take the injection to help the uterus contract. Now that injection hurt more than the stretching of my cervix to accommodate the baby’s 36cm head!

Why Get Myself Checked In?

And if you are wondering why I chose to go to the hospital instead of staying home? That’s coz I really needed to rest! At the hospital, I was waited on hand and foot. And once I finished nursing the baby, I could just hand her over to the nursery while I got some rest. If I were at home, I wouldn’t have this luxury. Plus dh would have to look after 2 more persons.

So this is the story of my unplanned, planned homebirth. And how marvellous that I had the opportunity and honour to experience full dependence on God for this birth. Praise God indeed!

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* This was an answered prayer. I had prayed from the beginning that the birth be a calm one. Well the birth wasn’t calm but I was, thanks be to God!

** On hindsight, it was God’s hand that allowed a longer than usual interval between the contractions. If it had happened any faster, I would have torn. But because it was so slow, the perinium had the chance to slowly stretch to accommodate the head without tearing. Isn’t God awesome?

*** Dh said that as her lips emerged, Anna started spitting out brownish liquid. I guess that would be the amniotic fluid being flushed out?

**** You may also want to read my ”What Did I Learn“, reflective post.

***** And no, I never get tired of telling this story over and over

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My personal musings are found at Building An Ark In Singapore.

Helpful Website for Pregnant Moms

For those who are totally clueless about the various birth positions one can adopt for labour and birthing, you may wish to check out Transition to Parenthood and click on Pregnancy, Birth and Newborn Care.

It is a fairly basic website that describes the various stages of labour with graphics on the various labour and birth positions. Direct link to the positions is found HERE.

Please note that I have not gone through the entire website, just the labour and birth section. And I think it is helpful to read it since it offers an overview of labour and delivery for many moms who are not even aware that they can birth in any other positions.

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My personal musings can be found at Building An Ark in Singapore.

Birth Plan for Baby #7

For those who have been wondering why one would need a birth plan, my answer is simple – so that both your doctor and you are in agreement about how you, the paying client, wants things done.

Never assume that your doctor knows what you would like or not like during labour and delivery. You may be in for a shock at the delivery suite which does not make for a pleasant birth experience.

Some doctors prefer to operate on a standard operating procedure (SOP). Any alteration to his/her SOP is met with resistance. Worse still I know of doctors who pooh-poohed the patients requests If your doctor is like that, it is better to know now then to wait till you are about to deliver.

Hopefully though, you would have found out about your doctor’s personality and his/her stance on natural birth way before your 3rd trimester. Otherwise, you would have to take the drastic and oftentimes awkward process of changing doctors towards the end of your pregnancy. (Yes, it can be done!)

A Birth Plan allows you to visualise, to think through, how you want to labour and birth. It allows you to discuss with your doctor what he/she will or will not allow. Remember, preparing actively for labour and birth removes the mystery and fear of the whole birthing process. You can then pray through each step specifically which gives you more confidence because you know what to expect.

A Birth Plan is also for the hospital staff who often have their own SOP. There are certain things the midwives will do out of habit. So anything out of the “norm” needs to be authorised by your doctor.

An example is being asked to change into a hospital gown upon admission. But you can request to birth in your own clothes. Since this is not a regular request, the staff may be taken aback but will go along with your request if it has been endorsed and agreed upon between you and your doctor. It really doesn’t matter what you birth in!

There are many samples of birth plans on the internet. Just google “birth plans” and choose the template you like best. Your birth plan can be a few pages long or a simple one-pager.

Personally, my main issue is to be able labour freely and to birth on the ground and on all-fours, if necessary. This means that the staff need to prepare a mattress of sorts on the floor so that the baby is not birthed onto the cold hard floor So those are the main points I concentrate on.

I know my doctor does not perform episiotomies as a routine procedure so I do not list it down. But if your doctor does, you may want to write that down and make sure he/she agrees with you on it! You do not want to be fighting and arguing with the doctor inthe throes of intense contractions.

After the Birth Plan is agreed upon, the doctor needs to affix his signature to it. It will be sent to the Labour and Delivery Suite. Now make sure you have a copy of it in your hospital bag! Sometimes the Delivery Suite loses birth plans!

