Many times as a parent of ONE child, we worry about adding another child to the family. How are we ever going to cope???

And many times people will offer helpful advice such as “get a maid” and/or “send the toddler to childcare/pre-school”. Sometimes, such advice is appropriate – depending on the person’s circumstance.

But I would like to offer alternative advice to what’s usually suggested

1. Part-time helpers

If you have been reading my blogs, you will know that while we have not had a live-in helper, we have had part-time helpers on and off. They can be such life savers, especially when the children are very young.

We had a few come in when we had 3 children, 5 and below. The helper came in once a week and did the dusting, vacuuming, mopping, washing of toilets, ironing, etc. It was so helpful! And it was also very helpful that we lived in a small 2 bedroom apartment. I never did any major housecleaning in between the helper’s visits! Just the daily washing up and picking up.

2. Tingkat Delivery*

We also had tingkat delivery for a season so that I did not have to worry about meals especially in the early days after baby is born. All I had to do was heat up the food and eat!

3. Simple Meals

After that, I would cook really simple meals. I still cook simple meals – One dish meals and quick stir fries. Or in worse case scenario, get dh to buy back food if he was able to come home early.

4. Empower the toddler

Yes, empower the toddler. Teach him to be independent. Eat, dress, sleep by himself. Do this before the baby’s arrival. And especially important, teach him to play independently. See Teach Your Children to Play on their Own for more details.

All these are important because there will be times you won’t be able to tend to him. If he can eat by himself then you can nurse the baby while he eats and no one needs to wait for the other. Of course you can nurse and feed the toddler – boy do I know it can be done! But seriously this gets tiring after a while. Trust me, you don’t want it to become a habit.

And for those times when you need to put baby to sleep, you don’t want your toddler bawling away or screaming that he needs you to play lego with him. But if he is used to playing independently, then you can leave him be and put the baby to bed.

5. Teach Baby and Toddler to Sleep on Their Own

This to me has been a lifesaver. The toddler was taught to sleep on his own. When it is nap/sleep time, I just needed to say, “Time to sleep” and off he would go and sleep. Sure, he would protest at times but generally he would obey since he has been taught to obey. Same with the baby. I did not have to spend hours carrying or nursing the baby to sleep. If you can’t teach the baby to sleep on her own, then at least work on getting the toddler to go to bed on his own.

If all else fails, then try to time their naps together. This way, at least you get to nap too!

* Do note that I am however nursing #7 to sleep still!

6. Teach the toddler the meaning of “wait”

Tell him that not everything will be done just because he wants them to be done. He needs to learn to wait and if he can’t wait then he has to learn to do it himself.

7. Talk to your toddler

He understands more than you think. Unless your toddler and baby combo is 12 or 15mths apart – like our pseudo twins - the older one should be able to comprehend many things. Whether he accepts it or not is a different matter

Talk to him, explain that the baby needs more help than he does so he has to be more patient and more loving.

8. Your attitude

I can’t say this enough. If you have a can-do attitude, then many things can be done. But if you have already given up in your mind, then everything will be bleak. Decide if you want this to work or not. If you do, then do what needs to be done to make it work. But if you feel that it is going to be too difficult for you and it may push you towards post partum depression, then get help!

The early days are tough. Let no one fool you about that! No matter what the age gap, it is always an adjustment when you add a member to the family. But when you see them playing and smiling with each other, you will know that your struggles are worth it!

As we count our blessings one-by-one we can see the Hand of God in our lives.

Why don’t you start your list now as we head towards the end of 2011?

This is a lifesaver for me and I feel even more strongly about it after we were blessed with our 7th child. You see, our 7th blessing does not go to bed on her own. She needs to nurse to sleep and sometimes requires to be attached to me the whole night to sleep

The other 6 were taught to sleep on their own as early as 3months old. Yes, the teaching period may be unpleasant but it is very short and the pay-offs is tremendous. (Disclaimer : please do not write or comment about how cruel or selfish this is because I just won’t respond )

With the other children, the moment nap and bed times rolled around, I just need to tell them that it is time to sleep and they would lay down on their cots/beds and just go to sleep peacefully and cheerfully almost always. I do not have to lie down with them for hours and be unable to do the necessary things I need to do. I do not have to stay up late to finish up my work just because the baby/toddler doesn’t want to unlatch and stay asleep.

As I said – because I had 6 who slept by themselves it is even more glaring now that teaching a child to sleep on his own and be able to put himself to bed if he should rouse himself in the middle of the night is very important. Both for the mother as well as the child.

You can read more at Sleep Training Part 1 and Sleep Training Part 2.

Of course we do go out but we probably go out much less often than the average family. Neither my children nor I clamour to get out of the house. The boys do itch to be released to run around and let off their energy but that’s a different post

I hear of ladies who say they can’t stay home all days or they’ll go crazy. They need to go out every day. And because they are often out, their children also develop an appetite of needing to be out daily. Isn’t that sad? Because when one keeps going out, there are things in the house that do not get done. And unless you get hired help, the house will get more and more chaotic leading one to prefer being out of the house. And so the vicious cycle goes on.

Please, I am not saying don’t go out and instead be a hermit But I am asking “Why is there a need to keep on looking at the outside for gratification or satisfaction?” Is it time to ask yourself WHY you need to go out.

