But by the grace of God I am what I am 1 Cor 15:10

So what’s my story?

Was I “born” a Christian? Did I “convert” because I married a Christian man? The answers to both questions is “no”.

Being a Christian is something I thought I’d never be. Especially when told by a stranger that I was destined to hell when I was a child. Proud and stubborn me did not take to that kindly. So be it then, was my first thought. Life was generally good. I had no need for God. Besides my dad had always taught us to be self-sufficient. Not to depend on others, much less God.

The turning point came after a marriage proposal from my then-boyfriend, Henson, that God revealed Himself. Henson said he wanted a Church wedding. But the problem was that we needed to be members of a Church before any Church would let us marry in it! To cut a very long story short, we went Church shopping and decided on Wesley Methodist Church as Henson’s home church was undergoing renovation on the date we wanted to get married on. And then he found out that he wasn’t really a member but just a friend of the Church!

So instead of simply just transferring his membership from his home church to Wesley MC, both of us ended up having to attend Wesley’s membership course. In my mind, I would just sit through the class and go through the motions just to gain membership into the Church to get married. Terrible, eh? But thankfully, God had other plans for me.

Somewhere between the 4th and 5th class, God touched me. No, there was no lightning and thunder ala Paul’s road to Damascus. But a very firm conviction that this IS the TRUTH. I don’t remember the exact point but I believe it was during one of Dr Aw Swee Eng’s Creation lectures. It just made sense. And when TRUTH stares at you in the face, you would have to just accept it. To deny it is foolish.

So I was baptised in November 1997. That membership class opened both our eyes in so many ways. You could say that was the turning point in our lives My husband is now a pastor of Covenant Christian Church. God has done many things with and through us since then.

And this is the story of how I, who was a lost and wretched sinner, became reconciled to God through Jesus Christ. Without fail, everytime I think back to those early days, I always, always marvel that God would in His infinite grace and mercy call and draw me close to Him. Thank you Jesus for saving me and for not giving up on me!

So why do we have so many children? No, it is not that we absolutely adore babies nor am I in any way the maternal sort. In fact, I never wanted children.  So how did we end up with 7 children in slightly less than 11 years?

There are 2 main reasons :

1. Children are God’s rewards.

Sons are a heritage from the Lord,
children a reward from Him.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one’s youth.
Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame when they content with their
enemies in the gate.

Ps 127:3 – 5

Children are little blessings that the Lord sends down to us. We almost never say no to being rewarded with a fatter bank account or a bigger house or a bigger car. But how many times have you seen people shrink back in horror (mock or otherwise) when you ask them if they would like to have more children? What does this say about society and its view on children? As someone wrote in our local newspaper some time ago, children are often viewed as a liability, not an asset. I do not deny that the little people are hard work. That is a fact. But the work we do for them and with them has eternal repercussions. Working at the office does not

The Bible clearly say that children are blessings. But many, in today’s world, Christians included, do not see them as such. In fact barreness is celebrated! People try all sorts of ways* to not get pregnant. But when viewed through the eyes of scriptures, barreness is a curse from the Lord! Not something to covet.

2. God is the one who opens & closes wombs

We did not start out being quiverful. (The term “quiverful” is used when families trust in the Lord to plan the number of children they have and even the spacing between them.) Like all intelligent and practical couples  we were going to have the lovely perfect 2-child family. And lo and behold, when we had 1 boy & 1 girl, everybody told us that we can “close shop”.

But as I was pregnant with my 2nd child, I came across an email group that discussed being quiverful. It was a strange and alien concept to me. Afterall, God gave us brains, right? So why should we throw away our brains and let God lead and plan our lives? And remember, I did not particularly like children and have never been one to coo over babies. We definitely did not start out planning to have a large family. Two is more than enough, thank you!

And yet, something about the quiverful philosophy spoke to me and I shared it with dh. Both of us came to the same conclusion. We say we that we trust God, that He is in control and He knows best. We put our lives and souls into His hands and yet here we are trying to control our own fertility. (Do we actually have control over our fertility???)

So what does that say about our faith in Him? If we say that the Bible is right, that children are blessings and rewards from God, then why are we saying NO to more babies?

For me, there was only one reason why I was saying no – selfishness. Having more than 2 babies would inconvenience me even more than what I was dealing with! Children are hard work. Having more babies meant that I would have to postpone many of my dreams. The more children we have thelonger I have to postpone those dreams. And I would so love to be thin again! Like I said, they were selfish reasons

So in an act of faith, we decided to take God at His word and trust Him to plan out the number of children He has for us and even the spacing of the children. It has been an exciting adventure as we were then very quickly blessed with 7 children in 11yrs!