Also, make sure your dh knows what’s in your Birth Plan. Why? Unless you are very coherent during labour, the midwives may not be able to get anything out of you during the transitional stage. So your dh is the only one they can check with. AND sometimes, the midwives may routinely perform certain procedures without consulting your Birth Plan and your dh needs to be able to stop them then. Of course if you have a doula then your doula needs a copy of your Birth Plan too.

Here is my Birth Plan in case you are interested

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Due Date: 5^th March 2009
Patient of Dr xxxxx
Scheduled to deliver at xxxx

I understand that birth does not always go to a plan, and my priority is the delivery of a healthy baby. Notwithstanding, the following are my preferences :

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LABOR

• I would like to be free to move around during labour.
• I would like to be in my own clothes and not in the hospital gown.

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 MONITORING

• I do not wish to have continuous fetal monitoring unless it is required by the condition of the baby.
• I also do not wish to have a Vaginal Exam.

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 DELIVERY

• I would like to be allowed to choose the position in which I birth – whatever is most comfortable for me and allows baby maximum space to descend through my pelvis. This may include squatting/upright/kneeling/all-fours/etc.

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 IMMEDIATELY AFTER DELIVERY

• I would like to nurse the baby immediately after birth to aid the expulsion of the placenta naturally.
• I would like to have the cord cut AFTER the placenta is birthed.
• If that is not possible, I would prefer that the umbilical cord stop pulsating before it is cut.

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 BREASTFEEDING

• I want to begin nursing IMMEDIATELY after birth.
• I do not wish to have any bottles given to the baby (including glucose water or plain water) at all.

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 VACCINATION

• Only BCG to be given. Consent to be given by my husband or me before being administered.

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Do take note that these are my preferences. A Birth Plan is not cast in stone. A healthy baby and a healthy mother are more important than following a Birth Plan to the T! Remember Proverbs 21:19, “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.”

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For my personal musings, visit Building An Ark in Singapore 

Getting Ready for Baby’s Arrival

Here we go again. As I pass the 36th week of this pregnancy, I am eagerly hoping that the baby won’t be late again! But I am also trying real hard not to hold my breath over it since the last 3 babies came 5 days, 3 days and 6 days past their EDD.

In order to distract myself, I have started to slowly prepare myself and the children for the baby’s arrival. Slowly because I am operating on a very low energy mode here

Starting this week, I will be doing the stuff I wrote about HERE and HERE.

But there are other things I need to do this time round as well.

Homeschooling

This year, we are homeschooling 3 out of the 6 children in the primary level (P1, P3 & P5). So I need to be very diligent in making sure everyone (me included!) finish what I have planned for our homeschoolin the next 3 weeks so that I won’t have a backlog of stuff staring at me after I birth.

We won’t be doing any formal school in March and April. But I am planning to do more read-alouds(History & Science specifically) with them. That is, if I am not dozing off in the middle of the day! I am not being ambitious here. If I can do just one hour of reading a day (probably split up into many instalments!) I would be happy.

Why am I doing this? I have learnt from past experience that too much free and play time gets everyone into trouble!

Home Management

I just started a final round of de-cluttering (very little left- whew!) of the entire house, room-by-room, 2 weeks ago. This serves 2 purposes – it removes all the eyesores (piles of papers on my table, stacks of toys all over the house, etc) and it will help the children when they do their chores.

Meanwhile, baby clothes, linens, cloth diapers, nursing clothes, mama pads, nursing pads all need to be pulled out of their storage vacuum bags to be washed and packed into their designated spots.

Confinement

I have also finalised my menu plan and my grocery list. It is just a simple 2 week menu plan that will be rotated from now until I feel bored or have more energy to think. For the immediate post partum period where we’ll be too busy to think about grocery shopping, I have already frozen food for Week 1 and will be freezing Week 2’s meal this week.

I am not freezing cooked food as I think most cooked Chinese food don’t freeze well. Instead I have just frozen the portion required for each meal and packed them into freezer boxes with their marinades. I will then pull the relevant boxes out to thaw and cook on the actual day itself. And since I do not follow any traditional confinement food taboos, this makes life easier on me

Pregnancy

As I approach the tail end of the pregnancy, these are the things I have done to prepare for labour and delivery.

Drinking my Pregnancy Tea

SinceI hit the 3rd trimester, I have been diligently drinking my Red Raspberry and Nettle tea.

