Helpful Tip #7

Calibrating our minds

How has your focus been lately?

Mine has been all over the place. When faced with health issues, homeschooling issues, character issues….my eyes have been fixed everywhere and upon everything except on the one thing that really, really matters.

JESUS.

While running around, staying up to research on eczema, participate in health forums, I have neglected to do the one thing which is most important – seek His face.

Yes, I have prayed and prayed. But not as passionately as compared to the amount of time I have spent on the internet I spend more time researching rather than in prayer and Bible reading. How convicted I was when I was gently rebuked by a sister who had known nothing about what I have been doing!

The more roles I juggle, the more I need to calibrate my mind on the one thing that colours all the other things – JESUS. Once that focus is right, everything falls into place, no matter how hard the situation is.

I have by no means mastered this and I struggle with this daily. So this tip is as much for me as it is for you. Whenever you feel that you want to give up and throw in the towel, check your mind’s calibration : is it focused on the right thing? Has its focus shifted without you knowing?

Let us re-calibrate our minds!

Teach Your Children to Play on their Own

Teaching a child, even a baby, to play play by himself is a great help, just like teaching a child to sleep on his own. And if you are a SAHM with no help, this skill is super important because there will be many times during the day where you will need to do stuff with two hands!

Sure a sling/baby carrier is helpful too but being able to put a child down and work with both hands is much more productive. So how can one teach this skill to a child?

In the beginning, babies and toddlers get separation anxiety when mom has to step aside for a while to do something without him. He may be playing happily by himself but the moment he senses that you are about to stand up and move somewhere, even just a foot away, he will immediately abandon his play and start bawling for you!

But if you consistently teach a child how to play independently by himself he will get used to it and be able to entertain himself happily without dissolving into a mess each time you stand up or shift your position

When I had less children and more space I would put baby in his cot with a musical mobile (when he was immobile) and tell him it is playtime. Turn on the musical mobile and walk away. I would start with 5 minutes and then slowly increase the time frame until baby can play by himself alone for up to 10 – 15 minutes at a stretch at least 2 times a day.

Baby will fuss for a while which is why I say to start with just 5 minutes of alone play time. To expect a baby to be able to entertain himself for 30 minutes in the beginning would not be reasonable at all.

When he could flip/creep/sit on his own, I would put some toys into his cot. I would also increase the time frame to about 30 minutes twice a day. Playing some praise and worship music helps too.

It would be best if the time he is required to play by himself is fixed so it is a predictable routine for the baby and mom. Make sure he is fed and not sleepy though I have had a baby that fell asleep during his play time a few times!

And if you are starting with a toddler, the same principles apply except that you would set aside a room for him to play by himself instead of his cot Explain to him that he needs to play by himself and that mommy will be outside/in another room and will come and get him when alone playtime is over. You could even set a timer for him so that he knows that he only has to be play by himself till the timer goes off.

The ability to entertain himself is a great skill that we should teach our children. And it is really helpful on days when mom is sick/tired/busy. But please do not use this as an excuse to leave your child alone for hours on end, which I am sure you will not, right?

Homeschool FAQs

I decided to compile a common list of questions we often receive from those curious about homeschooling. For a full listing of posts on Homeschooling, click on Homeschooling Intro.

1. Is homeschooling legal in Singapore?

Yes, it is BUT you’ll have to apply for exemption from the Ministry of Education (MOE). You will have to personally write in MOE to request an exemption form.

I strongly recommend that you join the Singapore Homeschool Yahoo group for more information about homeschooling in Singapore. Once you are a member, you can log on and read the Compulsory Education Information Sheet kindly put together by Angie of Teaching Our Own under Files.

2. Was I a teacher before?

Nope. I did do relief teaching while waiting to enter university But, no, I do not have any teaching experience or training.

3. Must I be a qualified teacher to homeschool?

No. But MOE does look at your educational qualifications before they allow you to homeschool. This would be my incentive to aim for a university degree for the children in case they would like to homeschool their children

4. Does your husband teach any subject?

Ah! I wish! He’s the Maths whiz and ideally he is the best person to teach that to the children. However, we tried that and it did not work out. His work schedule is not fixed. And he often has night services or teaching and/or counselling sessions during the nights. So it is just not possible.