Is it easy? Nope! And let me tell you, it is tiring too. But the faith walk is never easy and we thank God that He knows how weak our faith is and is ever so gracious to meet us at our level. We freely admit that sometimes we worry that we could have 12 children or more at this rate till I hit menopause. Especially on those days when everything that can go wrong, goes wrong. But this line of thought is presumptious and boastful. It may or may not happen.

May this challenge you if you are thinking about having another child but think you are being impractical. Following God does not seem practical. What He calls us to do may not seem wise. But whose standards are we following when we say something is impractical or unwise? God’s? Or the world’s system?

Yes, little people are hard work. Little children that need to be trained drains away your energy. But and I say this to myself all the time when I am feeling down – God has a purpose for each of these little people and He gave them to you and me to raise them up for Him. What an honour to be chosen! What a privilege. And how cute they can be

So that is why we have the number of children we have. Will we have more? I am content to stop here. And I have been content to stop way back when we had 2. But I don’t know what the Lord has in store for us. I can only pray for His strength and wisdom to raise them right.

* I’ve also learnt that almost all chemical and hormonal contraceptives act as an abortifacient. These contraception methods work on 2 levels – a) prevent the egg from being fertilised by the sperm and b) if that fails and fertilisation should occur, make the uterine wall hostile to the embryo so that it is unable to attach itself to the uterine wall. Meaning it causes your body to abort the baby.

~~~ Adapted and updated on 30th June 2009. This post was originally published on 9th September 2006 as “Are They All Yours?” ~~~

In my last post on Menu Planning, I shared how menu planning has been a great tool in helping me be more efficient. Here I will share how I plan my menu for the week.

Usually I plan for just one week. But you can plan for a fortnight or even for a month if your month is pretty predictable. Also, if your family is not as fussy as mine, you can actually rotate the same menu over and over. 

For example : Fried rice is served every Monday night while spaghetti is eaten every Tuesday night. Now if I can get my family to accept this, I’d be over the moon!

I usually plan on a week-to-week basis since dh’s schedule is rather unpredictable. There are certain dishes he prefers not to eat and I would cook those on days he’s not home to eat it Also the portions to be bought would be different if he’s not eating with us.

Some moms I know plan by their meals according to the meats they eat. For example, beef is always served on Fridays. So the menu plan may have beef stew the 1st week of the month, beef noodles the 2nd week, beef burgers the 3rd week, etc…Or chicken is always served on Tuesdays, so one week has chicken chops on the menu while the next week has roast chicken. Get creative as to how you want your menu plan to look like.

WhenI first started planning, I was rather stressed thinking I would have to actually come up with 21 meals in a week! But it really wasn’t that bad. First I started out with what I know how to cook – that’s helpful when one is pressed for time :) Then I listed all the dishes we have been eating all this while. I also asked the children what they would like to eat. Also, I would scour websites for easy to cook dishes that are easy to whip up. I do a mixture of Asian and Western cuisine just to jazz things up a bit.

Need more ideas to get started? You can check out Menu Planning Central. There’s also the weekly Menu Plan Monday meme organised by I’m An Organized Junkie every Monday.

The only issue I have with these menu plans is that they are usually ang mo* food. If you need Chinese/Asian food, I suggest you visited tingkat catering** websites. These will usually list a weekly sample of food they offer if you order from them. Check out their list and get inspired!

* ang mo food refers to Western food  ** tingkat catering services is a service we have in Singapore where one pays for a catering company to deliver lunch and/or dinner right up to your doorstep Mondays to Fridays, excluding Public Holidays.

As promised here’s my take on menu planning.

First of all, a confession. I highly recommend menu planning but I do not like menu planning. I find it a pain to have to sit down and write out what we are going to eat for a whole week in advance. But I do it week after week because I like the results of menu planning. That is – peace and efficiency.

Peace because I no longer have to wreck my brains thinking about what to cook and I do not have to answer “What’s for breakfast/lunch/dinner?” many times a day! I just point them to the menu plan on the fridge.

I am also more efficient when I use my menu plan to organise my freezer/fridge. All the food for each day’s meals are labelled and packed together. This way, all I need is to pull out the correct “bundle” to defrost at the end of each day for the next day’s meals. Also, because my grocery list is based on my menu plan I seldom end up with missing ingredients. I say seldom since I do sometimes miss out an item or do not realise that stocks of another item has runned out.

I have written before in So What’s For Dinner? the benefits of menu planning so I will try not to repeat myself here It is really a lifesaver and another useful tool in making sure that our household runs smoothly. The other tool is, of course, having routines as mentioned in Schedules and Routines.

A menu plan is so simple and helpful and yet many moms I know do not use it. There are also many moms who are highly resistant to it. “There’s no spontaneity!” they cry in protest when I suggest it to them. I personally feel spontaneity is overrated. Especially if spontaneity causes mom to feel stressed and worked up.