Taking my vitamin supplements

I have also increased my intake of Vitamin C and started taking garlic and acidophilus to boost my immune system and to prevent an onset of Group B Strep especially since I am not going to be tested.

Taking it slow

Yes, despite all the things I need and want to get done before baby’s grand entrance, I am forcing myself to take it slow. Kinda contradictory huh?

What I have done is to spread out all the stuff that need to be done slowly over the course of the next 3 to 4 weeks. The important things that must be accomplished before the baby arrives have been scheduled for the next 2 weeks. The rest can be left undone if the baby should decide to come earlier.

Birth Plan

I have also submitted my birth plan* to my doctor so that we are in agreement about how I want the labour and delivery to go.

 

I generally have an extra burst of energy towards the end of each pregnancy (like now ) that allows me to finish up tying all the loose ends but surprisingly, this time round, my energy level is really low and I have to literally force myself to get these basic things done

I hope this post gives other moms-to-be some ideas on how they would like to prepare themselves for the labour and delivery. And if you feel like scrubbing the walls or ironing everything in sight, good for you!

* I’ll be posting my Birth Plan in the next few days. Keep a lookout for it!

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For my personal musings, visit Building An Ark in Singapore

My Birth Stories

In order to make it easier for you to find my Birth Stories, I thought I should put them all in one post. I hope you’ll be blessed as you read and give glory to God, through Jesus His Son. Happy reading!

• Birth Story #1
• Birth Story #2
• Birth Story #3
• Birth Story #4
• Birth Story #5
• Birth Story #6

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For my personal musings, visit Building An Ark in Singapore.

Pre-Natal Depression

While post-natal depression is more commonly heard of and dealt with, apparently pre-natal depression occurs at a higher rate! Just google “pre-natal depression” and you’ll see many articles attesting to this.

What exactly is pre-natal depression anyway? And how or what does one do about it?

I am no doctor and so I cannot and will not give any medical diagnosis. But I can share from my personal experience that it is a general feeling of being depressed and overwhelmed by the situation at hand.

On one hand, one is happy that one has been blessed with a child and yet on the other hand, one feels totally overwhelmed and unable to cope with what’s required. It is definitely not a happy place to be at.

I only started to feel this way from the fourth pregnancy. But I understand that some women feel overwhelmed even from their first pregnancy. My first few pregnancies were mostly smooth and uneventful. However, as our family size increased, feelings of being overwhelmed and exhausted seem to colour each subsequent pregnancy. By then, we had also started adding homeschooling to the mix of things I had to juggle.

One of most obvious symptoms for me was that I tend to burst into tears easily, which is totally out of character for me. And when I sat down and analysed my feelings and thoughts, I found that these were the things that generally got me down :

• there were more young children to deal with. Since we were blessed with a new addition every 1.5yrs, it meant that when I was pregnant with our fourth, I had 3 children, aged 6 months, 2 yrs and 4 yrs to handle. It was just physically exhausting. And nursing during a pregnancy has never been my favourite thing to do.
• there was more mess to deal with.
• there was more disciplining to dish out.
• there was more training to do.

In other words, there was more of everything to do! But there still remained only one of me and one of dh. And in the recent years, as God has blessed our ministry, there has been more ministry demands on dh which means that I have to shoulder more on the family front, especially when he had ministry trips or retreats overseas.

So how?

These are the principles that have helped me each time I feel overwhelmed. However, it doesn’t always work for me because I don’t always do what is right but what I feel like doing  If I follow through with them, though I may not eliminate all my negative feelings, I do end up with more good days than bad ones 

Perhaps the same principles may help you if you are feeling overwhelmed now, pregnant or not They are not in any order of importance except for #1.

1. PRAY and REST in Him

I strongly believe that God’s timing is always perfect. He knows what I already have to deal with and how weak I am. When I find that I cannot handle it, I must turn to Him. He will help me. He is my helper. The more I try to handle it on my own pathetic strength, the more it all falls apart.

Let’s face it, there are never enough hours in a day. I am never going to be able to do everything all by myself, on my own strength, no matter how organised I am. So I force myself to relax and to rest in Him.

Let me confess that this piece of advice is totally tough to follow because I am so used to being in-charge, in control. But I have  to let go. The more I try to hang on and push things through the more of a failure I feel since I just can’t get it done.