But if there are certain Maths questions that I am unable to explain clearly to the children, we tap into his expertise

5. I am not good in English/Maths/Chinese so how can I teach my child?

Well, there are many curricula available that can help you teach the subjects you are weak in. Look for that is appropriate and use it. As Lee Binz of The Home Scholar wrote – always invest in the subject you are weakest in.

And if the subject is really over your head, then send your child for tuition As I have mentioned before, there is no shame in doing so. Almost all students in public schools attend tuition for at least one subject, sometimes all four! And they are taught by teachers trained by MOE.

6. Do I need to send my child for tuition?

See above.

I sent my oldest for Maths and Science tuition at P6 to prepare him for PSLE. Maths because that is my weaker subject (my weakest is Chinese ). Science because the child would be penalised for not answering questions using certain key words that are deemed important by the powers that be Since I have no idea what the key words are, it is best that he learns it from an ex-MOE trained teacher. As for Chinese tuition, all our children start the year they turn 5 years old.

You don’t have to of course. But if there is a need, why not?

7. How Do I Homeschool my 2/3/4 yr old?

In our home, we do not use any formal curriculum until they reach Primary One. Before that, we use a mish mash of materials from Popular such as Take Off to Primary 1 series of books. Before the start of every school year I spend a few hours at Popular browsing through their workbooks to see which ones are relevant and helpful. For more on how we homeschool pre-school, you can check out my posts on Teaching our Toddlers and Teaching our Preschoolers.

8. What do I do with my baby/toddler while I homeschool my older child?

In the beginning, our baby/toddler often will be everywhere or cry when he sees me occupied with school and not him After a while, as with all routines, he gets used to it and learns to occupy himself, playing independently (now you see the importance of Teaching Your Children to Play on their Own?) once school starts.

Some moms manage their babies/toddlers by enlisting the help of their older children. This is something I do on and off since my older children do have work of their own to complete as well.

9. How do I choose a curriculum?

There are many ways to homeschool and there are many curricula out in the market. You choose one that you feel appeals to your child and you. Just bear in mind that you will make mistakes along the way. Just remember that just having many people rave about a certain curricula is no guarantee that it will work for you or your child.

The Homeschool group has a Homeschool Library where very generous homeschoolers have donated their used curriculum so that others get a chance to see the books in person instead of just via the website. Join the group and ask to browse the books.

10. Why do you use the local curriculum?

I have written about this before in various posts. But I shall answer it here in detail.

Based on the Compulsory Education rule, a homeschool child MUST sit for the PSLE the year he turns 12 and MUST clear the benchmark MOE sets (which is higher than for public-schooled kids). If the child fails to meet the benchmark he has to re-sit the exams. And keep on re-sitting it till he passes or when he reaches 15 years old, whichever comes first. If he still does not pass at 15, he will have to go back to school and take the exams again.

Isn’t that a terrible thing to put a child through? And a terrible waste of time too.

So we have decided that we must be serious about getting our children to clear the benchmark at their first try. Sure grades are not the end-all and be-all of education but in this case, if they don’t clear the benchmark, a whole year is wasted If they can’t despite all the help given (exam nerves, being sick) then of course they will have to re-sit the exams or even go into the school system just to get PSLE out of the way. But we would prefer that they clear it the first time and clear it as well as they can.

In order to achieve that, we decided to just use the local curriculum from the start and get them used to the local system slowly but early on.

Now, we did not start out this way. I started out using Bob Jones University Press and then Student of the Word curriculum. But I found it hard to ensure that the children were on par with the local curriculum.

As I have no extra time to cover the gaps, I decided it was counter-productive to use a US curriculum and then scramble like crazy to ensure that the children also know the local curriculum so that they can pass PSLE.

That is how we ended up using the local curriculum as the backbone of our homeschooling journey for the primary school years. Of course we do not stick strictly to the local curriculum only. We do use other curriculum to add on to what we are learning.