The only time I survived without a menu plan was when I had only 3 children and lived a 10 minute walk from the wet market which I visited almost daily as it was next to the only playground in the area. I also had a lot more time back then Now I do not have luxury of always popping to the wet market or supermarket to pick up things that I have forgotten to buy.

Actually, one can still be spontaneous with a menu plan as one dish can be swopped for another on the list. Don’t feel like having fish today? Then swop with Thursday’s Beef Stew. What to do with the plan for fried rice now that dh has decided to bring you out for dinner? Push it to the next week. It isn’t carved in stone. It is a tool to help you be more efficient.

Yes, it takes discipline and time to sit and plan and even a mindset change. But if you want your home to run smoothly, you have to invest the time to plan for it to become so.

Try menu planning. And if at first it does not work out, try again! I had to work at it and tweak it many times before being happy with what I have now.

You may be interested in How To Menu Plan coming up next!

One major and important tool in our home is a routine. Having routines have helped to eliminate many day-to-day hassles, especially as our family has grown

I have generally been a fairly organised person, preferring to know what’s ahead rather than to fly by the seat of my pants, so to speak. It did cause some distress when I had a baby since babies have personalities of their own and don’t always follow the structure and routine we set for them.:)

That forced me to relax a bit. Then we had more children…now that really forced me to relax more and yet ironically, with that many young children under my care, I needed routines & schedules more than ever. It was a great tool that allowed me to run the household in a smoother manner. The children also enjoyed the predictability of things. 

In the beginning I had a fixed schedule which I really loathed to deviate from but with more than 3 young children, it was near impossible to run a home with fixed timings. There were a lot more interruptions – diaper changes, potty training, wiping up messes little people create, disciplining…. That’s when I moved from schedules (with fixed times) to routines.

Our routines have been tweaked many times to suit the needs of the family. When we started homeschooling, our routines had to change. And of course when we have a new blessing, we would have to juggle the timings all over again. We now have a rhythm to our lives. Things flow from one to another and not necessarily according to the clock. It is more peaceful.

An example : Every morning, we wake up, shower, have breakfast, clean up and do school. The sequence of things is always the same regardless of what time we (or me!) wake up. Even if we go out for breakfast, we’ll just do school when we’re back.

Living with a routine has also meant that we seldom have to fight with the younger children about meal and nap times. The toddler knows that she naps after lunch. Period. And she also knows that she can’t expect me to play with her when we are doing school in the mornings.

Routines have served us well.

If we should suddenly have to interrupt our routine, it is ok. Alright – I may not be happy, but it is ok We’ll just pick up where we left off.

How does one come up with a routine?

I will just cover this briefly. You can start with items that must be done and then work in the rest of the things that you would like to accomplish. Steve and Teri Maxwell explains it best in their book, Managers of Their Homes available locally at The Home Library. I have learnt much from the book and highly recommend it to young moms who are struggling to get a handle on their household, especially those without maids.

I started off with fixing meal and sleep times. Then I slot in what’s important and necessary to our family, such as schoolwork and chores. 

So, since I like us to eat our breakfast at 8am, lunch at noon and dinner at 6pm, they are what anchors our day. Bedtimes are staggered according to age, starting at 8:30pm.

The bulk of schoolwork is done in the morning when everyone is fresh and awake. Afternoons are for resting and playtime. That’s also when I finish grading their work and getting my internet fix Evenings are totally for playing. But as the children get older, I forsee that a part of our afternoons have to be set aside for schoolwork as well.

If you are feeling that you end each day having accomplished nothing, I would suggest that you set up a routine and write down all the things you have to do. Nothing beats looking at a list and seeing how many things you have done!

I understand that some people may have an adverse reaction to the word routine and stay far away from it preferring spontaneity. That’s fine if things still get done and your family loves it. If that works for you, great! But for those who are struggling to keep their homes in order and/or are feeling overwhelmed, give routines a try.

Next Up : Menu Planning

Would you be interested to know more about raising your children for the Kingdom? Then come and listen to David Leong, Executive Director of Scripture Union share and teach.

For more details, please click here.

*** For my 6 other birth stories, go to My Birth Stories ***

 As we celebrate baby’s one month on 12th April, I thought it would be timely to add her birth story on this site as well. So if you have read it before, please feel free to skip it. But if you never tire of reading birth stories, you are most welcomed to read it again