Much better to let go and just rest in Him. Besides, there have been many times I have been able to re-think how we do things in a more efficient way when I am forced to let go of the control freak in me

2. Simplify

On really bad, bad days when I feel exhausted and naseous, everything gets pared down to the minimum. To what has been termed “survival basics” Meaning, as long as the children are safe, clothed and fed (notice how I did not say what they are fed!), anything goes. Really.

Here are the areas I try to simplify :

a) household chores : first I try very hard not to be obsessive-compulsive about cleanliness Then I delegate the chores to the children (see point #3 below). I am quite certain that by the time this baby arrives, the house could run by itself pretty well if I manage to drill the children on their individual responsibilities consistently.

b) routines : I used to be very structured. But I have learnt to let go. Everyone is more relaxed this way. We go with the flow and not according to the clock, except for nap/bed times and mealtimes. Other than that, as long as the work portioned out is completed, it doesn’t matter when it is done. Or even how it is done!

c) homeschool : this is one big area that I was forced to simplify after the arrival of blessing #6. Once the grand plan of the year, for each child, is done using one of Donna Young’s forms, I print out individual lesson plans for each child to put into their own folders.

(I will be sharing how we plan our school in another post.)

Each child (aged 5 and above) is then responsible for getting the work listed done. I am then responsible to check that they did do what they claimed they did Do note that this didn’t happen overnight. It has taken months of training to get us to where we are today. And some children are more responsible than others

 

At the moment, our pared down school only has Bible, English (Language Arts), Maths, Science and Chinese. Field trips and arts and crafts are done during our week long break IF daddy is around to help out. If not, the kids just veg out and play with whatever is in the house during their break.

3. Delegate

Yes, no matter how young a child is, he can be taught to be a help and not a nuisance in the family. The least that is required of any child is that he/she is not to make unnecessary messes. Toys/games are to be put away after playtime by the child. Even a 15mth old toddler can do that.

All our children have been taught to help around the house, be it as simple as bringing me the diaper for the baby to the washing of the dishes or even mopping the house. Yes, they often do not perform to the standard I like but hey! it is better to have household chores done than not at all!

 

The more children I have, the more I realise that I need teamwork to make this home run smoothly. In the meantime, the children learn valuable life skills for free! No need to pay someone to teach them how to fold clothes or clean up the house.

Besides, the more work the children are engaged in, the less time they have for picking on each other or creating unnecessary messes for mom to clean up.

I am always thinking of ways for the children to help out around the house. Here are some of the things they do : vacuum the house, pack up their toys and belongings, do the laundry, set up and clear up the table before and after mealtimes, and their own personal cleanliness.

The only thing I have not succeeded in training them is to cook! Once that is taught, I should be home free. Older and wiser MOMYS have taught me that I need to work myself out of a job. The children should learn how to run a home as early as they can. And that is most certainly my goal!

4. Discipline the children

The children are a blessing to me and to those around them when they have been properly disciplined. The more children one has, the more one needs to be firm in disciplining them. One child running amok is bad, 5 children running amok is truly insane! Lol!

And as I have said before, whatever discipline issues a child has, it needs to be dealt with before the baby arrives. So no matter how tired I am, I do force myself to deal with the discipline issue, to nip it in the bud before it escalates into a big problem.

5. De-Clutter

Clutter and being disorganised zaps me of my energy. Looking at a messy room makes me feel more overwhelmed and depressed. So I take advantage of a pregnant mama’s nesting instincts and clear out the house with a brutal, no-nonsense approach. This helps me in two ways -

1. I am getting something done and
2. the house is getting tidier and a more pleasant place to be in.

The less clutter there is in the home, the easier it is to maintain order and cleanliness.

One more thing…

Towards the end of each pregnancy, I crave to be alone. It is as if I need to re-group and prepare for D-Day. But it is a near impossible feat with a houseful of young children who need mom.

So I steal time out throughout the whole day to do my own thing! I make all the children rest in the afternoon. That gives me at least an hour of peace and quiet to do what I want.

Bedtime is staggered from 8:30pm to 10pm and once that happens, it’s ME time! I try not to do any more “work” such as household chores or even school prep. But just have time to chill and write or read, and of course spend time with dh, if he does not have any ministry commitments.

But as I wrote before, sometimes, I could be doing all I shared above and yet I could still feel overwhelmed. Then it is truly an act of will not to wallow in the misery I feel. Because, really, what good does it do except to make me feel even more miserable?