11. What does a typical homeschool day look like?

See my post on A Typical Day.

12. Do you homeschool in a room or at the dining/kitchen table?

When we first started, we had no space for a study - we lived in a 2 bedroom apartment with 4 children So we homeschooled in a corner of the house. Then when we moved to our current space, we still had no homeschool room. We would do school at the dining table and wherever the children could find space.

No, it was neither organised nor productive. A lot of time was spent looking for their books and stationery So we did a re-organisation of the house and used one of the rooms strictly as a homeschool room. Now each child has a desk and a cupboard. All their books go into the cupboard and all their stationery go onto their desk. Those free spirited amongst us must surely squirming to read that we are replicating school at home But this is what works for us.

No more mess? I wish! But at least now the mess is contained at their desk and cupboard, not all over the house!

But I still teach Bible and Science at the dining table. I also grade their work at the dining table because it is the biggest table in the house! Lol! I can grade one child’s work while the other child works on his/her corrections.

13. What about meals?

I do wish we do not have to eat, then my day would have less interruptions! But eat we must so Menu Planning is of great help here. Once planned, my brain is freed up to do other planning

Meals are simple stir fries or soups. Now that I have a dd that is learning how to cook she has been a tremendous help. I just have to tell her the dish we are having and she will do the food prep and cook it for me. Cool, eh?

14. What about housework?

Housework is done during the daytime. When we were living in a 2 bedroom apartment I had a part timer come in once a week and I would only do picking up and washing up daily. I almost never vacuumed or mopped. Horrors, right?

But now that there are more bodies in the house and we live in a 4 bedroom apartment, vacuuming needs to be done daily. I used to do it immediately after lunch so that I could shower and then put the younger ones to nap after that in the nice cool airconditioned room. I would only mop once a week unless some major accident occured

When we found out that God had blessed us with #7, we invested in the Roomba (for vacuuming) and the Scooba (for mopping). Best investment ever! Now the Roomba does the 3 bedrooms and 1 study room in the morning (ds #1 is in-charge of that), gets charged and does another round in the living, dining rooms and the kitchen while we have our dinner. Our Scooba is used 2 times a week.

At every term break I will haul out our Delphin, now upgraded to a Rainbow to vacuum all our mattresses and change the sheets.

Ironing is done once a week, on Fridays. And any major bulk cooking is done on Saturdays. Oh and toilets are washed weekly. Ds #1 does the daily wiping to keep them smelling nice and he is in charge also of washing the common toilet. I am training the other ds to wash the toilet downstairs so that I only have to do the one in our room. Delegate, delegate, delegate, I say!

15. What about socialisation?

What about it? Our  children are taught the norms of society by dh and me. We do not depend on an institution to do it for us.

They do mix with other children of various ages in Church and in their ballet, swimming or badminton  classes. And of course with other homeschoolers.

Yes, I know I have 7 children so they always have someone to talk to or play with. But remember, we didn’t start out with 7 children

If you are wondering about isolation, then I suggest that you bring your children out of the house more. Join enrichment activities that they are interested in. Or organise play dates at your home.

16. What about extra curricula activities or CCA as it is now known as?

This is a bummer because it just costs more as a homeschooler than as a public-schooled child. Homeschoolers are not allowed access to the Edusave money that the government gives out to every school going child. This money will be so helpful for subsidising a bit of our CCA

So now we have to pay for everything ourselves and on top of that, source for activities for each child that sometimes sends us scurrying all over the island. Dh and I have decided that if possible, the children choose an activity that they can all participate in. Otherwise it has to be an activity that they really, really like and show potential for And no, they do not get to have 3 – 4 activities each.

Swimming for us is a non-negotiable. So everyone has to learn it and they are only allowed to stop after attaining the Gold award. At this point in time we have 2 in ballet, 4 in roller blading, 2 in badminton and 3 in the homeschool choir. 2 of them just completed their Gold Award so their last lesson was in December 2011. I would like to add in art but at the moment I don’t see how it can be done.