The labour and birth of our seventh child brought a new meaning to me on depending on God for birthing and not on man. You could say that our seventh birth was an unplanned, planned homebirth If you had read My Homebirthing Journey, you would have known that I had not planned for a homebirth at the beginning. All along, I had planned to go to the hospital.

However, there were a handful of people who asked if I was planning a homebirth this time since our 6th labour and birth was so quick. Even our older children started to ask us to birth at home!

That was when I started to think that perhaps I should prepare for one in case I birth even faster this time round. So I started to read up (articles as well as natural birthing forums) and view homebirth videos and asked questions of those who had birthed at home in Singapore, UK and the US. And as I packed my hospital bag, I prepared a homebirth “kit” of sorts as a standby as well.

These are the stats :

• EDD : Friday, 6th March 2009
• Date of birth : Thursday 12th March 2009
• Weight at birth : 4.3kg (our biggest baby!)
• Head circumference : 36cm (again, the biggest!)
• Length of labour : 20hours from start to end (longest labour ever!)

And here is how the labour and birth panned out.

Wednesday, 11th March 2009 (40 weeks 5days)

We saw the dr in the morning and he casually mentions that this baby is much larger than my previously 3.5kg  large baby (#4). The u/s showed a possible 3.7kg baby. At that point I was unfazed as I’d already thought that the baby was about 3.8kg from the size of my belly. 

About 6pm

Early labour started as we left for our 14th wedding anniversary dinner just before  6pm, I had very mild contractions every 10 minutes apart. But I didn’t say anything coz I wasn’t sure. 

About 8pm – went to the toilet.

Thursday, 12th March 2009 (40weeks 6days)

Midnight – went to sleep with contractions still coming on every 10 minutes. A little more intense now. Feeling urge to empty bowels but nothing happens.

12:35am – woken up with urge to pee. Almost immediately felt intense contraction. Managed to go right back to sleep after relieving myself.

3:10am – contractions woke me up. Contractions seem to have moved closer. Every 5 minutes. Urge to go to the toilet again. Successful! Started to time length of contractions. 30 – 45seconds long. Pressure on rectal area is felt.

Lying down was not comfortable at all. Stood and leant against the bed with pillow and bolster as props.

4:10am came downstairs to get a drink. Contractions continue at 5 minutes apart, 30 – 45 seconds long. Went back up to rest. Feeling rather restless though. Contractions still 5 minutes apart. Realising that there was no breakfast in the house (we were planning to have breakfast out), I started to write out what to order for whom from MacDonald’s and stuck it up on the whyte board.

When dh stirred at around 7plus am, I told him that the morning’s plan of visiting the chiropractor and Science Centre was off Told dh to call Mac’s for breakfast instead.

I started to sms friends to inform them that labour is established and to pray for me In my mind, it would be all over in 1 – 2 hrs. But what did I know!

The contractions started to last longer but not closer. From 30 – 45 seconds to 45 seconds to 1 minute. All this while I was walking and getting on all fours and rocking. I even sat on the toilet bowl to labour!

10:25am – went to the toilet and passed out mucous plug. Was most pleased coz from past experience, it meant labour was very imminent – for me, that is. At that moment, dh popped his head in & I happily told him – soon!

Contractions began lasting 1 minute 15 seconds to 1 minute 30 seconds long but still at 5 minute intervals. No urge to push. I was starting to get tired and annoyed. Afterall, I hadn’t slept since 3am and had no appetite for any food. And the fast labour I had anticipated was just not happening. I kept asking God, “What is happening???”

All this while I was labouring alone in the room – I much prefer it this way. Meanwhile dh was popping his head in every now and then to check my progress. Each time he was met with a shake of the head, indicating no progress! The next time he popped his head in, I told him, I was going to sleep!

So I lay down & promptly fell asleep, waking only upon each contraction. At about 12:30pm, I felt a gush of stuff coming out of me. I thought my waterbag had broken. Then I looked, it was just a small puddle. Dh said, “so little?” Lol.

Contractions became a little more intense after that. Each contraction pushed out more mucous. I now got up from bed to walk, rock, go on all fours, squat – whatever I’d read that can help labour progress. But nope! things remained the same. Frustrating. Still 5 minutes apart!

I began to suspect that my baby is not facing the correct position (baby was ROA throughout the pregnancy) and hence there was a lot of movement inbetween the contractions and I was feeling a lot of back aches, totally non-existent in my previous 6 births.

At that point in time I was still wondering when to make a move to go to the hospital. In my mind, going by past experiences, I had planned to make a move to the hospital once I started to feel the urge to push but so far, I have had no urge to push and the contractions were not getting any closer at all.

But at about 1:00pm, I decided to sms my dad to make his way over to our home to watch the children, regardless of the stage of labour.

Shortly after that, when dh popped his head in again and I told him, “I think  the baby is not in the correct position and that’s why we’re not progressing. And my back is aching!” He started to pray and command Anna to get into the right position. After that he massaged my back a little then the doorbell rang!  My dad was here!

1:50pm – As dh left the room to open the door, I felt a movement down into my cervix (the head?!) and then an intense contraction which broke the real waterbag. This time it was a huge gush. (I have no idea what the previous gush of water was!) The bed was soaked. The back ache was gone! And then I felt the urge to push!