And I would like to add that if it is a health issue that is making you feel depressed (anemia/thyroidism/hormonal imbalance/poor nutrition/lack of exercise/pain), please seek medical advice. Don’t just moan and groan about it. And certainly, do not blame the baby.

And lastly, once in a while, a pep talk to yourself helps!

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For my personal musings, visit Building An Ark In Singapore

Experiencing God in Pregnancy

Since 2003, after the birth of our 4th blessing, my husband, Henson, and I have been conducting a Christian ante-natal talk, Experiencing God in Pregnancy. We do not focus on the medical issues as per the usual ante-natal classes offered by the hospitals or the clinics. But rather, we focus on the Christian perspective of going through a pregnancy, labour, delivery and being parents with practical tips thrown in as well.

However, as the family has grown we would most likely not be giving these talks anytime in the near future. So if you are thinking of starting a family or are expecting now and want a different perspective on pregnancy and birthing, do come and join us on 8 November 2008 (Saturday).

And just this year, two ladies who attended our talks have had their own supernatural childbirth. Check out their stories here and here.

We will cover the following topics during the talk :

• knowing your position in Christ,
• our Birth Stories (all 6 of them!),
• the Chrisitian’s antenatal response,
• preparing to be parents and
• Q & A

So do come and join us on :

Date : 8 November 2008 (Saturday)
Venue : Wesley Methodist Church
Time : 2:30 – 6:00 pm
Cost : $2.00 (Light refreshments will be provided)

If you are interested in attending, please contact Evangeline Leong at 68378610. Do pass this on to your friends who may be interested. But please note that this is not a medical talk.

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For my personal musings, visit Building An Ark in Singapore

What About Resting?!

(Second part of Confinement without the Confinement Lady)

So how is one to rest during confinement if one has to look after the baby and the housework and the planning and cooking of meals?

1. Make resting your top priority

When I did my confinement without outside help, I would make REST a priority, especially in the first two weeks. That means that whenever I had a free slot, I would go and lie down. I may or may not nap but I would deliberately go and lie down.

I have learnt that sitting down is not the same as lying down to my body. I learnt this when I had bleeding in my second and third pregnancies. Prior to that, I always thought that sitting down is resting. But I would bleed even though I was not doing any heavy work but just sitting down and surfing the net. But if I lay down even for just 10 to 15 minutes, the bleeding would lessen. Ever since then, I have always made it a point to lie down to rest.

Most times I had to fight the urge to rush and do some cleaning or tidying up of the house. I just forced myself to lie down and rest!

2. Schedule a quiet rest period for everyone in the afternoon

This has been and still is a lifesaver in our house. Starting from 2pm, I start putting the children to nap/rest. The older ones obviously do not nap. But they are required to rest and be quiet. Their rest period is over at 3:30pm. I stagger everyone’s nap/rest time so that the older ones need not rest too long. This also allows the younger ones to nap before the older ones go into the room.

I then try to time the baby’s nap in the same slot. This way, I am usually able to nap for at least 30 minutes in the afternoon. It is a much needed nap due to the interrupted sleep at night.

It also helps that the children all go to rest/nap independently.

3. Teach the children to play independently

On desperately sleepy/tired days, I have been known to tell the children to play by themselves and crash out on the sofa! Those are the times I am so grateful that they are all taught from young to play independently and not to thrash the house when left alone.

This I did even with the first born child. I have to add this in as some people have commented that I am able to do this because I have the older children to watch the younger ones. Yes, now I have the older ones to watch the younger ones but not when I had only 1 child (2 years old) and 1 baby!

Teaching them to play independently should start once you are pregnant to get the children used to it. This way, even before the baby arrives, you are able to rest when you really need it without calling for help.

And of course when dh is home, he takes over so that I can nap as long as I need to.

 

Getting rest when having confinement without the confinement lady is possible even if this is your 2nd or 3rd birth. Commit it to the Lord and do the practical prepaprations.

Enjoy your baby!

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Check out My Blog at www.HomeschoolBlogger.com/MamaLim for more of my writings and musings.

Confinement without the Confinement Lady

There was an interesting discussion on an email list I am on which had one poster asking if it were possible to do confinement* without any help. In other words, have confinement without a confinement lady* or maid or relative helping out.