Is it because the home is a mess? If so, perhaps it is time to make the home look inviting. Or perhaps home reminds you of the responsibilities you have to fulfil and going out provides a form of escapism? Just as watching the TV or surfing the internet can be a form of escapism.

When I was growing up I seldom went out except to school, ballet and swimming lessons, and grandma’s house. And I was happy to be holed up in my room with a good book. I found window shopping a good distraction after working hours but much preferred to go home. And for that I thank my mom who also stayed home mostly and cultivated in me a love for staying home and not craving for the next new thing.

We need to be careful of the appetites we are cultivating in our children.

Have a basic system – everything in its place and a place for everything. This is very helpful for children learning to help around the house. They know where things go and how chores are to be done.

And have in place routines. As mentioned many times before, routines are not carved in stone but they provide guideposts for everyone so that things can flow smoothly, reducing the stress level for mom.

You can read about our Schedules and Routines.

But we need to remember that the only person’s expectations we need to live up to is God’s. Not man’s. For if we keep on looking for Man’s approval, we might just kill ourselves to get it

Take our homeschooling journey for example. There were people who expected us not to do well since we were homeschoolers. But what is “well”? Isn’t it all very subjective? We obeyed God’s call, set our target and when we met it, we praise God wholeheartedly.

Then there is housekeeping. People with 2 children and a live-in maid expect their homes to look a certain way and often wonder how we can live without a maid or not mop our floors everyday These people also tend to allocate one room to a child and are a little horrified to learn that we squeeze 4  and soon 5, to a room. 

As a pastor’s wife, I know people expect me to behave a certain way. Same goes for our children. We are are expected not to speak out of turn, lose our tempers or have an “off-day”.

Then there is the large family expectations. From the comments I get, I think most people expect parents of large families to be rich but to look old, haggard and fat

I hate to be pigeon-holed. And I hate having to meet man-made expectations. Which are often frivolous and changeable. I am human and so are my children. We make mistakes, raise our voices and heaven forbid, sometimes write rude blog posts too! Lol!

But seriously, I write this to encourage ourselves not to bow down to man’s expectations. And if God has called you to do something, obey and don’t worry about man’s expectations! Yes, I know it isn’t easy. I have been there, done that – many times But truly obedience is better than sacrifice. (1 Samuel 15:22).

I leave you with what God spoke to me years ago when I was struggling with Him on the homeschooling issue and it has given me much strength and comfort when the going gets tough and I feel lonely walking the unfamiliar path :

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

 Joshua 1:9

The less things you have to dust and pack away, the faster you can clean up the house. Make this a regular exercise and you won’t be facing a mounds of junk and clutter till you feel that you can’t breathe

This is especially critical before birthdays and Christmas If you don’t have space to keep the toys it is time to purge.

Check out Time to Declutter Again and De-cluttering the Playroom.

The moment you get pregnant, you are forced to slow down, unless you are one of the rare few who have an easy pregnancy. And that’s the start of a new phase of life where you learn to really consider another person’s needs before your own.

You are forced to slow down.

If you are a nursing mom, the need to sit/lie down and nurse a few times a day slows you down BUT it also gives you plenty of breaks

If you are a homeschooling mom, the need to explain a new concept to a child slows you down. Until the child “gets it” you can’t just assign the work and send him off. As you slow down and explain, the process allows you to learn more about your child – all his quirks and yours as well.

If you have no outside help with chores, you are forced to slow down to teach your children to help out. But in the long run it pays off because many hands make light work!

What’s my point? Well, babies and small people slow us down. We can choose to look at them with disdain and disgust and blame them for slowing us down OR we can choose to accept this season of our lives and work around this so-called “limitation” and in the process learn to enjoy them and our own lives more.

So which will it be for you?

I have written about this before in Menu Planning and How to Menu Plan

Menu planning really keeps you more organised and on top of your meals. Try it. You won’t regret it. Yes, it takes time but it is worth it.

And if you need help and don’t mind paying for it, you can try places like Menu Planning Central for help.

* I am an affiliate for Menu Planning Central.

We are always looking for some big thing to serve in but the ordinary service we render to our families is often overlooked as a ministry in itself. How are we serving our husbands, our children? How are we witnessing to them so that they know Jesus? Are we discipling them so that they are changed more and more into the likeness of our Lord? How can we be a witness to the world when our family is falling apart, our children running amok and our relationship with our husbands strained?

You see, serving our families actually requires MORE dying to self and MORE taking up our crosses daily. And because they see us with all our faults it is even easier to tell them no one is perfect or righteous and that we all need a Saviour.

However, doing this day in and day out with no word of thanks and a society’s sneer is not easy. But if we would only do it cheerfully and diligently as unto the Lord, we will be slowly but surely changed into the image of Jesus Christ, our Lord who gave up his position as God to come and die for us.

Everyone loves to be in ministry when being in ministry usually means being out of the house, sans children, preferably. And it also usually means we get a lot more gratitude for our service than changing the 3rd diaper in an hour or cleaning up the mess that the little one has created before you’ve had your cup of coffee.

When will we start looking at serving our family as a ministry unto the Lord? And when the Lord calls upon you to serve in this ministry will you answer His call?