The Birth

Well, at that point, I wasn’t about to make my way to the hospital for sure! Dh walked in and saw the mess on the bed. I climbed down from our bed to the mattress I had specially prepared on the floor. I immediately got on all fours and started to push with the contractions.

But guess what? Each contraction was still very far apart. And as I pushed, I would feel the slight ring of fire at the cervix and just as I thought I could bring forth the head, the contractions would stop and and the baby would slip right back in! Argh! I did this 3 times! I was getting increasingly fed-up

When the next contraction came, I told myself, I am going to push her out, with all I have got. So I did – or thought I did. I felt the stretch of the perinium but couldn’t see what was happening so I asked dh for a description. I was hoping that the head was completely out and all I had to do was wait for the next contraction to push the shoulders out. Nope!

After that huge effort of pushing, all I got was was just the rim of the head, just before the eyebrows! Oh man! Frustration is an understatement!

Then I felt another contraction and I pushed. This time, I felt the burning sensation all around and it hurt for a while. Then the sting subsided. No more stinging. But the head was not out either!

What was happening?! I was very puzzled. With my previous births, once I felt the ring of fire, the head would be out and in a twinkling of an eye, the shoulders and the rest of the body. But not this time. And why was the interval between the contractions taking so long??? * I tried to push some more on my own but of course nothing happens and then I tried to breathe her out. Nothing happens either!

Then I felt more contractions coming along but very mild. With each contraction, Dh would go, ”I see the eyes now”, “the nose”, “the lips”.** Then NOTHING!!! I’m like, “huh?” It was like a slow motion movie!

Dh asked, “Do I do anything?” “No!” came my quick reply! “Just leave her alone. Don’t pull her!” Meanwhile, she was just stuck in me. It was highly awkward and uncomfortable.  I asked hopefully, “Are her shoulders out?” ”No, it isn’t.” Grrr…. 

I asked dh,”So what do we do now?” Of course he had no answer! Lol! I tried shifting around slowly but no position was comfortable except on all fours. So I stayed in that position and waited for the next contraction to come that seemed to take forever! Talk about total and complete dependence on God!

Although neither of us knew what to do, what was awesome was that I was very calm* inside. No fear. No pain. No panic. All glory to God!

Then comes the next awesome part, I felt her turn very slowly. Usually this part happens so fast I don’t feel it but this time I did! I remember yelling at dh, “Don’t pull her!” And he goes, “I’m not doing anything! She’s turning on her own!”

And then there was a pause.

I prayed for contractions to re-start, while dh was praying for Anna to cooperate with my body.

A mild contraction came on, one which result in some liquid coming out of me, not the shoulders. Another contraction, more liquid, no shoulders. Suddenly felt huge contraction coming on, I pushed with all my might and the shoulders slid right out. Hurray! baby is out! (Dh said that as the baby turned, he saw something white pushing through. It was actually one of the shoulders! Cool, eh?)

Dh caught the baby and she lay on the mattress. I looked at the baby lying there. She looked a bit shell shocked, spitting out stuff from her mouth. She lay very quietly, looking all around. Dh handed her to me and she was very quiet. Dh handed her to me and I rubbed her back, as I’d read before and asked for a clean towel to be wrapped around her. Then she started to cry and wouldn’t stop! Haha!

Dh then went outside and called all the children up. They were so thrilled! Our 21 month old kept going, “baby, baby!” And “wet, wet!” referrring to the amniotic fluid that had flowed off the the mattress and onto the floor.

Immediate Post Partum

I tried to nurse her but she was too busy crying. As I sat next to the bed rubbing her and admiring her, I felt a slight contraction and something whoosed out of me. I thought it was the placenta but it was just some blood clots. So I told dh I was going to sit on the bed instead of the mattress on the floor.

So I climbed up and sat down with the intention to nurse the baby once I was comfortable. In my mind, I was going to put the designated placenta basin under me to catch the placenta when it comes out.

But before I could do anything, I felt a contraction. I lifted up myself slightly and it slipped right out of me, effortlessly! My poor dh had to scoop it up – all warm, squishy and slimely into the basin

Then the baby started to nurse a little. But she wasn’t very interested. So I told dh that I wanted to go wash up and put on some clothes. I was starting to feel cold.

As I stepped off the bed and took a step towards the bathroom, a huge gush of water and blood flowed out and splashed all over the floor, walls, standing fan, dresser….It looked like a crime scene from the show CSI

While I made my way slowly to the bathroom, I started to feel giddy and started to hear voices drifting off. Not a good sign. I was going to faint. I quickly knelt down on the toilet floor and the giddiness went away. I managed to shower off most of the blood and made my way back to the bed to lie back and nurse the baby. This time she was very interested in nursing!

Meanwhile, dh had to clean up the entire mess all by himself! He’s been just so great! He not only had to clean up the bed and floow and walls, he also had to hurry since I wanted to get to the hospital.