Well, I am one of the few women who survived confinement without a maid or a confinement lady. And if I have to do it all over again, I would still choose to do it the same way!

Why? The main reason being that I like doing things MY way! And I like my privacy. To have someone – relative or not – staying in my house would be a terrible intrusion into my privacy. I won’t be able to rest when I wanted to.

The main point of confinement* is for the new mother to rest and recuperate from the labour and birth of the baby. Depending on the type of labour and birth one had, some women may need a lot more rest than others. (eg. someone who had a c-section will definitely need more rest than another who had a short and easy labour). As another poster said, confinement is not the time you try to prove to others that you are a supermom.

And for me, confinement is also for the baby. I prefer to keep the newborn away from crowds and people for as long as possible. I do not encourage visitors especially in the first 2 weeks after the birth. And even then, no visitors in the evenings when I know I will be physically exhausted.

So how did I survive it all six times?

Firstly, I must say upfront that I do not follow any of the confinement practices* that  most Chinese women believe in. I showered and washed my hair everyday. In fact, I would shower and wash my hair the day after I birthed in the hospital. I also bathed the baby myself. I also do not follow any special confinement diet. So with all that out of the way, I had more freedom to do things that many other women were constrained by.

For me, there were 2 main areas I would like help with post partum - food and housework. 

Food
The thought of having to plan and cook meals with a newborn baby was not something I look forward to. So we planned to order tingkat meals**. However, we were blessed when my mom and mother-in-law offered to help out with the food area. They became our tingkat service! My mother-in-law would drop off lunch and dinner at lunch time and I would re-heat the food when meal times rolled around. Mom was more concerned that my food be freshly cooked so she would drop by and cook and then leave 2x a day!

Housework
I engaged a part time helper to come in once a week after the births of #1, #2, #3 and #6. That allowed me to rest a bit more. But it was still doable without a part time helper. Just that standards of cleanliness and neatness have to be adjusted – downwards!

What about the daily stuff that needs to be done? Knowing that I did not have any extra help (besides dh when he’s home from work and the little ones) these were the things I did.

Pray, pray, pray

Yes, pray. I prayed that the labour and birth process will be smooth, quick and easy. How I felt post partum depended very much on the birth process. If it were traumatic and tiring, I know I’ll have a much tougher time ahead. So I would commit that to the Lord first.

And I prayed for His help in the days to come. Be it physical or emotional help that He would send when I needed it. He has never failed me each and everytime!

Plan, plan, plan

a) Housekeeping
At the 9th month of the pregnancy, I start de-cluttering and packing the house. There will be no time for such activities once the baby arrives. Whatever that needs to be thrown away/put away/donated are sorted out. This makes housekeeping much easier – whether I took on a part time helper or not.

b) Food
A simple menu with its corresponding grocery list is made out so that I need not be racking my brains to figure out what to cook in the last minute or worse – order in every meal! This would be used in the months after the official confinement period was over.

c) Homeschool
We take off for at least the 1st 3 months after baby’s arrival. Before that, I would go to Popular or Christainbook.com and look for activity books/story books/puzzles that can keep the younger ones occupied and not attack each other out of boredom! 

d) Care of the baby and older children
Since I did not believe or follow the confinement practice of not touching water, I was able to care totally for the baby myself. I would bathe the baby and change the baby’s diapers and nurse the baby by myself.

If dh was able to, he would bathe the older ones in the evenings when he came back from work. If he couldn’t due to work or ministry commitments, I would do it.

e) Night feedings
Since I breastfed all of them exclusively (no bottles of expressed breastmilk or formula), I had to do the night feedings. When the baby cried, I would get up and nurse the baby (our babies tend to regurgitate a lot and therefore had to be nursed in a cradle hold), burp them and then put the baby back in his/her cot. If another child woke up in the middle of the night, it would be dh’s duty to tend to that child. It’s called division of labour. Lol!

For babies #1 to #5, dh was hardly around except at night. So I was on my own mostly. With baby #6, I was blessed that he could take almost the whole month off post partum to help out. It did make things easier as I could nap when the baby napped – a luxury that I enjoyed only after baby #1.

In order to make this work, there are two main things that help greatly – my own mindset : that I can do it and training the older child/ren to be helpers.

Was it stressful? Yes, at times. Although I have pared down everything to the bare minimum there were still occasions when I am needed in two or three different places at the same time. Eg. when a toddler has an “accident” while I was nursing the baby or worse, trying to put the baby to bed!