Who brings them? Depending on his schedule, dh is usually the one who plays chauffeur On days that he can’t I do the ferrying and it is usually madness

17. Do you follow the school terms and holidays?

No. We school all year round. 4 weeks on and 1 week off. Except for our Christmas break where we take 2 weeks off. I chose to do it this way because if we school longer than 4 weeks, school becomes torturous. And we only take 1 week off because any longer than that, many of them forget what they have been taught. Besides, having to regain the momentum of school is tough when the school break is too long. Learnt this in the early years of homeschooling.

18. Is it hard to homeschool?

Yes, yes and yes! There is no way around it. Homeschooling is hard. It requires commitment and a certain amount of passion that is different from sending one’s child to public schools. Plus we have been so well trained by the school system that going against it and its expectations is tough.

There are many people watching and judging us the way they would never do a public-school child. So develop a thick skin and deal with it

Many times we have to do our own research and source for what we need while those in the system can just sit back and let the system do the work for them. It can get quite disheartening at times.

I am not saying that those in public schools face no challenges or are having an easy life. Their issues and challenges are different from homeschoolers. And not following the norms of society is always more difficult than following them.

But the rewards are great!

19. Do you ever feel like sending them back to school?

Yes, yes and yes! In the beginning of our homeschooling journey, that thought occured very often. Nowadays, less so.

Why?

I have realised that the issues I face with them that tempts me to send them into the school system will not be resolved by sending them to school. In fact, the same issues may become worse. And as I have told a friend before – the child that you want to pack off to school is probably the child that needs you to homeschool him

Even then, once in a while I still harbour thoughts of putting them in school just so that they know what a good life they have at home, especially when they complain that they have a lot of work to do! Hmpf!

20 How long are we planning to homeschool?

This question will be answered the way we answer people when they ask us how many children we plan to have. Only the Lord knows. He called us to this path and He will call us out when the time comes. So for now, we will press on and homeschool the children as long as possible.

Helpful Tip #6

The eat-play-sleep routine.

Before you read further let me state upfront that babies are individual human beings, not robots. So while we try to stick to the eat-play-sleep routine mostly there will be days or even weeks where the routine gets thrown out of the window.

The eat-play-sleep routine is very helpful for newborn babies and first time moms. Why the routine? Can’t we just let the baby dictate what he/she wants? Sure you can. And some babies and mommies thrive on that.

But some don’t. Many will blame breastfeeding and give it up because baby just demands and demands and mom collpases from sheer exhaustion.

The routine offers a loose structure for everyone. No one needs to be guessing what the baby needs. This is especially crucial for a first time mom and moms with no support system.

Baby can be on 2 hour feeding routine or 3 hour or even 1.5 hour but there is a routine. And there is some semblance of order.

A Typical Day

Or how homeschooling a bunch of children looks like in our home

I have written before about HOW we homeschool back when we had only 5 children. As always, things change, and now we have 7 children, aged 13 down to 2.5 years old. How we homeschool and even the curriculum we use have changed. How we do chores has also changed. In fact, how we parent has also changed

But to prevent this post being a mile long, I will just address homeschooling mainly and some chores. I have been thinking of writing this for a l-o-n-g time, since last year actually but I never got the time to do it. But recently a few people have been asking me how our days are like. So I thought that I should get off my butt and write it down.

Some background : This is our 8th year homeschooling. I have mentioned in my previous posts that we use our local curriculum for the preparation for PSLE. And we use Student of the Word (SOW) for our Bible. (See the Homeschooling category for more on our homeschooling experience.)

Before each school year starts (we start in August and if you want to know why, please read, “Homeschool Planning“). I do up my master planner. After which I transfer 4 weeks’ of work into each child’s individual planner.

Please also note that this is the way we homeschool now. We did not start out this way. For what we used to use and how we use it, check out the older Homeschooling posts.

Every morning upon waking, everyone showers and brushes his/her teeth. Then each child will take out his individual planner and check through the list of work to be completed. If he/she wakes up before me (which is almost the case ) he/she will work on his/her work immediately. Work is interrupted when breakfast is served, eaten and cleared up by the breakfast helper.