As he finished off, I got up to rinse off more blood that had pooled as I lay nursing. Little did I know that as I stood up, I deposited another huge puddle of blood on the floor! He had to clean up AGAIN!

Again, I felt that I was going to faint, so I quickly changed and made our way down to the car as quickly as possible so that I wouldn’t faint on him!

And yes, we didn’t cut the umbilical cord. So we carried the basin containing the placenta with the baby to the hospital.

Admission to Mt Alvernia

Admission into the hospital was really funny though. They didn’t know what to do with us. Haha. The nurse on duty first asked me, then dh, “Do you have an apppointment?” Like huh? I just had a baby. I need an appointment?! They couldn’t figure out if I should go into the Delivery Suite or not.

In the end, dh just told them, “We’re going to the Delivery Suite.” Once there, they did their usual procedures while I waited for the dr to come and check on me. That was when we found out what a big baby she was!

The dr stepped in after a while and confirmed that I didn’t tear – Praise God! But advised that I should take the injection to help the uterus contract. Now that injection hurt more than the stretching of my cervix to accommodate the baby’s 36cm head!

Why Get Myself Checked In?

And if you are wondering why I chose to go to the hospital instead of staying home? That’s coz I really needed to rest! At the hospital, I was waited on hand and foot. And once I finished nursing the baby, I could just hand her over to the nursery while I got some rest. If I were at home, I wouldn’t have this luxury. Plus dh would have to look after 2 more persons.

So this is the story of my unplanned, planned homebirth. And how marvellous that I had the opportunity and honour to experience full dependence on God for this birth. Praise God indeed!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

* This was an answered prayer. I had prayed from the beginning that the birth be a calm one. Well the birth wasn’t calm but I was, thanks be to God!

** On hindsight, it was God’s hand that allowed a longer than usual interval between the contractions. If it had happened any faster, I would have torn. But because it was so slow, the perinium had the chance to slowly stretch to accommodate the head without tearing. Isn’t God awesome?

*** Dh said that as her lips emerged, Anna started spitting out brownish liquid. I guess that would be the amniotic fluid being flushed out?

**** You may also want to read my ”What Did I Learn“, reflective post.

***** And no, I never get tired of telling this story over and over

******

My personal musings are found at Building An Ark In Singapore.

Through my observations and questions thrown at me over the past almost 11 years as a mom, I have noticed that these are the more common issues  new moms struggle most with.

• Breastfeeding
• Crying Babies
• Non-sleeping babies
• Sheer exhaustion
• Interference from others

Breastfeeding

Because one can’t see how much the baby is taking in, breastfeeding can be the most common cause of stress for the new mom. This often leads to the mom giving up breastfeeding which is a pity since breastfeeding has so many benefits not just for the baby but for the mother as well.

The 1st question a new mom encounters everytime she mentions she is breastfeeding the baby exclusively is, “Do you have enough milk?”

The “Do you have enough milk?” question is constantly asked throughout the entire breastfeeding journey. After a while, even a confident mom will get worn out and/or demoralised hearing it over and over

The new mom could also be sabotaged by a well meaning but totally ignorant doctor from Day 1. In fact, after my recent birth, I overheard the ob-gyn telling my room mate that her milk would not come in till the 7th day and meanwhile she had to supplement 20 – 30 mls after every nursing session!

To counteract such inaccurate statements, a new mom ought to read updated literature on breastfeeding and talk to those who have breastfed successfully for at least 6 months or more.

So how is one to handle the perennial question of knowing how much milk the baby is taking or not taking? Simple - observe the wet diapers. Rule of thumb is 6 – 8 wet diapers by the end of the 1st week and that the urine colour should be clear or pale yellow. Also check that the lips are not dry and that the fonatalles are not overly depressed.

Do not pump to check!!! This is the most common mistake new breastfeeding moms make. They pump to check the amount of milk they are producing. It is always less than what the baby is taking. Why?

For one, breastfeeding at that point in time has not been fully established. Next the pump always extracts less than what the baby can! Also, the pump may not be able to stimulate the breast to have a letdown which means all the mom is getting out of the breast is the unimpressive looking foremilk. Not the thick creamy hindmilk. It is a very poor gauge of the amount of milk the mom is making.

Trust your body to produce the milk your baby needs. Eat properly, drink lots and lie down and rest as much as possible for at least the 1st 6 weeks.

Crying Babies

Closely linked to breastfeeding is the issue of crying babies. The 1st assumption many make is that a crying baby is a hungry baby. Therefore if a baby cries very often, he must be very hungry because breastmilk is not sufficient.

WRONG!

A baby cries for many reasons. Being tired is one of them. So is being overstimulated. Other babies hate to be dirty diapers and yet others cry because they are too cold/hot. Crying does not necessarily indicate a hungry baby.

And then there are babies who are high need and just cry more than other easily contented babies. If you have one of those, pray!

Or you may have a baby that loves to suckle. Suckling calms her down. So when she wants to sleep, she starts crying and rooting for the breast, not because she is really hungry but because she wants to suckle to soothe herself to sleep.