But like I said, if I have to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing. It was nice to be able to be in control of my own home and do things my way. Another bonus was that the older children did not have to adjust to another person’s presence in the house. 

I hope this encourages those of you who are contemplating not engaging a confinement lady to help out. Sometimes, a confinement lady* can be more of a hindrance than a help, especially if you want to succeed in breastfeeding. Many are often ignorant and not supportive of breastfeeding. So if you do choose to employ a confinement lady*, do choose wisely and if she should not work out, do not hesistate to to terminate her services for your peace of mind.

The confinement period is for the new mom to rest and bond with the baby. Anything that causes stress to the mom needs to be eliminated. If you feel the need to have an extra pair of hands, then do seek out the extra help. But if the help creates more stress and work for you, then it is better to do without the “help”.

If you want to know how to be able rest without a Confinement Lady’s or maid’s help, see What About Resting?!

 * Confinement refers to the 30-day period post partum for the Chinese, 44 days for the Malays and 40 days for the Indians. Common confinement practices include not showering or washing of hair unless it is with the use of some special herbs. The new mom is also encouraged not to touch water at all. There is a special diet for the new mom as well. What this diet is is dependent on whether one is Chinese, Indian or Malay. A confinement lady is employed to mother the new mom and baby. She is responsible for cooking the special confinement diet and looks after the baby so that the mom can rest and not need to touch any water.

**Tingkat service allows one to order cooked lunches and/or dinners which are delivered a few hours before meal times. It is delivered Mondays to Fridays. Confinement tingkat service serves up special confinement menu to the post partum mother daily for a maximum of 30 days.

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Check out My Blog at www.HomeschoolBlogger.com/MamaLim for more of my writings and musings.

Birth Story #6

*** For my 6 other birth stories, go to My Birth Stories ***

 

As we prepare to give yet another talk on Experiencing God In Pregnancy this Saturday 29th March 2008, I realised that I had not posted our 6th birth on the website. I’d only blogged about it shortly after the baby’s birth.

So here it is to encourage those who are about to birth or perhaps is afraid to birth. And this is the verse that the Lord impressed upon me as I waited to birth the baby :

Hebrews 13:5 – 6.

For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
So we may boldly say : “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?”

Birth #6 was an extremely exciting one, one that is given as a testimony to the faithfulness & awesome-ness of God the Father, through Jesus His Son. All glory to Him!

Baby #6 joined the family 6 days past EDD, weighs 3.34kg and is 50cm long.

4pm – I have had so many false alarms since Week 38 that I have lost count of them. So when contractions started at 4pm, 6 days past EDD, I just ignored it. Even though they were 10min apart. But the intensity was rather strong so I thought – well this could be it! So I got dinner ready and started preparing to bake Banana Bread for the next day’s breakfast.

6pm – As I was eating dinner, the contractions were strong enough to cause me to perspire. Hmm…this probably is IT! So I sms-ed my dad and told him to eat his dinner and prepare to come over. I finished up my dinner, went upstairs to pack all the last minute stuff – toothbrushes, comb…and showered. The longer I stood showering, the stronger and closer the contractions got. I got out of the shower & sms-ed my dad to start driving over.

About 7pm – I told dh that we should start bathing the younger children so that we could put them to bed earlier. I lay down at the couch to rest while he bathed them. The contractions continued at 10min apart but lasted longer & were definitely stronger.

8pm – My parents sms-ed me that they will wait downstairs till I was ready to leave. They can’t come upstairs to wait or the children will get too hyped up to go to bed.

8:20pm – Got the children upstairs to pray and ready for bed. Contractions now 7min apart.

9pm : Started to sms friends to start praying for me!

9:30pm – asked my parents to come up and wait. Dh opened up the sofa bed in case it is a long wait ahead – ha! Contractions now 5min apart, lasting 1.5min. Prayed for a sign to leave.

10pm – Laid on sofa bed. I’d always preferred to labour lying down sideways and usually fall asleep between the contractions. Contractions now lasting almost 2min long but still 5min apart.

Should I leave or not?

Contractions then moved to 3min apart. Just as I decided that we should leave, the contractions went back to 5min apart!