If however, a child wakes up after me, then he just eats his breakfast before starting on his work. Sometimes a child may decide to just play instead of work before breakfast. That is fine with me

Once the breakfast table is cleared, we start our Bible lessons using SOW with children aged 6 and above, or 5 if they are matured enough to understand and follow along. While this is going on, the 4 and 2 yr old will play by themselves. Then the children are excused and they either start their day’s work or continue from where they left off before breakfast.

I will then take the 4 yr old one-on-one. The 2 year old often sits in and observes what we are doing, sometimes offering the answers before big sister does

If during this time any of the older ones have a question for me, they will just have to wait. Afterall I only spend 30 minutes with the little ones. Once nursery school is over, they go back to their play.

Then I start helping those who need help and/or go through work that I was not able to do so the day before.

Usually this takes me to 12 noon. This is when I will start lunch preparations or give instructions to my chef-in-training what to prepare/cook. Lunch is served at 12:30pm.

On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I will usually read aloud to all at the lunch table (including the 2 yr old) a book that no one has read before. (Yes, I hide these books from my avid readers so that they will be all ears instead of spacing out on me or talking to each other when I am reading.) On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I eat in peace with my newspapers or iPhone

After lunch the two lunch helpers clear up – one to clear the table and sweep the floor, the other to wash the dishes. There is usually a little break for me here before I send the 2 youngest ones to nap. I usually take a short 10 to 30 minute nap too Then while she continues napping I will clear some emails or start dinner preparation.

Next comes snack time While the children are having their afternoon snack, I start grading their work. I always make myself feel better by grading and clearing the work of the younger ones first

On Mondays to Thursdays I do Science with the middle children, using the Exploring Creation series by Apologia Science. Once that is done, I attack the work of the older ones which require more brain power from me. Ahh!! This is where I often am tempted to drink another cup of caffeine-filled drink!

I try to go through any mistakes made on the same day so that the work is still fresh in their minds and so that mistakes will quickly be corrected instead of being discovered only at the end of the week. But I don’t always make it, of course

I now have a secret weapon in attacking the huge pile of Maths workbooks to be graded! My 13 year old who is great in Maths!

I pay him to mark them all! Then I go through the corrections with each child. Sometimes (quite often lately I am afraid) my brains are so fried I even need him to explain the Maths to his siblings!) But I do not allow him to teach them unless I say so.

Why?

Well, first of all, patience is not his strongest point And since his mathematically-wired brains sees numbers differently from the rest of us, his explanations sometimes serve to confuse them further. So I will make him explain it to me and then I explain it to them.

My homeschool day is officially over by 5pm. Interspersed with lots of interruptions, sometimes even a grocery trip or two!  The children’s day is over the moment they hand in their work box to me. Unless they have lots of corrections to do or they need to re-do certain pieces of work.

Once all that is done, I am free to prepare/cook dinner. Depending on what we are eating, all I may have to do is cook, preparation is done by the 13 year old. Otherwise, I do everything by myself.

While we have our dinner, our Roomba is usually tasked to vacuum the Living Area and Kitchen. Once dinner is over, it is brought to the Dining Area to finish up. It is our best purchase ever!

If dh is home, he helps me with the dishes and showers the 2 young ones. Otherwise, I do that too. By 9pm, everyone is rounded up and we start our bedtime routine. We read a chapter from the Bible, have our prayers and the middle children are packed off to bed. The 2 older ones are allowed to stay up because well, they are older  The  2 younger ones are allowed to stay up because they still take their naps. By 10pm, this group are also packed off to bed and peace and silence reigns in the house finally!

I either clear work that I could not clear in the day – usually my 13 yr old’s work which requires me to read and absorb stuff that I haven’t paid any attention to for a l-o-n-g time!

This is also the time when I clear my emails, read FB or do whatever internet research I want/need to do. Bedtime for me is unfortunately more often than not at 2am though I try very hard to sleep by 1am.

Come the next day, the circus begins its show all over again

This, of course, is generally what happens here but there are always interruptions, unplanned outings, visits from friends, etc that will throw us off our usual routine but it is fine as long as these interruptions are not a daily occurence coz then I can’t keep up with the grading of the schoolwork

So there you go, a typical day in our house.