So what do you do with crying babies? For one, remain calm. babies are highly sensitive. They can sense the tension in us and react to it by fussing/crying even more.

Personally, I go with the eat-awake-sleep routine. This way helps me know why the baby is crying. If she’s near her sleep time and is fussing, I put her to bed. If she’s crying near her feeding time, I feed her. It takes a lot of the guesswork out of parenting. Also, this way, I do not end up offering the breast all the time.

Non-sleeping babies

I don’t know where these so-called experts get the idea that babies, especially newborn babies sleep alot. None of my 7 ever did.

Currently, our 7th baby is a catnapper. And to top it off, she catnaps at the breast! Something that I absolutely dislike! But she is all of 3 weeks old. So I refuse to get overly stressed about it for now. And that is the same advice I would give to new moms.

Yes, I believe in setting a routine and sleep training. BUT not now. Not when they are so young. IF they need to nurse every 2hours so be it. If they need to nurse/rocked to sleep, so be it.

The milk supply needs all the stimulation it can get to produce sufficient milk for the baby. And the baby needs time to adjust to the family’s rhythm. Give everyone a chance!

You can start setting the routine but if it doesn’t happen, chill out. Try again later. Sleep training can wait at this stage.

Sheer exhaustion

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – You do not know what exhaustion is till you’ve had a baby!

If you are breastfeeding, dealing with a crying and non-sleeping baby, I can almost guarantee that you’ll experience sheer exhaustion by the end of the 1st week. Well, unless one’s totally hands-off and has an army of help. So what’s one to do?

Well, it is much easier when you are dealing with just one baby. You just nap when the baby naps. Even if you have to nap with the baby on you or attached to you. You just nap coz you need the sleep. Forget about the chores, forget about answering emails and telephone calls. Just go and sleep when baby is sleeping.

But what if you have more than one child?

Ah! That’s when scheduled naptimes or quiet times for the older child/ren is most helpful. In our house, we have a time when everyone is lying down and napping or resting. That’s when I nap with the baby, if necessary.

On days when the scheduled quiet time does not coincide with the baby’s nap then I will lie on the couch/floor while the kids play around me while the baby naps in her cot. Yes, it isn’t really restful but it is better than nothing. I have found that my body needs to be in a horizontal position at least once a day even if it is just for 10 – 15 minutes. And when I am really tired, I’ll even fall asleep in the midst of all the noise!

Everything seems more miserable, more overwhelming, more negative when one is exhausted. So put resting before chores and even school in the early days. You can reinstate everything else when you’ve had some rest.

One more thing. You may be tempted to drink coffee or tea or ginseng to perk you up but if it affects the baby, you would be creating another problem for yourself. So do check if your baby is affected by these stimulants before taking them.

Interference from others

As a new mom, there will be plenty of “help” and “advice” given – whether you asked for it or not These advice can cause great stress to the new mom and dad. Especially when the advice given are conflicting. And if you live with your parents or parents-in-laws, then you’ll have to navigate extremely sensitive grounds.

If you do live with your parents or your parents-in-laws, it is best if the “ground rules” were laid out from the very beginning. I do not have any real life experience of living with either set of parents as yet but from what I have observed, you’ll have to decide – with your dh – what are the issues that are important to you and stick to them. On less important issues, learn to close both eyes – and ears!

With regard to advice dished out by others, learn to smile and move on Don’t get on the defensive. You don’t need to explain why you do what you do. Unless they are truly interested.

Don’t let these common issues spoil your enjoyment of the little blessing God has given to your family. As you wrestle with them to find your footing as a new mom, don’t forget to pray! Pray for strength to see you through the day even though you are down to your last ounce of strength. The early days are tiring but it will pass! Talk to those who understand and seek encouragement from like-minded people to make this season a little easier to bear.

* You may want to read Struggles of  New Moms *

And if you know someone who has just become a new mother, do encourage and support her. Some helpful pointers can be found in “What A New Mother Needs“.

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My personal musings are found at Building An Ark in Singapore.

For every new mom who survives the confinement period without tears and depression, there are probably 10 moms who didn’t

Being a new mom is a terribly frightening experience. Now, there’s a helpless human being who looks to you for answers and help. But you don’t have all the answers. Most times you are too sleep deprived to even know what day or time it is!

So how does one survive?

Let me just say it as it is – all of us have to go through this baptism of fire No matter how prepared you are, you are never prepared enough. And even if you have had several children before, each newborn brings a different set of challenges so you will often feel like a new mom all over again.

But having said that, a well-prepared mother is better equipped than an ill-informed one. So I believe there are ways to survive this period with a little less trauma