Then I felt the urge to push. Hmm….leave now? Then nothing. So I continued to wait. Another urge to push. Time to go, I told dh. I made my way to the toilet to relieve myself and discovered that a huge amount of mucous plug had been discharged! Oops! I may have waited a bit too long!

10:25pm Made way very slowly to the lift and car. Told dh that he needed to push back the middle row seats for me. The moment I climbed in, I felt the need to PUSH! I got onto all fours immediately (with 1 leg on the floor to stabilise myself).

Throughout the car ride, I felt the urge to push several times and then suddenly, pop!

“My bag has burst! Pass me the towel!” I told dh.

Thankfully the towel was packed right on top. Dh could continue to drive with one hand and toss the towel to me with the other.

At that moment though, I thought that the baby was about to be birthed there and then. Dh kept telling me that we were about to reach the hospital. But what I really wanted was for dh to stop the car somewhere for me to birth the baby!

When we reached Mt Alvernia, I thought dh rushed out to get someone to help me out. But he told me later that he just grabbed the nearest wheelchair he saw and with that, a male nurse came with him. But …. The baby is pushing out of me and they want me to sit on the wheelchair? How?!

The silly male nurse then told dh to go & park the car – like that is the most important thing to do at that point in time?! But he suddenly changed his mind and told dh “You better come with me!”

In between contractions, I managed to sit on the chair for them to wheel me into the lobby area. But because the urge to push was so strong, I pushed myself off the chair to try to labour on firm ground vs a shaky wheelchair.

But the same male nurse actually hauled me up back onto the wheelchair! So I shouted “The baby is coming out!” But of course no one believed me. He told me, “No, no, cannot!” Excuse me?! And tried to wheel me into the delivery suite.

One of the more alert nurses at the lobby must have decided that I was telling the truth as she quickly directed the wheelchair into the nearest examination room of the 24hr clinic of the hospital where I could see the baby’s head crowning as we passed the doorway.

And with everyone standing around and not knowing what to do, the baby’s head emerged. This comes the surreal part.

No one knew what to do.

Everyone stood standing and staring! I told dh, “Go and hold the baby’s head!” But before he could react, I saw the 24hr clinic doctor stepping forward and felt the the baby’s shoulders pushing through at the same time. The dr caught the baby and I heard her cry loudly!

Stunned silence.

The doctor continued to hold on to the crying baby. I had to say three times, “Give me the baby!” before he reacted. Then like in a slow-motion movie, everyone reacted. All talking at the same time.

And all they know what to do then was to keep saying “Cut the cord, cut the cord!” Dh had the presence of mind to remind them to wait for the cord to stop pulsing first! Meanwhile, baby was crying on & off while I held on to her. I tried to nurse her but she was too busy crying!

I asked dh to take pictures to document this interesting birth but realised that the camera & video were all still in the car! So he had to run out to get it. Then he got one of the nurses to take photos of him cutting the umbilical cord.

After birthing in that awkward position (sitting on my tailbone!) I tried to move into a more comfortable position. But guess what? They wouldn’t let me! They insisted that I had to sit that way while they wheeled me to the Delivery Suite to birth the placenta and clean up!

I was then wheeled to the Delivery Suite. I looked back & saw the mess I left behind. A huge puddle of mess! We then had to wait for more than an hour for the stand-in doctor to check me! My own doctor was on holiday in Bali!

Meanwhile baby was nursing happily and helping my uterus to contract. When the doctor finally came, he helped to birth the placenta and checked my perinium. He then pronounced that I did not have any tears!!! There would be no need for any stitches!

That was totally miraculous to me considering the awkward position I had birthed in and the speed with which baby was birthed! Praise God!

Reflections : I stand in awe of the obvious hand of God on this whole birth process.

On 6th June, dh & I got together to pray that :

• Baby will be born by 7th June
• Labour will be quick
• No tearing, no episiotomy
• Little disruption to household routine

Many people had asked if they should pray for baby to come only when my doctor is back in town and I have always told them that it didn’t matter. I was given Hebrews 13:5 and I rested in the assurance that The Lord is my Helper. I will not fear.

And truly – The Lord helped to birth this baby!

So for all moms-to-be, may you be encouraged as you prepare to birth. A painless, easy, quick birth IS possible – with God’s help.

For Things I Learnt From This Birth, click HERE.

More Birth Stories can be found under the Pregnancy and Labour Category on the right.