The Baby and Toddler Combo

The baby and toddler combo is something I have gone through 6 times! Since the Lord has chosen to bless us with a baby every other year, that’s what I have had to deal with and actually survived!

Many times as a parent of ONE child, we worry about adding another child to the family. How are we ever going to cope???

And many times people will offer helpful advice such as “get a maid” and/or “send the toddler to childcare/pre-school”. Sometimes, such advice is appropriate – depending on the person’s circumstance.

But I would like to offer alternative advice to what’s usually suggested

1. Part-time helpers

If you have been reading my blogs, you will know that while we have not had a live-in helper, we have had part-time helpers on and off. They can be such life savers, especially when the children are very young.

We had a few come in when we had 3 children, 5 and below. The helper came in once a week and did the dusting, vacuuming, mopping, washing of toilets, ironing, etc. It was so helpful! And it was also very helpful that we lived in a small 2 bedroom apartment. I never did any major housecleaning in between the helper’s visits! Just the daily washing up and picking up.

2. Tingkat Delivery*

We also had tingkat delivery for a season so that I did not have to worry about meals especially in the early days after baby is born. All I had to do was heat up the food and eat!

3. Simple Meals

After that, I would cook really simple meals. I still cook simple meals – One dish meals and quick stir fries. Or in worse case scenario, get dh to buy back food if he was able to come home early.

4. Empower the toddler

Yes, empower the toddler. Teach him to be independent. Eat, dress, sleep by himself. Do this before the baby’s arrival. And especially important, teach him to play independently. See Teach Your Children to Play on their Own for more details.

All these are important because there will be times you won’t be able to tend to him. If he can eat by himself then you can nurse the baby while he eats and no one needs to wait for the other. Of course you can nurse and feed the toddler – boy do I know it can be done! But seriously this gets tiring after a while. Trust me, you don’t want it to become a habit.

And for those times when you need to put baby to sleep, you don’t want your toddler bawling away or screaming that he needs you to play lego with him. But if he is used to playing independently, then you can leave him be and put the baby to bed.

5. Teach Baby and Toddler to Sleep on Their Own

This to me has been a lifesaver. The toddler was taught to sleep on his own. When it is nap/sleep time, I just needed to say, “Time to sleep” and off he would go and sleep. Sure, he would protest at times but generally he would obey since he has been taught to obey. Same with the baby. I did not have to spend hours carrying or nursing the baby to sleep. If you can’t teach the baby to sleep on her own, then at least work on getting the toddler to go to bed on his own.

If all else fails, then try to time their naps together. This way, at least you get to nap too!

* Do note that I am however nursing #7 to sleep still!

6. Teach the toddler the meaning of “wait”

Tell him that not everything will be done just because he wants them to be done. He needs to learn to wait and if he can’t wait then he has to learn to do it himself.

7. Talk to your toddler

He understands more than you think. Unless your toddler and baby combo is 12 or 15mths apart – like our pseudo twins - the older one should be able to comprehend many things. Whether he accepts it or not is a different matter

Talk to him, explain that the baby needs more help than he does so he has to be more patient and more loving.

8. Your attitude

I can’t say this enough. If you have a can-do attitude, then many things can be done. But if you have already given up in your mind, then everything will be bleak. Decide if you want this to work or not. If you do, then do what needs to be done to make it work. But if you feel that it is going to be too difficult for you and it may push you towards post partum depression, then get help!

The early days are tough. Let no one fool you about that! No matter what the age gap, it is always an adjustment when you add a member to the family. But when you see them playing and smiling with each other, you will know that your struggles are worth it!

Count Your Blessings, One-By-One

Do you grumble a lot about your lot in life? Like the person who always sees her cup as half empty instead of half full? Do you know what the cure for this illness is? For it is an illness to be discontented all the time. The cure is counting your blessings. Deliberately writing it out even.

As we count our blessings one-by-one we can see the Hand of God in our lives.

Why don’t you start your list now as we head towards the end of 2011?