Books and more books

This is especially for 1st time moms. Read, read and read some more! But even as you read, bear in mind that life is not a textbook and your child is a unique created being. Just because the book says a baby should sleep 22 hours out of the 24 hours does not mean your baby will sleep 22 hours. And just because the book says most babies feed every 3hours doesn’t mean yours will feed every 3 hours.

When you read, keep a lookout for the PRINCIPLE behind the advice. Don’t just follow the advice blindly.

Get real life support

Then get in touch with moms you trust and respect. Observe the moms around you even before you birth. Understand their philosophy of life and ask yourself if you’d like to learn from them. If yes, get to know them!

Your mom, mil, sister, sil, friends, colleagues, etc can be good sources of help. Talk to them, learn from them. Ask them questions. They would be more than happy to share with you their success stories as well as steer you away from what did not work for them.

And as you search for your real life support, I suggest you narrow it down to 2 or 3 persons that you will turn to after the baby arrives. While a variety of opinions add spice to life, it can also serve to confuse the new mom. 

Eg. If you believe in attachment parenting, then stick to those who believe in it. If you believe, instead, in a parent-led philosophy, then make sure you seek advice from those who practice it. Otherwise the opposing views will just serve to make you more stressed and confused.

Online help

There are countless of moms forums out there in cyberspace. But again, in every forum there’ll be a multitude of parenting philosophies. They can serve to confuse rather than be helpful. Choose carefully.

Go with the flow

This would be the most lifesaving tip I, myself have learnt. Even as you search for answers in books and real life support, learn to go with the flow. There will be days where it will seem nothing works. The baby just keeps crying/nursing/  would not be put down, etc.

That’s when you need to learn to just go with the flow. Live each day, an hour at a time, even 15 minutes at a time, if that helps. Don’t think of the long stretch ahead. Make everything bite size.

For example, even if you are a believer in parent-led feeding but no matter how you try, the baby wants to feed every hour on the hour, so be it. Let him. It will keep you sane. Re-institute the routine later on, when the baby is more mature and you are calmer. Go with the flow.

And the most important of all…

Pray

Even as you read and seek advice from those you admire, do not forget God! he gave you this baby, He will guide you on how to care for him. He will be the one who will lead you to the right books, the right person, the right forum. Keep asking Him for help, to lead you.

So if you are mom-to-be, start doing your homework now and get to know moms you trust and respect. And if you are already a new mom struggling, don’t give up. It’s never too late to start looking for support and reading up.

Above all, enjoy your baby!

* Look out for Common Issues New Moms Struggle With *

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My personal musings are found at Building An Ark in Singapore.

I have come to realise that without trials, one doesn’t need God. Yes, we pay lip service to how good and faithful God is but we don’t fully appreciate His goodness and faithfulness until we hit a brick wall and crumple into a heap.

No wonder James tells us to “count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” (James 1:2-4)

For truly, without trials, we don’t need to depend wholeheartedly on God. We can still rely on our own strength and capabilites.

Our faith is tested in times of trials. Do we get angry at God? Do we give up on God? Do we cling on tightly to God?

For me, there is no other God to serve. He is God. The one and only true God. I don’t understand why He does what He does most times but He is  a good God. He wants what’s best for me, His created creature – which may or may not include material possesions. But his ultimate goal is to transform me into the likeness of His Son, Jesus Christ.

And trials do that. Read James 1:2 -4 again, especially verse 4. “But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing”. He wants us to be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

He is not an indulgent parent, giving in to my whims and fancies. He wants me to reflect the glory of His Son to those around me that they too will want what I have. Then He can have the joy of having them in His Kingdom as well.

I may not always acknowledge Him, being carnal and proud but I depend on God for everything. One day I will post my testimony of His grace upon my life that I shared at the Metropole YMCA Lunchtime Fellowship.

A person with no trials in his or her life may seemingly have a good life but a faith that is not tested is not faith. As Reverend Francis shared in one of his sermons at Covenant Vision Christian Church, “How can you be an overcomer if you have not overcomed?”

May you sit and reflect on your life – the good and the bad and the in-betweens.

Do YOU depend on God? Or do you depend on yourself? Your parents? Your dh? The maid? Friends? Church?

Trials are not pleasant. They can be a downright pain in the you-know–where but it does bring us one step closer to God if we let Him do His work in us. If we resist, then we miss what He wanted to give us.

This is not being perverse, welcoming ill-fortune into our lives. No. This is not what I mean. I refer to the trials God allows, not trials that result from our foolishness or pride or sin. Although, even with those trials, God can work His miracle and blessings into our lives. If we would let him.

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My personal musings can be found at Building An Ark in Singapore.